(no subject)
Well, I have a bad feeling about this summer.
I'm lucky in that I got an awesome paid internship, but it's going to be exceedingly boring.
My biggest issue is that I have no friends.
I've lost Ian. He probably never cared, but I've finally realized that he doesn't care anymore.
I've lost Rachel, probably because she thinks I'm too involved with Ian.
I don't have any other close friends.
I don't feel like I can trust anyone. The people who claim to be my friend and claim to want to spend time with me never call, never respond to me, and then I hear about shit they said behind my back.
There has to be something wrong with me then. I must be boring or bitchy or have SOMETHING wrong with me that makes people not enjoy being around me. I mean that's the equation isn't it? If you have friends, you must be awesome in some way. If you don't, you suck. There's no "oh you're just busy and don't put yourself out there". It's just that people don't want to make the time for me anymore.
I feel like I've gained a ton of weight and am therefore unattractive. I've got so many hurdles in front of changing that, because I keep getting sick or burnt out. I've been attempting to be more social and more self-confident but I just keep getting shot down.
What the fuck happened to all the people who cared about me? They claim to exist. I mean if I posted something on facebook Shelley would get all uppity and my camp friends would too, but FUCK THEM. They don't ever check up on me and when we do hang out it's so forced and they don't actaully want me around. No one genuinely wants me to be around them. They have people who take up all their time. No one has time for Shawna anymore.
I'm lucky in that I got an awesome paid internship, but it's going to be exceedingly boring.
My biggest issue is that I have no friends.
I've lost Ian. He probably never cared, but I've finally realized that he doesn't care anymore.
I've lost Rachel, probably because she thinks I'm too involved with Ian.
I don't have any other close friends.
I don't feel like I can trust anyone. The people who claim to be my friend and claim to want to spend time with me never call, never respond to me, and then I hear about shit they said behind my back.
There has to be something wrong with me then. I must be boring or bitchy or have SOMETHING wrong with me that makes people not enjoy being around me. I mean that's the equation isn't it? If you have friends, you must be awesome in some way. If you don't, you suck. There's no "oh you're just busy and don't put yourself out there". It's just that people don't want to make the time for me anymore.
I feel like I've gained a ton of weight and am therefore unattractive. I've got so many hurdles in front of changing that, because I keep getting sick or burnt out. I've been attempting to be more social and more self-confident but I just keep getting shot down.
What the fuck happened to all the people who cared about me? They claim to exist. I mean if I posted something on facebook Shelley would get all uppity and my camp friends would too, but FUCK THEM. They don't ever check up on me and when we do hang out it's so forced and they don't actaully want me around. No one genuinely wants me to be around them. They have people who take up all their time. No one has time for Shawna anymore.