my sweetest friend, everyone i know goes away in the end.
my brain feels sticky. Like a big ball of old, rotting cobwebs and cotton candy is clogging all the gears and preventing them from turning, and strangling all my thoughts in the process...
but at the same time I feel like my brain is going a million miles a minute and i can't really get anything done because i can't get it to slow down and focus.
it seems like everything is too blurry and too sharp all at once. There are moments where I can see everything laid out before me, and moments where I feel like everything is meaningless shapes...and neither provide relief.
i'm like a fly on the wall, watching my family self destruct. i hate march. my aunt is literally insane, my grandma is dying, hooked up to a machine i know and my family knows she doesn't want to be hooked to, my uncle is dead, another has aids, my great grandma is going to have to bury her child, it's the anniversary of my cousin's death soon and watching my grandpa, a man who i respect greatly, the man who lead the team of engineers to build the first nuclear submarine, cry is something i never ever want to see again.
i hate this. watching all of this, silently, as the oldest grandchild, yet the youngest "adult". seeing my family cry...we don't cry...this is too much...
do you know how hard it is to fight with your family for the right to basically kill your own grandmother?
i hate this. i just don't know what to do.
but at the same time I feel like my brain is going a million miles a minute and i can't really get anything done because i can't get it to slow down and focus.
it seems like everything is too blurry and too sharp all at once. There are moments where I can see everything laid out before me, and moments where I feel like everything is meaningless shapes...and neither provide relief.
i'm like a fly on the wall, watching my family self destruct. i hate march. my aunt is literally insane, my grandma is dying, hooked up to a machine i know and my family knows she doesn't want to be hooked to, my uncle is dead, another has aids, my great grandma is going to have to bury her child, it's the anniversary of my cousin's death soon and watching my grandpa, a man who i respect greatly, the man who lead the team of engineers to build the first nuclear submarine, cry is something i never ever want to see again.
i hate this. watching all of this, silently, as the oldest grandchild, yet the youngest "adult". seeing my family cry...we don't cry...this is too much...
do you know how hard it is to fight with your family for the right to basically kill your own grandmother?
i hate this. i just don't know what to do.