still alive
well barely. I got up at 4:30 this morning to study more for zee test. I think i finally made it to bed around 2. So i am not that tired as of yet but i am typing in bed to get some inspiration. I think the crew is going out tonight. Splitsville is the buzz. I really dont feel like going but i think it is better than moping around my apartment.
After the test a group of us went to Bennigans and for some reason the topic of conversation was breakups. Nice to see that i am at least trendy as always. Not only was it relationship wreck/recap blah shit but I was surrounded by couples or people talking about their great boyfriends. That is the easiest way to drop me into the doldrums. so i am a little on the sad side. It was no where near as horrible nor as long lasting as the great puffer fish incident of '00 when we didnt see my eyes for a week. It was nothing like that. Actually, everything was as amicable as anyone could ever hope for. One of those situations where there is no ill will just an imbalance. Two people who should be compatible but are just at different places. I am just always sad after something like this happens. It has nothing to do with the actual person that happened to be part of this unfortunate event. I think it has more to do with the fact that i know what i want. or at least i think i do. maybe not. it changes all the time.
I had this rant planned about things i needed to say. I had it all planned out and it ran thru my head all night and right before the test. I was kinda pumped for it but now i just feel like blah. The blah will probably have me in bed for a while just laying around forgetting to eat or something like that. I think that after all the feeling and stuff i did this weekend i just feel numb. I feel empty or maybe even a bit beyond if that is possible. I feel like i just am. Ever feel like you are just existing? not feeling not doing anything? I have a feeling that this what i was trying to achieve during meditation. Funny that it comes out when you dont want it to. I may have it wrong, who knows.
ugh. so i guess tonight i have to socialize and stuff. with any luck people will forget to call me about the plans ( actually happens often ) and i can stay at home. I should go out but whatever. We'll see. I want to go for a run but for some reason it hurts to walk on my right foot. dont know what is happening b/c i havent run in forever.
time to get my life on track. sorry, more of a blog/brain dump Stephanie ramble. Classic.
ok booboo :P Plifff!
After the test a group of us went to Bennigans and for some reason the topic of conversation was breakups. Nice to see that i am at least trendy as always. Not only was it relationship wreck/recap blah shit but I was surrounded by couples or people talking about their great boyfriends. That is the easiest way to drop me into the doldrums. so i am a little on the sad side. It was no where near as horrible nor as long lasting as the great puffer fish incident of '00 when we didnt see my eyes for a week. It was nothing like that. Actually, everything was as amicable as anyone could ever hope for. One of those situations where there is no ill will just an imbalance. Two people who should be compatible but are just at different places. I am just always sad after something like this happens. It has nothing to do with the actual person that happened to be part of this unfortunate event. I think it has more to do with the fact that i know what i want. or at least i think i do. maybe not. it changes all the time.
I had this rant planned about things i needed to say. I had it all planned out and it ran thru my head all night and right before the test. I was kinda pumped for it but now i just feel like blah. The blah will probably have me in bed for a while just laying around forgetting to eat or something like that. I think that after all the feeling and stuff i did this weekend i just feel numb. I feel empty or maybe even a bit beyond if that is possible. I feel like i just am. Ever feel like you are just existing? not feeling not doing anything? I have a feeling that this what i was trying to achieve during meditation. Funny that it comes out when you dont want it to. I may have it wrong, who knows.
ugh. so i guess tonight i have to socialize and stuff. with any luck people will forget to call me about the plans ( actually happens often ) and i can stay at home. I should go out but whatever. We'll see. I want to go for a run but for some reason it hurts to walk on my right foot. dont know what is happening b/c i havent run in forever.
time to get my life on track. sorry, more of a blog/brain dump Stephanie ramble. Classic.
ok booboo :P Plifff!