Yeah, I'm sure you're sick of it too.
Every time I think I'm done with the Polanski thing, I realize I'm not.
Mostly it's because it's not about Polanski...
The following post was inspired by a comment I left on my friend's blog post about losing Paul Auster as an ally when he signed the Polanski petition.When I read her post I realized that I have been feeling the same way about David Lynch. I just didn't take the same pleasure out of watching him announce the weather and the interview project anymore. I'm really sad. In the same way that I was really sad when I found out Bertrand Cantat had killed his girlfriend.
Please read this post first... It's a cold and lonely world out there speaking your truth...
Yeah, it's pervasive...( the rape culture I mean... And part of why it's pervasive is because we barely ever say "it happened to me". So we all go on believing that it only happened to us and that we are the only one.
I mean, you know the statistics of rape and you've had your share of girlfriends I'm sure, but how many of them were willing to reveal to you that they were abused or raped? Before I met Angela and the army of angels, my number was 0. I thought I was the only one. And I needed to make sure no one was ever going to know what had happened to me. I buried myself in the shame that wasn't mine.
I'm not blaming myself or the victim here... I understand why we/they don't say or break the silence. I have compassion for that. I'm also grateful to these who do have the courage to interrupted that silence for a minute and say "it happened to me too."
It's hard to do but as long as we're more silent than the abusers, they are the norm and what's to be protected. It takes a hell of a lot of healing to get to the place of being able to say "it happened to me". It's your abuse and your choice to disclose to who you want to, when you want to. For so many of us, it's the only control we have over what happened to us. And that's why I'm training to be a therapist. I want/need more people to heal and find their voice. I'm not saying that I'm going to be one of these therapists who forces people to disclose or tell them what they should do. No... I'm saying that I'll do my absolute best to help women (and men, and abusers too if they have a chance of becoming allies instead of perpetrators...) find themselves and their voice again. Or else this crap will never get better and the culture will keep defending perpetrators and continue to pretend it is a sane thing to do. I was crushed when I heard David Lynch was signing that petition. I love that man's work and I love his dedication to spirit, shadow sides and pointing out the horrible and good sides of humanity. I couldn't believe it. I so couldn't believe it that there is a part of me that still thinks that maybe I 'm missing an important piece in understanding why he signed that freaking petition. I wish the people who signed the petition, had the decency to explain their decision of support to Polanski and their decision to support rape. I wish they would look at their internalization of the rape culture. At how pervasive it is. Some people have said that it's just Hollywood and the culture of Art. It's not just the culture of Art... It's the middle and upper classes that refuse to believe that this shit happens in our midst (Angela said it well in her post last week, it's your neighbor, it's your uncle, it's your lawyer... ) It's so much easier to blame it on the lower class.
There is a lot of talking and accepting what is going on that needs to happen before we can even try to fix these issues and that is one reason why I love PAVE and Angela. Their focus is on breaking the silence, so that the culture can recognize that we are dealing with an epidemic. Every time I say to someone that abuse is an epidemic in our culture they look at me confused and I can see their eyes gloss over. I can see the thoughts in their head going "what are you talking about,lady, you think what happened to you happened to everybody else? " Yes. Why yes I know for a fact that it does. I know for a fact that if I am in a room with 10 other women, at least 4 of them (if not more) have a rape or abuse story in their past. Ask Angela...she'll tell you the same thing. She's talked to thousands and thousands of women.
I don't get mad anymore when people look at me with boggled eyes, when I tell them the news they don't want to know about. I understand that the culture has not yet understood how pervasive rape is, in our culture. I have two choices: 1/ I can shut up and prove them right or 2/ I can keep saying it, regardless of the reaction I'm getting. I can give up being right and looking good for this. But I'm done waiting to have the perfect words or the perfect rhetoric to speak my truth. I'm done supporting this culture of shame and silence. Mr Lynch, I thought you were an ally. You broke my heart. I forgive you for not understanding that you have fallen into collaboration with the rape culture, but I'm not going to forget. I always looked at the scenes in your movies as criticism of the rape culture, but perhaps I was wrong. You have changed the context of your films by signing the petition and that, I will mourn.
