this may seem really long but its just a figment of your imagination or kelly's battle !!!!
I made the easiest $20 bucks ever today. My mom and I went to my cousin's ballroom dancing finals (have you seen mad hot ballroom? it's the same program...) and he was actually really freakin' good. I was crazy impressed. But the announcer guy was not. He started out as being kinda funny, but after the 9th time he yelled "get on your feet! they deserve a standing ovation!" i was ready to punch him in the throat, plus ever other word out of his mouth was "unbelievable!"
for example:
"man those kids are unbelievable!" or
"can we have a standing ovation for unbelievable judges! they're unbelievable!"
"This competition is really heating up an unbelievable amount! It's really unbelievable!"
"on your unbelievable feet! I just took the most unbelievable crap! It was unbelievable!!!"
so after THREE HOURS of this bullshit, i was ready to stab him, and as we're walking out after the contest (my cousin's school came in 4th! woo!) my mom sees the announcer and goes "i'll give you 20 bucks if you go up to him and tell him he's unbelievable." so, to her surprise, I do it. I go up to him and say "you know, you were really great." and he smiles genuinely and says "thank you!" and then, with the straightest face i could muster i reply "You were really unbelievable." and the guy smiles even bigger and says thanks again! I turn and leave because i couldn't not laugh any longer. BUT THEN we're outside and he comes out there looking for someone, then spots my mom and makes a beeline to her, so i run and hide behind a corner. And my mom says he stood around looking for me for a long while... and i hid out the entire time and avoided potentially most awkward hitting-on in my life.
THE TALE OF THE BITCHIEST MANAGER IN THE WORLD:
But let's back track a little before that, in fact to the day before. close your eyes for a moment and imagine an early Saturday afternoon, where i will lay before the scene of the bitchiest apartment manager of all time:
So it's 1:40 on a sat afternoon, and i've realized i'm a fuckin' dumbass and locked myself out of my apartment. This is the first time i've EVER done this, as i'm always really careful to check for my keys when i leave. i guess i was too enticed by the idea of cinamelts at mcdonalds to check, but that's beside the point. So my mom and I are waiting outside the management office (which is in the building next to mine) so i can ask for a key to go get mine. The manager comes in after about a 20 minute wait and we move inside and she starts snapping at us "hurry up, get inside, come on! the office is closing! office is closing! get inside!" (and i note that office is not supposed to close until 3 on saturdays and it's barely 2 now) and she rushes us inside. she takes one look at me and says "what." in the bitchiest tone you can possibly imagine. and the what isn't even close to a question, it's more of a verbal attack. So i sigh and say " i accidently locked myself out of my apartment, can i borrow the key to get in and get my keys?" she looks at me and says "that'll be 20 bucks." So i kind of laugh, assuming, you know, that's a joke...and she says
"No, i'm serious. I'm not a concierge. I want to see 20 bucks before i lend you the key."
so i think my jaw hit the floor at this time and my brain reels and tries to think, no, no one could possibly be this much of a bitch, so i reply with "no, i didn't LOSE my key, i just need to borrow one for like, 30 seconds." I say and she sticks out her hand and says "20 bucks!" So suddenly my mom gets all feisty (which is very unlike my mother, she's the chillest lady ever) and says "well we'll pay that after the elevator is fixed." and then the manager lady launches into this tirade of bullshit about how the city needs to give her permits and shit, even though i've heard the city lecture the guys that work there about how they need to get on the elevator problem, because, it's real fucking illegal.
So then my mom counters back with "well haven't you been dinged by the ADA?" and the lady launches into some other spiel about how they don't need to fix their elevator because it's such an old place, but that's wrong, i read the elevator code and since there's one already in place it is considered "readily available" and therefore mandatory to be in operation. but after this she like freaks out and starts shouting" do you want to talk to my boss?! here's her number!" and like runs to her desk totally out of control and my mom is completely calm and says "yes, i would appreciate that." so the lady like shoves a card in her hand.
then she turns to the poor dude who was just standing there witnessing this whole scene and says "what apartment would you like to see?" and the look on that guys face was priceless...like "holy shit you are a she devil i'm TERRIFIED to live here!" was as close as i could come to describing it. he like is speechless and so in the awkward silence she turns to me and hands me the key and says "i'll give this to you if you promise to put the 20 in the rent box right away." but then i realized something...she wanted me to pay her cash, and i knew it was just going to go straight to her pocket so I reply with "can't i just put it on my rent?" and she gets all huffy and mumbles something offhand and we leave...and i didn't pay it. I put the loaner key back (about 1 min after i used it) and just didn't put the twenty dollars in there.
so yeah, that's my bitchy apartment manager story. I'm nervous as to the fact that i have shoes coming here (and they're supposedly here, but i haven't received a package notice.) and i'm afraid she'll either a) never put a notice up for me or b) when i go in there start another fight with me. I hate fighting with people, and i really avoid conflict at all cost, but all my years of mock trial have paid off in the sense that i'm a damn good arguer, and if need be, i can channel my nurse ratched and be a cold hearted bitch if needed.
wow that was long. sorry. i guess i should be in bed now. I have so much photoing to do tomorrow. Plus the sooner i go to sleep the sooner i wake up and get to eat some tasty cereal! yay! i love cereal!
all for now
-kelly
for example:
"man those kids are unbelievable!" or
"can we have a standing ovation for unbelievable judges! they're unbelievable!"
