yeah
i posted this on myspace, but no one can read it-HA HA
ha- i had a sort of reunion the past week, well phone reunion with an ex from my past. And I do mean past... we dated when I was a freshmen in college, back when at Kennesaw.
oh and he was 28 and I was 18 but that only bothered me a little bit and it was CRAZY the spark/chemistry/ whatever you want to call it we had. And its not like we ever ended on bad terms or anything, because we kept in touch sporadically after I moved down here. Ok, so he was the one that called me but that was b/c he had a g/f at the time and that was back in like 2005-2006. Anyway he is married to her now, so I wont call him at all, not that I ever did. Situations change and its mainly out of respect and knowing some things about the wifey. Plus if it was me, i am not too sure how comfortable I would feel if it was my husband. I dont want her to be like why the hell is this girl calling you all the time and I wouldnt want to have to deal with it. He told me that she knows he talks to me but I am not sure she really really knows. But after he got married the calls were less and less , which I completley understand and it was good to not talk for a while. he was doing his thing and me mine.
Anyway, so this all started b/c I sent him a message on myspace which I do from time to time just to see what is going on b/c like i said i am not ok with calling him. Anyway so he sends me one back and it says like I was just thinking about you and i tried to call you a few times. Well basically I tell him that whem he calls me again he should leave a message with his phone number, because the last time i talked to him was a year ago on the day my grandfather died and I wasnt really thinking about saving his new number.
So finally he gets a hold of me and it was just like old times minus the old talk about him want to have sex with me.... ha ha ha and the funny thing is that i think the only reason he didnt say anything is because he is married and he is now like a religious figure to his church.
So the funny thing is that when we dated or just hooked up or whatever you want to call it, he was not into God at all. I dont even think that issue came up once, but then again it was a long time ago. When we were doing our thing he was horny as hell and woudl get mad if i didnt want to have sex and now hes all like "julie, I hope you are not doing anything bad"
I know he means it in a good way but its just funny how things change. i meant to ask him today where the sudden GOd changed happened b/c literally it was like someone flipped a switch and now he is all into it. Dont get me wrong, I am pretty spiritual myself but not to the degree that he is. He is almost on the verge of bible thumper which I cant stand. H is a great person to talk to though if i have questions or I am lost although I dont really get ot talk to him that much. But its crazy when we do talk b/c its like we never lost touch and really we can talk for hours and hours and hours ( we dont b/c he calls me on his way home from work) and its not akward or static or anything. There is just always been something there and probably always will be. I know that he will always love me and hodl what we had highly b/c I feel the same about him. He always says " I really love talking to you. you are one of the few people that can make me melt" Really those were his words. And that means a lot to me because I dont have that with a lot of past relationships. It is weird too because it was never a boyfriend/girlfriend thing it was just what it was. To this day i dont think either one of us really knows how to define it.
I still remember going to meet him and talk to him ( this was early on) and being completly nervous talking to him. His eyes were throwing me off too.. LOL
and i still remember the first kiss, which is really lame but I cant help it because that was a really happy moment for me. And although it was a happy there were also a lot of problmes. one being the obvious that he was 28 and i was 18. I mean it was always like he was giving me advice and i didnt want it, granted I appreciated it but most of the time it was kind of in that I am older than you and you dont know kinda way. Secondly he never really asked about m,e but when we were going to see each other again. Plus like the second week we were together, he told someone on the phone he was going to put a ring on my finger which at 18 scared the shit outta me. I had no desire to get married, and def. not to him. he knew I was freaked out about it too but i dont think he knew to what degree. And the other thing that bothered me is that he would brag to all his freinds about being me because i was 18 and i was "hot" as they called me. and i was flattered to a degree but it just didnt stop and it got old. It got to me that he never came to my side of town i always went to his.
Its just that talking to him really made me miss him. And its not like I want to get back together with him, its just that looking back now he was a really great person in my life. he was there when I needed him to be and we had a lot of un and I miss that. he taught me a lot and reall yheloed me grow up and even helped me finialize my descion to go to GSU. He begged me not to go but I told him it was something I needed to do. He decided that that was too much and got a new girl which was fine with me but he is missing out too. i dont regret for a second leaving. He said that it would have worked out if I stayed but since he is married i
dont really know if he should say that. things may change when I move back in decmeber which I expect. Meaning I may actually get to see him once in a while but its going to be weird the first few times and he even said that. I pretty much know in my heart that nothing would happen between us unless we were at someone's place. which probably will never ever happen ever agian but he claims that something may. he said he believes that he wouldnt do anything but I know him better than that and i am pretty sure he would try something. Not because he doesnt love his wife but just because the attraction btwn us is really strong. As much as he hates to admit and i dont think he ever will, i am pretty sure he got tired of waiting for me and i dont blame him. I never had any intention of marrying him and to be honest i still dont. we are those people where were not bad together we’re just better off apart. I know that he will always play some role in my life... always... and i am happy and ok with that. but i just dont like missing him although its not really in the sexual way although that was pretty good... ha ha ha
i just dont know what i am feeling right now and part of me feels like i should be with him but the other part is saying if you were meant to be with him you would be and so i am just torn and feeling bittersweet about the whole thing.
arrggh!
