Germ discovery comes to a close
Well, I have a week left in Germany and I ask myself, have I accomplished what I wished for, have I done everything I could have?
The most obvious answer is no, I still cannot speak German all that well, I haven't gained any really close friends, and I haven't seen or done everything that I wanted to.
But in opposition, I have learned quite a lot of German, I am able to read any sign posted throughout town, am able to communicate on a basic level with people, and have had a variety of conversations. I managed to create an English life style, out of laziness, but when I actually try to speak and practice German the world always seems to revert into English again. I simply needed to assert my will.
There are so many amazing people here, in my classes and that I've come into contact with. Meeting people in classes has had some success, but with classes once a week I really have never had time to get into a relationship, only now and for the past weeks have I felt able to really talk to people. But then, as classes wind down, there has been cancellations and absences, thus making communication and friend building even more difficult. Tonight I hope to meet up with someone I'm pretty sure I should have been hanging with this whole time and then tomorrow I hope for tea time with another amazing person. My roommate has been pretty awesome, we haven't hung out very much, only really once for a football game and then we cooked once last week. I tried spending time with him, but between his full time job as a photographer, a new girlfriend, and me being out all the time nothing has been developed. Its been really hard for me this whole time to accept myself in communication with the other Americans in my program, but after Katrielle's visit I again know what a good friend and person is, thus illuminating the failure and depravity in the people I'm 'supposed' to be friends with. I tried so hard to be someone else out of a pathetic boredom. Ah well.
And I still love Berlin! This city really has everything that I can ever need. I find myself mentally anticipating at least another year here before really experiencing everything. I hear pretty much everyday more places to go, things to visit, and times to be had. There is so much here, in 7 months I have just began to scratch the surface. But I don't feel bad, the times I've had were amazing and the things I have yet to do will come if/when they do. Just last week I explored a truly gorgeous place, a neighborhood built on canals, away from the city. I tried my drawing skills, wrote a great poem under an awning during a lightning storm, and simply felt my being in a natural setting, opposed to this metropolitan hive. The next day my roommate and I cleaned the entire place, 3 hours of purification, followed by a great dinner we cooked together. The next night found me and Katrielle meeting up with some friends for the BEST PIZZA EVER, followed by a great dub/reggae party. On Thursday I got my new tattoo, 5 hours of pain, but now I have another beautiful life branding. Last night, Friday, I had my performance for Acting class where I acted out the personality of this one girl I know at an art gallery opening, the theme of the opening being the production wigs and other disguises people where. I was actually a piece in the gallery opening! Then a great vegetarian Mediterranean dinner and gaining entrance to the most popular club in Berlin, after dispatching with the drunk Brazilian mother, drunk and out for coke.
Today I'm feeling depressed because Katrielle left this morning. I feel really alone and awkward, so today I've been reading, and letting time pass. Tonight I might join my friend and a visitor in wandering, but I really hope to meet up with another friend for a fire spinning get together, followed by a cheap club or something random. We'll see.
Now, what to cook tonight?
The most obvious answer is no, I still cannot speak German all that well, I haven't gained any really close friends, and I haven't seen or done everything that I wanted to.
But in opposition, I have learned quite a lot of German, I am able to read any sign posted throughout town, am able to communicate on a basic level with people, and have had a variety of conversations. I managed to create an English life style, out of laziness, but when I actually try to speak and practice German the world always seems to revert into English again. I simply needed to assert my will.
There are so many amazing people here, in my classes and that I've come into contact with. Meeting people in classes has had some success, but with classes once a week I really have never had time to get into a relationship, only now and for the past weeks have I felt able to really talk to people. But then, as classes wind down, there has been cancellations and absences, thus making communication and friend building even more difficult. Tonight I hope to meet up with someone I'm pretty sure I should have been hanging with this whole time and then tomorrow I hope for tea time with another amazing person. My roommate has been pretty awesome, we haven't hung out very much, only really once for a football game and then we cooked once last week. I tried spending time with him, but between his full time job as a photographer, a new girlfriend, and me being out all the time nothing has been developed. Its been really hard for me this whole time to accept myself in communication with the other Americans in my program, but after Katrielle's visit I again know what a good friend and person is, thus illuminating the failure and depravity in the people I'm 'supposed' to be friends with. I tried so hard to be someone else out of a pathetic boredom. Ah well.
And I still love Berlin! This city really has everything that I can ever need. I find myself mentally anticipating at least another year here before really experiencing everything. I hear pretty much everyday more places to go, things to visit, and times to be had. There is so much here, in 7 months I have just began to scratch the surface. But I don't feel bad, the times I've had were amazing and the things I have yet to do will come if/when they do. Just last week I explored a truly gorgeous place, a neighborhood built on canals, away from the city. I tried my drawing skills, wrote a great poem under an awning during a lightning storm, and simply felt my being in a natural setting, opposed to this metropolitan hive. The next day my roommate and I cleaned the entire place, 3 hours of purification, followed by a great dinner we cooked together. The next night found me and Katrielle meeting up with some friends for the BEST PIZZA EVER, followed by a great dub/reggae party. On Thursday I got my new tattoo, 5 hours of pain, but now I have another beautiful life branding. Last night, Friday, I had my performance for Acting class where I acted out the personality of this one girl I know at an art gallery opening, the theme of the opening being the production wigs and other disguises people where. I was actually a piece in the gallery opening! Then a great vegetarian Mediterranean dinner and gaining entrance to the most popular club in Berlin, after dispatching with the drunk Brazilian mother, drunk and out for coke.
Today I'm feeling depressed because Katrielle left this morning. I feel really alone and awkward, so today I've been reading, and letting time pass. Tonight I might join my friend and a visitor in wandering, but I really hope to meet up with another friend for a fire spinning get together, followed by a cheap club or something random. We'll see.
Now, what to cook tonight?