I Told My Mom
My mom and I had a really long conversation on Sunday...really long and really good. I told her that we as a family have a tendency to avoid issues because we solve the surface ones. We don't share things with each other because we don't want each other to worry, or we fear each other's opinions. I told her that none of us were perfect, and that we may not always have a solution, but we have each other. I told her that I really love her and that I want a relationship with her. I told her that I feared her 50th birthday coming in September and we still hadn't talked. I told her that even though her mom is no longer here, she would want her to be a mom to her kids. I told her that I needed her, and that Brandon needed her, and that she needed us...
I told my mom that we'll never get back the years when she didn't raise Brandon and me, but that life isn't over, so we can still be a part of each other's lives. I told her that our relationship won't be perfect, and that it won't be wonderful overnight, but everything starts with a conversation...the conversation we were having.
I told my mom all these things, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt free and relieved. It felt better than calling up all my immediate family and going off on them. Telling my mom all these things gave me permission to move on with my life. For so long, I had held on to the fact that my parents didn't raise my brother and me, and that they really didn't love us. I'll never fully understand why they did it that way, but saying those things to my mom allowed me to let it go. How could I expect to build something and move on if I was still holding on to hurt? Besides, I would've never got to be close to my grandmother and great-grandmother...something I wouldn't trade for the world. I would've been a completely different person...not necessarily better or worse...but different, and I like how I turned out- crazy issues and all lol.
So I won't have stories about how my parents were at my football games or all the PTA meetings, but I have so much more living left to do...
...I'll juat tell stories about how I bounced TV show ideas off my mom, or how we were the cutest mom and daughter at the Grammys or Academy Awards...
I told my mom what I really wanted, and that was a real relationship with her, and it felt so good that she wanted the exact same thing...
I think the Ox's time has officially begun...
I told my mom that we'll never get back the years when she didn't raise Brandon and me, but that life isn't over, so we can still be a part of each other's lives. I told her that our relationship won't be perfect, and that it won't be wonderful overnight, but everything starts with a conversation...the conversation we were having.
I told my mom all these things, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt free and relieved. It felt better than calling up all my immediate family and going off on them. Telling my mom all these things gave me permission to move on with my life. For so long, I had held on to the fact that my parents didn't raise my brother and me, and that they really didn't love us. I'll never fully understand why they did it that way, but saying those things to my mom allowed me to let it go. How could I expect to build something and move on if I was still holding on to hurt? Besides, I would've never got to be close to my grandmother and great-grandmother...something I wouldn't trade for the world. I would've been a completely different person...not necessarily better or worse...but different, and I like how I turned out- crazy issues and all lol.
So I won't have stories about how my parents were at my football games or all the PTA meetings, but I have so much more living left to do...
...I'll juat tell stories about how I bounced TV show ideas off my mom, or how we were the cutest mom and daughter at the Grammys or Academy Awards...
I told my mom what I really wanted, and that was a real relationship with her, and it felt so good that she wanted the exact same thing...
I think the Ox's time has officially begun...