anyway thats enough blabbing. I have to go to sleep because i am lame. actually no., just because i have to be at work at 530 am tommrow. Cant have the blue towels not folded for the exercisers... ha ha ha ha
ha- i had a sort of reunion the past week, well phone reunion with an ex from my past. And I do mean past... we dated when I was a freshmen in college, back when at Kennesaw.
oh and he was 28 and I was 18 but that only bothered me a little bit and it was CRAZY the spark/chemistry/ whatever you want to call it we had. And its not like we ever ended on bad terms or anything, because we kept in touch sporadically after I moved down here. Ok, so he was the one that called me but that was b/c he had a g/f at the time and that was back in like 2005-2006. Anyway he is married to her now, so I wont call him at all, not that I ever did. Situations change and its mainly out of respect and knowing some things about the wifey. Plus if it was me, i am not too sure how comfortable I would feel if it was my husband. I dont want her to be like why the hell is this girl calling you all the time and I wouldnt want to have to deal with it. He told me that she knows he talks to me but I am not sure she really really knows. But after he got married the calls were less and less , which I completley understand and it was good to not talk for a while. he was doing his thing and me mine.
Anyway, so this all started b/c I sent him a message on myspace which I do from time to time just to see what is going on b/c like i said i am not ok with calling him. Anyway so he sends me one back and it says like I was just thinking about you and i tried to call you a few times. Well basically I tell him that whem he calls me again he should leave a message with his phone number, because the last time i talked to him was a year ago on the day my grandfather died and I wasnt really thinking about saving his new number.
So finally he gets a hold of me and it was just like old times minus the old talk about him want to have sex with me.... ha ha ha and the funny thing is that i think the only reason he didnt say anything is because he is married and he is now like a religious figure to his church.
So the funny thing is that when we dated or just hooked up or whatever you want to call it, he was not into God at all. I dont even think that issue came up once, but then again it was a long time ago. When we were doing our thing he was horny as hell and woudl get mad if i didnt want to have sex and now hes all like "julie, I hope you are not doing anything bad"
I know he means it in a good way but its just funny how things change. i meant to ask him today where the sudden GOd changed happened b/c literally it was like someone flipped a switch and now he is all into it. Dont get me wrong, I am pretty spiritual myself but not to the degree that he is. He is almost on the verge of bible thumper which I cant stand. H is a great person to talk to though if i have questions or I am lost although I dont really get ot talk to him that much. But its crazy when we do talk b/c its like we never lost touch and really we can talk for hours and hours and hours ( we dont b/c he calls me on his way home from work) and its not akward or static or anything. There is just always been something there and probably always will be. I know that he will always love me and hodl what we had highly b/c I feel the same about him. He always says " I really love talking to you. you are one of the few people that can make me melt" Really those were his words. And that means a lot to me because I dont have that with a lot of past relationships. It is weird too because it was never a boyfriend/girlfriend thing it was just what it was. To this day i dont think either one of us really knows how to define it.
I still remember going to meet him and talk to him ( this was early on) and being completly nervous talking to him. His eyes were throwing me off too.. LOL
and i still remember the first kiss, which is really lame but I cant help it because that was a really happy moment for me. And although it was a happy there were also a lot of problmes. one being the obvious that he was 28 and i was 18. I mean it was always like he was giving me advice and i didnt want it, granted I appreciated it but most of the time it was kind of in that I am older than you and you dont know kinda way. Secondly he never really asked about m,e but when we were going to see each other again. Plus like the second week we were together, he told someone on the phone he was going to put a ring on my finger which at 18 scared the shit outta me. I had no desire to get married, and def. not to him. he knew I was freaked out about it too but i dont think he knew to what degree. And the other thing that bothered me is that he would brag to all his freinds about being me because i was 18 and i was "hot" as they called me. and i was flattered to a degree but it just didnt stop and it got old. It got to me that he never came to my side of town i always went to his.
Its just that talking to him really made me miss him. And its not like I want to get back together with him, its just that looking back now he was a really great person in my life. he was there when I needed him to be and we had a lot of un and I miss that. he taught me a lot and reall yheloed me grow up and even helped me finialize my descion to go to GSU. He begged me not to go but I told him it was something I needed to do. He decided that that was too much and got a new girl which was fine with me but he is missing out too. i dont regret for a second leaving. He said that it would have worked out if I stayed but since he is married i
dont really know if he should say that. things may change when I move back in decmeber which I expect. Meaning I may actually get to see him once in a while but its going to be weird the first few times and he even said that. I pretty much know in my heart that nothing would happen between us unless we were at someone's place. which probably will never ever happen ever agian but he claims that something may. he said he believes that he wouldnt do anything but I know him better than that and i am pretty sure he would try something. Not because he doesnt love his wife but just because the attraction btwn us is really strong. As much as he hates to admit and i dont think he ever will, i am pretty sure he got tired of waiting for me and i dont blame him. I never had any intention of marrying him and to be honest i still dont. we are those people where were not bad together we’re just better off apart. I know that he will always play some role in my life... always... and i am happy and ok with that. but i just dont like missing him although its not really in the sexual way although that was pretty good... ha ha ha
i just dont know what i am feeling right now and part of me feels like i should be with him but the other part is saying if you were meant to be with him you would be and so i am just torn and feeling bittersweet about the whole thing.
arrggh!
anyway thats enough blabbing. I have to go to sleep because i am lame. actually no., just because i have to be at work at 530 am tommrow. Cant have the blue towels not folded for the exercisers... ha ha ha ha