SUNDANCE vs. TROMA DANCE
Its actually quite odd. This knowing that people fly from all over the world to experience something that you drive to, Hop skip and a jump. I mean people coming for the snow every year is one thing. We do have amazing snow. Best on earth or so it says on my license plate. Anyway Kira and I were invited to a magazine premiere party. A sports magazine I could have fucking choked. I knew that there would be other tall people there so I went. I wasn’t thrilled about it though. I am not a sports fan. That is a huge understatement. I will watch them sometimes but not enough to even attempt conversation with people that this is their job. Pssh.
So it takes almost an hour to park. Everyone. Everyone was here for Sundance. I love Sundance don’t get me wrong. I love the movie fags that are always telling you how deep they are and how I need to be discovered. Ya fuck you. “ Such amazing raw beauty here. Shame they hide it in the boonies”. I will never be one of you pseudo art director/producer/actor/photographers. Go home. Well okay Gary Beussey was there. He can stay. Just because I’m wearing all black doesn’t mean I sympathize with your “angst”. We get to this club and walk down the red carpet. I freaked. Holy shit this was serious. Called the promoter and went through the red rope through the back door. They ad a fucking ice sculpture and snake meat on sticks, but the little quesadilla things were really good. Ate their cheese. 4 glasses of Crystal. 4 Kamikaze’s, 4 fucked upside downs, 2 of these weird mint cookie shots, some Bacardi O. I should not be allowed at an open bar. I got fucked for free. I am a huge advocate of free booze. They couldn’t make a kamikaze to save their lives but. Free is fine. Smoked a Cuban or two and pretended to be important. The middle age ladies looking for a retired foot ball player with an injury to take care of them were fucking pathetic. I may not have looked as expensive, but I was a lot classier than the jock stalkers.
The best part was the L.A. chicks. You know they were there to look pretty. Well so were we but we didn’t conform. They were wearing barely there shirts with no fronts and strings in the back and pants that cost more than my car, but the highlight is they would wear furry boots. Yes, that will keep you warm never mind I can see your nipples your footwear selection should keep you nice and toasty. That’s how you could tell who wasn’t from here. They were spastically freezing. Oh I’m sorry is 3 degrees a problem for you?
Drove back to the valley. We were supposed to go to other parties but I just couldn’t pretend to be pretentious any longer. I got my drink on and we drove back laughing. Went to the Waffle house and had a decent dinner. More parties tomorrow. Might go back.
But!!!!! A good fucking time is Tromadance. I am sure you have seen The Toxic Avenger….. Tromeo and Julliette? If not we probably shouldn’t be friends. Anyway, they come every year during SunDance and show their own movies. If you have ever seen a Troma movie you know they are all about sex and the ultra violence. Love them. Right, so, apparently the guys from Troma sold their souls to the devil. The devil that I like to call PETA. They were handing out flyers and all of the commercials in between movies were anti fur. Then they had this movie about how it’s okay to eat humans but not animals. Really and even then you can only eat humans that eat animals. I think PETA missed high school biology because you will always be ingesting whatever your eating has ate before. It’s easier to explain that in a flow chart. So I don’t know if I will be going to Troma next year. I’m a little bent. I went and ate something with a face just to make myself feel better. Plus the fact that I was wearing leather and didn’t stand up to applaud this shitty factually false shit film. Getting hit by a vegan at Troma is an ego scar I wouldn’t be able to wear well.
So it takes almost an hour to park. Everyone. Everyone was here for Sundance. I love Sundance don’t get me wrong. I love the movie fags that are always telling you how deep they are and how I need to be discovered. Ya fuck you. “ Such amazing raw beauty here. Shame they hide it in the boonies”. I will never be one of you pseudo art director/producer/actor/photographers. Go home. Well okay Gary Beussey was there. He can stay. Just because I’m wearing all black doesn’t mean I sympathize with your “angst”. We get to this club and walk down the red carpet. I freaked. Holy shit this was serious. Called the promoter and went through the red rope through the back door. They ad a fucking ice sculpture and snake meat on sticks, but the little quesadilla things were really good. Ate their cheese. 4 glasses of Crystal. 4 Kamikaze’s, 4 fucked upside downs, 2 of these weird mint cookie shots, some Bacardi O. I should not be allowed at an open bar. I got fucked for free. I am a huge advocate of free booze. They couldn’t make a kamikaze to save their lives but. Free is fine. Smoked a Cuban or two and pretended to be important. The middle age ladies looking for a retired foot ball player with an injury to take care of them were fucking pathetic. I may not have looked as expensive, but I was a lot classier than the jock stalkers.
The best part was the L.A. chicks. You know they were there to look pretty. Well so were we but we didn’t conform. They were wearing barely there shirts with no fronts and strings in the back and pants that cost more than my car, but the highlight is they would wear furry boots. Yes, that will keep you warm never mind I can see your nipples your footwear selection should keep you nice and toasty. That’s how you could tell who wasn’t from here. They were spastically freezing. Oh I’m sorry is 3 degrees a problem for you?
Drove back to the valley. We were supposed to go to other parties but I just couldn’t pretend to be pretentious any longer. I got my drink on and we drove back laughing. Went to the Waffle house and had a decent dinner. More parties tomorrow. Might go back.
But!!!!! A good fucking time is Tromadance. I am sure you have seen The Toxic Avenger….. Tromeo and Julliette? If not we probably shouldn’t be friends. Anyway, they come every year during SunDance and show their own movies. If you have ever seen a Troma movie you know they are all about sex and the ultra violence. Love them. Right, so, apparently the guys from Troma sold their souls to the devil. The devil that I like to call PETA. They were handing out flyers and all of the commercials in between movies were anti fur. Then they had this movie about how it’s okay to eat humans but not animals. Really and even then you can only eat humans that eat animals. I think PETA missed high school biology because you will always be ingesting whatever your eating has ate before. It’s easier to explain that in a flow chart. So I don’t know if I will be going to Troma next year. I’m a little bent. I went and ate something with a face just to make myself feel better. Plus the fact that I was wearing leather and didn’t stand up to applaud this shitty factually false shit film. Getting hit by a vegan at Troma is an ego scar I wouldn’t be able to wear well.