PS=I request that you please think about your comments and read them twice before you post them. This is sensitive territory for me. Thank you.
Mostly it's because it's not about Polanski...
The following post was inspired by a comment I left on my friend's blog post about losing Paul Auster as an ally when he signed the Polanski petition.When I read her post I realized that I have been feeling the same way about David Lynch. I just didn't take the same pleasure out of watching him announce the weather and the interview project anymore. I'm really sad. In the same way that I was really sad when I found out Bertrand Cantat had killed his girlfriend.
Please read this post first... It's a cold and lonely world out there speaking your truth...
Yeah, it's pervasive...( the rape culture I mean... And part of why it's pervasive is because we barely ever say "it happened to me". So we all go on believing that it only happened to us and that we are the only one.
I mean, you know the statistics of rape and you've had your share of girlfriends I'm sure, but how many of them were willing to reveal to you that they were abused or raped? Before I met Angela and the army of angels, my number was 0. I thought I was the only one. And I needed to make sure no one was ever going to know what had happened to me. I buried myself in the shame that wasn't mine.
I'm not blaming myself or the victim here... I understand why we/they don't say or break the silence. I have compassion for that. I'm also grateful to these who do have the courage to interrupted that silence for a minute and say "it happened to me too."
It's hard to do but as long as we're more silent than the abusers, they are the norm and what's to be protected. It takes a hell of a lot of healing to get to the place of being able to say "it happened to me". It's your abuse and your choice to disclose to who you want to, when you want to. For so many of us, it's the only control we have over what happened to us. And that's why I'm training to be a therapist. I want/need more people to heal and find their voice. I'm not saying that I'm going to be one of these therapists who forces people to disclose or tell them what they should do. No... I'm saying that I'll do my absolute best to help women (and men, and abusers too if they have a chance of becoming allies instead of perpetrators...) find themselves and their voice again. Or else this crap will never get better and the culture will keep defending perpetrators and continue to pretend it is a sane thing to do. I was crushed when I heard David Lynch was signing that petition. I love that man's work and I love his dedication to spirit, shadow sides and pointing out the horrible and good sides of humanity. I couldn't believe it. I so couldn't believe it that there is a part of me that still thinks that maybe I 'm missing an important piece in understanding why he signed that freaking petition. I wish the people who signed the petition, had the decency to explain their decision of support to Polanski and their decision to support rape. I wish they would look at their internalization of the rape culture. At how pervasive it is. Some people have said that it's just Hollywood and the culture of Art. It's not just the culture of Art... It's the middle and upper classes that refuse to believe that this shit happens in our midst (Angela said it well in her post last week, it's your neighbor, it's your uncle, it's your lawyer... ) It's so much easier to blame it on the lower class.
There is a lot of talking and accepting what is going on that needs to happen before we can even try to fix these issues and that is one reason why I love PAVE and Angela. Their focus is on breaking the silence, so that the culture can recognize that we are dealing with an epidemic. Every time I say to someone that abuse is an epidemic in our culture they look at me confused and I can see their eyes gloss over. I can see the thoughts in their head going "what are you talking about,lady, you think what happened to you happened to everybody else? " Yes. Why yes I know for a fact that it does. I know for a fact that if I am in a room with 10 other women, at least 4 of them (if not more) have a rape or abuse story in their past. Ask Angela...she'll tell you the same thing. She's talked to thousands and thousands of women.
I don't get mad anymore when people look at me with boggled eyes, when I tell them the news they don't want to know about. I understand that the culture has not yet understood how pervasive rape is, in our culture. I have two choices: 1/ I can shut up and prove them right or 2/ I can keep saying it, regardless of the reaction I'm getting. I can give up being right and looking good for this. But I'm done waiting to have the perfect words or the perfect rhetoric to speak my truth. I'm done supporting this culture of shame and silence. Mr Lynch, I thought you were an ally. You broke my heart. I forgive you for not understanding that you have fallen into collaboration with the rape culture, but I'm not going to forget. I always looked at the scenes in your movies as criticism of the rape culture, but perhaps I was wrong. You have changed the context of your films by signing the petition and that, I will mourn.
PS=I request that you please think about your comments and read them twice before you post them. This is sensitive territory for me. Thank you.