Was told I should cut and paste this from myspace...
So it's been awhile since I updated most people on my current activities and whereabouts. Most of you know all these so if you're a day-to-day person you can skip it. (For me this is an exercise. I think every few months people should write in detail about their life, I think seeing a autobiography can help bring things into focus, but that's just me…I'm weird)
Lets see. I'm currently living with D in Whispering Pine, in Topeka, Ks (exciting and all that, place is rather boring but familiar). Things around here are going fairly well, bills are being paid, D and I rarely argue. I think we've learned to let things that annoy us just roll off our backs, and we hardly see each other since we're both busy. I'm starting to spend most of my time holed up in my room doing homework or just trying to push the day's bullshit away. All my friends seem to be doing fine each one as strange as the next but they wouldn't be my friends if they weren't a little weird. Work is about the same, meaningless, mind numbing, and tedious but it serves its function for now. I got my fin aid reinstated this semester so I'm back on track. If my calculations are correct I have about two more semesters, that's if I get all the classes I need and luck continues to be on my side.
I suppose the most interesting thing going on in my life right now is Valerie. I met her during my ESU time, a friendship quickly developed. After I moved back to Topeka, we started dating for a very short time all that ended in a very complicated way so I'm not going to go into it needless to say we lost track of each other for about, oh…four or five years. In the process I continued my time screwing around, taking part in my varied misadventures and she graduated, got married and had a child. Two paths with two very different directions I suppose. About a year ago we reconnected and began talking again. Time had passed but it seemed that our interaction picked up right where we left off. Our friendship rekindled.
Skipping, skipping, skipping…so on and so forth…time passes and we're here today. It seems time not only rekindled our friendship but our attraction for each other. Plainly put, I fell in love with her again. Not a surprise to anyone really, she always had a way to draw me in and get me wrapped up. Though it seems this time around I'm not the only one in love….she seems to have developed the same feels and has even expressed them. I know what you're thinking, storybook right? Two people with lost loves and all that. Not really. We definitely have hard roads ahead of us to face. Things that are going to be terribly difficult obstacles to overcome, does that scare me? Hell yes it does, I'd be an idiot if I said it didn't terrify me but I think its worth the shot. If you have chance to be happy why would you turn your back on the opportunity?
So what could two people in love be afraid of? What could hold them back? More then you think. We both have our own personal fears (such as my fear that she will realize she can do a great deal better then me and I'll lose her again) and we have fears we both share. She lives in Alabama and I live in Kansas, your standard long distance problems. It comes down to someone has to move if things are going to work. Move eventually of course. Then there are the religious differences, she is a devout Christian and I'm a guy that loves to swing the philosophical club at life's problems. Our ideals, morals and ethics parallel but her beliefs are a bit more ridge then mine. Definitely going to be a struggle. We also come from very different family backgrounds her was a great deal more traditional then mine and I know that bothers her because she feels we'll have different views on how to deal with family problems. And while we're on the topic of families, her family might pose a problem for us. They want what's best for her and I completely agree, if I felt I wasn't good for her I'd remove myself from her life immediately. But they are different from what I'm used to dealing with and I'm sure I'm a bit different for them too. We both agree her family will like me (lets be honest, most people do like me, I'm a likable guy) but she doesn't think they'll approve of our relationship. That not only scares her but it scares me too. They are important to her, they are her family for god sakes and if they don't EVER approve of me that will put a lot of strain on her and in that equation I'm the only removable variable. I think if I can find some common ground with them maybe just maybe they'll open up enough to see that I love her and I'm willing to do what it takes to keep her safe and happy.
I wish I knew the best way to handle all this. I wish I could find a way to help put our fears to rest. But I have to go into this a bit blind to the outcome, I'll have to balance improvising and planning. I think that if we both want it to work and we're willing to put the time into it, it will all eventually fall into place for us.
This little writing exercise kind of took on quite a body…oh well needed to say it.