"This competition is really heating up an unbelievable amount! It's really unbelievable!"
"on your unbelievable feet! I just took the most unbelievable crap! It was unbelievable!!!"
so after THREE HOURS of this bullshit, i was ready to stab him, and as we're walking out after the contest (my cousin's school came in 4th! woo!) my mom sees the announcer and goes "i'll give you 20 bucks if you go up to him and tell him he's unbelievable." so, to her surprise, I do it. I go up to him and say "you know, you were really great." and he smiles genuinely and says "thank you!" and then, with the straightest face i could muster i reply "You were really unbelievable." and the guy smiles even bigger and says thanks again! I turn and leave because i couldn't not laugh any longer. BUT THEN we're outside and he comes out there looking for someone, then spots my mom and makes a beeline to her, so i run and hide behind a corner. And my mom says he stood around looking for me for a long while... and i hid out the entire time and avoided potentially most awkward hitting-on in my life.
THE TALE OF THE BITCHIEST MANAGER IN THE WORLD:
But let's back track a little before that, in fact to the day before. close your eyes for a moment and imagine an early Saturday afternoon, where i will lay before the scene of the bitchiest apartment manager of all time:
So it's 1:40 on a sat afternoon, and i've realized i'm a fuckin' dumbass and locked myself out of my apartment. This is the first time i've EVER done this, as i'm always really careful to check for my keys when i leave. i guess i was too enticed by the idea of cinamelts at mcdonalds to check, but that's beside the point. So my mom and I are waiting outside the management office (which is in the building next to mine) so i can ask for a key to go get mine. The manager comes in after about a 20 minute wait and we move inside and she starts snapping at us "hurry up, get inside, come on! the office is closing! office is closing! get inside!" (and i note that office is not supposed to close until 3 on saturdays and it's barely 2 now) and she rushes us inside. she takes one look at me and says "what." in the bitchiest tone you can possibly imagine. and the what isn't even close to a question, it's more of a verbal attack. So i sigh and say " i accidently locked myself out of my apartment, can i borrow the key to get in and get my keys?" she looks at me and says "that'll be 20 bucks." So i kind of laugh, assuming, you know, that's a joke...and she says
"No, i'm serious. I'm not a concierge. I want to see 20 bucks before i lend you the key."
so i think my jaw hit the floor at this time and my brain reels and tries to think, no, no one could possibly be this much of a bitch, so i reply with "no, i didn't LOSE my key, i just need to borrow one for like, 30 seconds." I say and she sticks out her hand and says "20 bucks!" So suddenly my mom gets all feisty (which is very unlike my mother, she's the chillest lady ever) and says "well we'll pay that after the elevator is fixed." and then the manager lady launches into this tirade of bullshit about how the city needs to give her permits and shit, even though i've heard the city lecture the guys that work there about how they need to get on the elevator problem, because, it's real fucking illegal.
So then my mom counters back with "well haven't you been dinged by the ADA?" and the lady launches into some other spiel about how they don't need to fix their elevator because it's such an old place, but that's wrong, i read the elevator code and since there's one already in place it is considered "readily available" and therefore mandatory to be in operation. but after this she like freaks out and starts shouting" do you want to talk to my boss?! here's her number!" and like runs to her desk totally out of control and my mom is completely calm and says "yes, i would appreciate that." so the lady like shoves a card in her hand.
then she turns to the poor dude who was just standing there witnessing this whole scene and says "what apartment would you like to see?" and the look on that guys face was priceless...like "holy shit you are a she devil i'm TERRIFIED to live here!" was as close as i could come to describing it. he like is speechless and so in the awkward silence she turns to me and hands me the key and says "i'll give this to you if you promise to put the 20 in the rent box right away." but then i realized something...she wanted me to pay her cash, and i knew it was just going to go straight to her pocket so I reply with "can't i just put it on my rent?" and she gets all huffy and mumbles something offhand and we leave...and i didn't pay it. I put the loaner key back (about 1 min after i used it) and just didn't put the twenty dollars in there.
so yeah, that's my bitchy apartment manager story. I'm nervous as to the fact that i have shoes coming here (and they're supposedly here, but i haven't received a package notice.) and i'm afraid she'll either a) never put a notice up for me or b) when i go in there start another fight with me. I hate fighting with people, and i really avoid conflict at all cost, but all my years of mock trial have paid off in the sense that i'm a damn good arguer, and if need be, i can channel my nurse ratched and be a cold hearted bitch if needed.
wow that was long. sorry. i guess i should be in bed now. I have so much photoing to do tomorrow. Plus the sooner i go to sleep the sooner i wake up and get to eat some tasty cereal! yay! i love cereal!
all for now
-kelly