Insights.
My papers might be getting done slowly, but I tell you what.. the soul work that is happening with me right now is awesome.
Last night, I was freaking out and I wrote my lovely friends in the Landmark Wisdom course in Seattle to tell them I felt I was in trouble because i hadn't done my homework and that I was worried about being a "visitor" in Seattle, when truly it feels like my home. Etc. etc.
They all responded with great heartfelt words and insights. Then I called my friend Dawn (who is in my cohort) and we had a great conversation. It's still hard for me to reach out when I don't have things figured out or when I don't feel "in control."
But I did it and it was exactly what I needed to do.
This morning, I wrote my wisdom friends again and here is what I wrote :
Just wanted to give you an update...
Thank you for your words and for reaching back to me ! I so appreciate it.
Part of what's been going on with me is that I've been working on a 14 page paper about how to potentially use drama therapy to work with survivors of child sexual abuse.
Being a survivor myself, it's reached really deep into my own life and I sometimes get triggered and revert to a needy 11 year old who thinks she is in trouble for not "abiding'.
What's awesome is that I don't stay in that 11 year old place nearly as long as I used to and that it no longer stops me from pursuing the things I want for my life.
What's awesome is that I can actually write such a paper and survive !
What's awesome is that I woke up seeing how much I defer to "authorities" and what they seem to want for me. So I just put Landmark in the role of one of these authorities for a minute there.
But here is what I am seeing this morning :
I'm the one who paid money for this course.
I'm the one who chooses what I get done and don't get done.
I am the one who chooses what I am committed to and failing or succeeding doesn't mean I am not committed. It just means failing or succeeding. It doesn't say anything about what kind of person I am.
I'll get what I get and I won't get what I don't get but no matter what it's not going to take away the fact that I am awesome, brave, loving and incredibly committed to whatever I participate in in my life.
Yay for getting back to being 36 years old this morning and doing so by reaching out to you, lovely people.
Seattle can be home and San Francisco can be where I live and I can't wait to just show up and be me with you all.
I refuse to continuously make myself wrong just because it is habitual. And I refuse to believe others are trying to make me wrong... they are not. It was my projection all along.
And that... ladies and gentlemen (my clown icon keeps making me say ladies and gentlemen I think) is the million dollar Wisdom manifesto of Boo.
Last night, I was freaking out and I wrote my lovely friends in the Landmark Wisdom course in Seattle to tell them I felt I was in trouble because i hadn't done my homework and that I was worried about being a "visitor" in Seattle, when truly it feels like my home. Etc. etc.
They all responded with great heartfelt words and insights. Then I called my friend Dawn (who is in my cohort) and we had a great conversation. It's still hard for me to reach out when I don't have things figured out or when I don't feel "in control."
But I did it and it was exactly what I needed to do.
This morning, I wrote my wisdom friends again and here is what I wrote :
Just wanted to give you an update...
Thank you for your words and for reaching back to me ! I so appreciate it.
Part of what's been going on with me is that I've been working on a 14 page paper about how to potentially use drama therapy to work with survivors of child sexual abuse.
Being a survivor myself, it's reached really deep into my own life and I sometimes get triggered and revert to a needy 11 year old who thinks she is in trouble for not "abiding'.
What's awesome is that I don't stay in that 11 year old place nearly as long as I used to and that it no longer stops me from pursuing the things I want for my life.
What's awesome is that I can actually write such a paper and survive !
What's awesome is that I woke up seeing how much I defer to "authorities" and what they seem to want for me. So I just put Landmark in the role of one of these authorities for a minute there.
But here is what I am seeing this morning :
I'm the one who paid money for this course.
I'm the one who chooses what I get done and don't get done.
I am the one who chooses what I am committed to and failing or succeeding doesn't mean I am not committed. It just means failing or succeeding. It doesn't say anything about what kind of person I am.
I'll get what I get and I won't get what I don't get but no matter what it's not going to take away the fact that I am awesome, brave, loving and incredibly committed to whatever I participate in in my life.
Yay for getting back to being 36 years old this morning and doing so by reaching out to you, lovely people.
Seattle can be home and San Francisco can be where I live and I can't wait to just show up and be me with you all.
I refuse to continuously make myself wrong just because it is habitual. And I refuse to believe others are trying to make me wrong... they are not. It was my projection all along.
And that... ladies and gentlemen (my clown icon keeps making me say ladies and gentlemen I think) is the million dollar Wisdom manifesto of Boo.