...
1. No, I will not show you my pussy. Wrong kinda bar for that-go up the street. Whining and trying to pull the 'puppy eyes' on me won't work. I am immune to that.
2. I am not your goddamned Santas Helper, no matter how it looks. Giving me a skeevy grin and trying to drag me closer to you only serves to piss me off. Do not taunt the Happy Fun Squigglz, for she will perform impromptu surgery on you.
3. For the love of [insert deity], BATHE. YOU REEK, KTHX.
4. Attempting to 'snap' my rhinestone thong will be punishable by death. No, it doesn't hurt, you sadistic bitch, but it was expensive and I don't want some backwater yokel who thinks hes clever breaking it.
5. Acting like you're scared of me because I wear a collar is stupid. Telling me I'm 'going to hell' will make me want to shake you and say 'LOOK AROUND YOU'RE IN A STRIP CLUB DIPSHIT'.
6. Older women that come in, act bitchy, and say to our well meaning regular that he 'couldn't AFFORD to see [you]' up on stage-STFU. That doesn't make you better than us, that makes you bitchier. And oh gee, you sure seemed to change your tune later when your man wasn't paying much attention to you anymore. Then you were all about getting up onstage. Oh, sorry, you can't. Dancers only. Sorry.
7. Why yes, yes you should tip. Especially if you sit in the front row by the stage. Telling me you don't think you should have to tip anyone because you 'work hard for my money and you damn girls are draining me!!11' will be met with laughter. Again-ITS A STRIP CLUB. Of course your moneys gonna be gone. Dipshit.
8. For the last time, it's just eyeliner. I promise. It's not tattooed makeup. I'm scared of needles and thus do not do the tattoo/piercing thing. Arguing with me about whether it is tattooed or not will just make me wanna slap you. I think I know better than you what I've done to my own face.
9. No, I won't go home with you. Quit asking.
10. GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER NOW. I mean it.
11. Yes, I skip you for a reason. I hate you, you see. Ever since you stalked my friend, grabbed me and other girls, and been a general nuisance, I've avoided you. I hate you. Die slowly.
12. No, actually, I don't care about your life story. Well, except that it seems to be a trainwreck for me to enjoy. That look on my face isn't interest, it's fascination mixed with mild disgust.
13. Leave the poor pool table alone. Don't kick it, that things been abused enough as it is.
14. Yes, you still should tip even if you have a woman with you. A woman is not a 'get out of tipping free' card.
15. If you're not tipping, at least remember that clapping is still free. It's pretty sad when the strippers in the club are louder, rowdier, and more into the dancer than the customers. At least show -some- appreciation by clapping.
16. Yes, my hair is very long. Yes, it's real. No, you may not pull on it. Yes, I mean it. Oh, well, if you do I'll kick you in the balls.
17. Your being rude to me does not phase me in the slightest. Looking disappointed when I tell you 'I don't care' when you call me a bitch does not endear me to you. I grew up with two brothers and a shitload of friends in the Corps. I've been called worse :)
18. No, I will not be 'waiting under the tree' for you on Christmas. Joking that you'll have to kidnap me while trying to grab me then will result in my getting you ejected from the bar.
19. Saying 'this isn't work' is a sure way to get a lecture, complete with visuals of our bruises.
20. I SAID NO TOUCHIE THE HAIR ::punt::
2. I am not your goddamned Santas Helper, no matter how it looks. Giving me a skeevy grin and trying to drag me closer to you only serves to piss me off. Do not taunt the Happy Fun Squigglz, for she will perform impromptu surgery on you.
3. For the love of [insert deity], BATHE. YOU REEK, KTHX.
4. Attempting to 'snap' my rhinestone thong will be punishable by death. No, it doesn't hurt, you sadistic bitch, but it was expensive and I don't want some backwater yokel who thinks hes clever breaking it.
5. Acting like you're scared of me because I wear a collar is stupid. Telling me I'm 'going to hell' will make me want to shake you and say 'LOOK AROUND YOU'RE IN A STRIP CLUB DIPSHIT'.
6. Older women that come in, act bitchy, and say to our well meaning regular that he 'couldn't AFFORD to see [you]' up on stage-STFU. That doesn't make you better than us, that makes you bitchier. And oh gee, you sure seemed to change your tune later when your man wasn't paying much attention to you anymore. Then you were all about getting up onstage. Oh, sorry, you can't. Dancers only. Sorry.
7. Why yes, yes you should tip. Especially if you sit in the front row by the stage. Telling me you don't think you should have to tip anyone because you 'work hard for my money and you damn girls are draining me!!11' will be met with laughter. Again-ITS A STRIP CLUB. Of course your moneys gonna be gone. Dipshit.
8. For the last time, it's just eyeliner. I promise. It's not tattooed makeup. I'm scared of needles and thus do not do the tattoo/piercing thing. Arguing with me about whether it is tattooed or not will just make me wanna slap you. I think I know better than you what I've done to my own face.
9. No, I won't go home with you. Quit asking.
10. GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER NOW. I mean it.
11. Yes, I skip you for a reason. I hate you, you see. Ever since you stalked my friend, grabbed me and other girls, and been a general nuisance, I've avoided you. I hate you. Die slowly.
12. No, actually, I don't care about your life story. Well, except that it seems to be a trainwreck for me to enjoy. That look on my face isn't interest, it's fascination mixed with mild disgust.
13. Leave the poor pool table alone. Don't kick it, that things been abused enough as it is.
14. Yes, you still should tip even if you have a woman with you. A woman is not a 'get out of tipping free' card.
15. If you're not tipping, at least remember that clapping is still free. It's pretty sad when the strippers in the club are louder, rowdier, and more into the dancer than the customers. At least show -some- appreciation by clapping.
16. Yes, my hair is very long. Yes, it's real. No, you may not pull on it. Yes, I mean it. Oh, well, if you do I'll kick you in the balls.
17. Your being rude to me does not phase me in the slightest. Looking disappointed when I tell you 'I don't care' when you call me a bitch does not endear me to you. I grew up with two brothers and a shitload of friends in the Corps. I've been called worse :)
18. No, I will not be 'waiting under the tree' for you on Christmas. Joking that you'll have to kidnap me while trying to grab me then will result in my getting you ejected from the bar.
19. Saying 'this isn't work' is a sure way to get a lecture, complete with visuals of our bruises.
20. I SAID NO TOUCHIE THE HAIR ::punt::