:(
So today was really really crappy. When I was driving to school this morning, I almost hit the bus b/c I had the freekin right away and they decided to go anyways. SO in the middle of the intersection, I had to reverse the car!!!!!!! ugh...really embarrassing. Then, all day it was dreary, and just a yucky feeling day. I needed 2 finish this project due tomorrow so i went to the library. My teacher would send me so I brought a pass and everything...well they kept sending me back to class because Mr. Scelenus is anle lie that! THat was annoying as hell. Lunch was ok, felt really empty...that in itself put me in a bad mood. Ap History was stupid today...and then I had chorus. Mrs. Towler decided (without asking me) that I'm going to play the piano part for Gloria. Most people know that I hate reading music and I almost NEVER perform infront of people when its someone else's music I have to play. Well so I told Mrs. Towler I would play it. I barely practiced it and well I totally fucked up on that stupid chorus piece today. She made me play it infront of everyone...and not only had I not practiced it..but the pages kept falling down and I couldnt see what I was playing!!!!! So at times, I had to stop playing entirely. It was the most embarrassing thing ever. And afterwards, when class was over..I just kinda broke down. It wasnt even really worth crying over..but like for some reason when I get the slightest feeling like I'm going to cry..it comes pouring out and I can't freekin stop. It was even worse because some people saw me crying...and I really really don't like that. Cecelia i didnt care about seeing me...but that TOO was embarrassing. I guess I just feel really bad because I want to be a f'n music major and I totally fucked up. It's pathetic really and I just am so mad at myself. I'm trying to decide if I should tell Mrs. Towler if i'm going to play it or not. I realize now that its not her fault that I suck. I guess I just was really upset, and i kind of just wanted 2 blaim it on somebody. Yeah I'm making this out to be a huge deal...but if I weren't planning on going into music education (comp), I wouldn't care. It just sucks I guess. So then I went home, even though I should have stayed for corrections...I didn't want 2 stay a second more in school. Cecelia dropped me off, and I walk in the house and my cat puked everywhere. It took me a while to clean it up.lol. Cecelia and Irene went to woodies and then came back to my house. They really cheered me up because we had hott cocoa and watched the "Salad Fingers" videos. That shit was really hilarious/messed up. hahaa. I just don't want to go to school tomorrow...I wish it were the weekend. oh well...the bad times make the good times seem better.
<3Boo
<3Boo