(Untitled)

[redtheda]

I told my 12 year old (will be 13 in June) son that he was too young for a MySpace account, and couldn't have one until he was 14 (which is also MySpace's rules). I've let him get around Internet age limits before, like to get a Yahoo email account (for which you're supposed to be 13) but MySpace is, IMHO, a stinking cesspool of crap, and I'd

Comments

[float_my_fancy]

I think it's good that you've talked to your son. I don't think that he should simply disobey your rules by going behind your back, but at the same time I feel like he deserves to have a say. I think if it's an outlet for his creativity (I don't play with myspace too much, I definitely used to spend hours on livejournal layouts) and he follows rules that the two of you set together regarding the privacy of his profile and who he friends etc, then maybe you should consider letting him keep a profile. Better to know and be involved than have him go behind your back. He's already done it once, it wouldn't be a shocker if he did it again, so accept that and be a big part of it this time.

[simplymelodious]

I agree completely.

[ladyartemisa]

i agree that he disobeyed and needs to be punished. so I see nothing wrong with what she did.

[journalismgirl]

I agree.

Children need to learn that there are consequences for doing things that they shouldn't be doing.

[ladyartemisa]

is there any particular reason why you dont want him to have one?
if you trust him enough to go on the internet and have an email account why not a myspace account?

i will preface this by saying that i was blogging and on the intranets on BBS's since before most of you were born and before i was 14 so I dont have a problem with this at all.

[redtheda]

I don't have a problem with him being on the Internet - he's been on the internet for awhile. I have a problem with MySpace, because it means constant solicitations from cam whore girls and stuff like that. I suppose it's nothing he wouldn't see anywhere else on the 'net, and I could have him make his profile private and set it so that nobody could friend him unless they knew his email address or last name

[breakableheart]

No.

No.

Delete, delete, delete. He broke the rules.

Then again, you are guilty of modeling rule-breaking behavior by allowing him to have an email account prior to 13 (thus breaking Yahoo's "rules") so you're going to have to explain to him why YOU get to break the rules but HE doesn't. Have fun, YO!

[redtheda]

I'm punishing him not because he broke MySpace's rules, but because he broke mine. I gave him permission to go around Yahoo's process....I didn't with MySpace. I just figured that 14 was a good age for MySpace because that's their rule, and frankly I'd like to keep him off forever, but I wanted to find a reasonable compromise, and that was it (14) but apparently not, in his estimation...

There are going to be times that we tell our kids it's okay to break certain rules...one of the things I'm teaching him (which was taught to me by my parents) is to question and think critically about authority...and there is such a thing as civil disobedience (not that flouting Yahoo's rules is at all comparable, of course.)

Thank you for the feedback. :)

[owlsarentaholes]

In addition to what I posted below, I will say that I think you should encourage him to come to you the next time he feels that a rule you've set is unfair. Instead of just breaking it secretly, let him know that you would be willing to hear him out and listen to his reasons for wanting the rule to change. Keep the consequences for this time, but let him know that he can approach you and give you input in the future, if he feels something you've decided is unfair or unreasonable. You may not always end up taking his side, but you might consider a compromise if he's able to present a reasonable enough argument.

[sjorcha]

Snooping on your children is tricky.

On the one hand, you want to trust them to make the right decisions; on the other, you want to make sure they are doing the right thing. Snooping without reason, IMO, is not okay. Did he give you reason? (Not attacking, just asking!)

My mother snooped around my things a lot growing up, and I hated her at the time for it, but now I realize she was doing what she thought was in my best interest, and had actually saved me from some bad situations.

My 13 year old cousin has a MySpace, but he has it on conditions. He is on his mother AND step-father's friends lists, and they both regularly check on him. Perhaps you could make a similar arrangement with your son?

I think at this age, it is important for him to feel in-touch with others his age, and to have friends, but you are right about safety, Mom.

Definitely have the 'safety talk' with him again.

I think grounding him and restricting his internet access is reasonable, seeing as how he went behind your back and disobeyed you directly.

[redtheda]

The reason was his password protecting his login on the computer. He had never done that before. And he had just been acting really secretive lately around his computer usage.

I want to find a balance between respecting his privacy, and being a responsible parent by keeping tabs on him. I want him to be able to develop his own identity and not feel invaded....but I also don't want to be one of those parents on the news going "I had no idea he had bombs in his room!" LOL

[sjorcha]

Completely understandable, and reasonable. :)