This ALWAYS happens...
so i have this dilema although i believe most people would be happy to have a dilema like mine but it gets old and annoying and def. makes you worry if what you did was right. i guess i should explain....
so we all know or if we dont we know now that julie has/had, (still there) from last year a huge crush on mark. and no, although nothing ever came from it last year its like i still have it like i did last year i am just not infatuated anyore i am like do something or shut up. lol. i am not outting up with all that mess he did last year od well lets not even go there but yeah. now he keep stelling me i should know what he wants and he knows what he wants too but he just cant tell me. well i am not a mind reader and i am not gonna try to guess hwat someone wants and mess the whole thing up. first problem i see is lack of comminuication. i dont want to be with someone that cant even say what they want. of course you could look at it the other way and say that hes just scared but come on take a risk. anyway so we flirt like all the time and whenever we hang out it looks like we are together but i am getting nothing about anything from his end. thats fine but i dont know how much more i will put up with it cause its getting old. and then there is kyle. yes, kyle decided he could talk to me once agian- lol no he was just figuring stuff out or something - nothing to be mad about which i am not but i dont know what he wants either and refuse to ask because i just met him and dont want to mess things up. i already told him hes not getting sex cause i am not easy and so yeah hes still around but i am kinda wondering what does he want. so you see i have two boys that both have positive and negatoves. i guess it just becomes who i like more or rather whos craop i can put up with- lol no. just kidding.
but then the question is do i even want a relationship right now. i am too busy for my freinds as it is and if i get a boyfriend then i can pretty much forget them. i dont say that ot be mean but i know that i did it in the past and truth be told i will prolly do it again. i hate to say that because look where it got me but ya know i am only human. i just dont know that i have the capacity to care about someone other than myself right now since i am still trying to work on getting myself staright with all these medicine, school and my life in general. its hard to be in college, deal with relationships, figure yourself out and have a disorder without medication that works. i am better than i was dont get me wrong but i have bad days and good days and also i dont want to have to rely on someone else to pick me up which is what i have done in the past. -codependents annonymous baby!!! lol
anyway yeah so school blows. i mean i am learning but i am getting sick of my classes and want them ot be over. all done!!! please?!! i am still trying to raise my grades and it is hard but i wont medically withdrawl or give up fighting because i am not a quiter. i hate the bi=polar for causing me to make crappy grades but i would hate it even more ifi let it win and gave up. my doctor suggested i take a year off to get this whole mess starightned out and i told her iw ould think about it but i am not thinking about it seriosuly. i love college why would i want to leave. then i would have to re arrange my life again and i dont even have a desire to have a full time job yet. i told her i am not giving up and college is where i need to be and it will only help me. you cant always quit when you dont like how things are looking. things are going well and until a need arises for me to serisouly think about leaving then she can forget it.
anywya ihave to go study for accounting which i despise btw!! ta ta everyone........
so we all know or if we dont we know now that julie has/had, (still there) from last year a huge crush on mark. and no, although nothing ever came from it last year its like i still have it like i did last year i am just not infatuated anyore i am like do something or shut up. lol. i am not outting up with all that mess he did last year od well lets not even go there but yeah. now he keep stelling me i should know what he wants and he knows what he wants too but he just cant tell me. well i am not a mind reader and i am not gonna try to guess hwat someone wants and mess the whole thing up. first problem i see is lack of comminuication. i dont want to be with someone that cant even say what they want. of course you could look at it the other way and say that hes just scared but come on take a risk. anyway so we flirt like all the time and whenever we hang out it looks like we are together but i am getting nothing about anything from his end. thats fine but i dont know how much more i will put up with it cause its getting old. and then there is kyle. yes, kyle decided he could talk to me once agian- lol no he was just figuring stuff out or something - nothing to be mad about which i am not but i dont know what he wants either and refuse to ask because i just met him and dont want to mess things up. i already told him hes not getting sex cause i am not easy and so yeah hes still around but i am kinda wondering what does he want. so you see i have two boys that both have positive and negatoves. i guess it just becomes who i like more or rather whos craop i can put up with- lol no. just kidding.
but then the question is do i even want a relationship right now. i am too busy for my freinds as it is and if i get a boyfriend then i can pretty much forget them. i dont say that ot be mean but i know that i did it in the past and truth be told i will prolly do it again. i hate to say that because look where it got me but ya know i am only human. i just dont know that i have the capacity to care about someone other than myself right now since i am still trying to work on getting myself staright with all these medicine, school and my life in general. its hard to be in college, deal with relationships, figure yourself out and have a disorder without medication that works. i am better than i was dont get me wrong but i have bad days and good days and also i dont want to have to rely on someone else to pick me up which is what i have done in the past. -codependents annonymous baby!!! lol
anyway yeah so school blows. i mean i am learning but i am getting sick of my classes and want them ot be over. all done!!! please?!! i am still trying to raise my grades and it is hard but i wont medically withdrawl or give up fighting because i am not a quiter. i hate the bi=polar for causing me to make crappy grades but i would hate it even more ifi let it win and gave up. my doctor suggested i take a year off to get this whole mess starightned out and i told her iw ould think about it but i am not thinking about it seriosuly. i love college why would i want to leave. then i would have to re arrange my life again and i dont even have a desire to have a full time job yet. i told her i am not giving up and college is where i need to be and it will only help me. you cant always quit when you dont like how things are looking. things are going well and until a need arises for me to serisouly think about leaving then she can forget it.
anywya ihave to go study for accounting which i despise btw!! ta ta everyone........