(no subject)
my eyes are swollen and im sick to my stomach. i already collasped and i cant handle this.
i always fuckin mess everything up.its always my fault.no one ever wants me i want ever be good enough for anyone or find "that one". i thought i did but now its over till i make my decision. i cant handle the tears he gives me all the time without knowing it and how bad he is hurting me lately. but i cant handle not being with him.i miss him...if only he could see.
he hasnt tried to even save our realtionship or cared he has made me cry so much lately. that fuckin bitch seems to have more of a meaning 2 him than i do.
OH MY FUCKING GOSH THIS HURTS SO BAD AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!
when we got off the phone i tried to stand up to go talk to my friends bc we were at my friend joshs house and i collasped and curled into a ball and lost it all out right there.they thought i was on the phone still but then realized it was quiet and they didnt see me in the room and went to go look for me an came back and saw me by the desk curled up shaking and crying so hard and i didnt know they were there till they put there hand on my back and i lost it harder. my makeup was all over me and i was snotting and couldnt breath, i almost had an asthma attack it was that bad.
i dont even know why we fell apart and i miss him so much. i want MY chris back. the chris i know.the chris who did eveything to give me what i would need. the chris who protected me from people and made sure i didnt get hurt. the chris who hated to see or hear me cry. the chris who sent random texts and wrote notes. the chris who would want to see me soo bad for just and hour. the chris who held my hand, hugged and kissed me like he means it. the chris who made more than enough time for me. the chris who bought me random things. the chris who would say sweet things to me that made me feel so good bout myself. the chris who would get jealous every once and a while.
i want that chris back
and now i cant
he doesnt want someone who gets jealous and cant trurt him.he dont want someone who throws evil comments. he doesnt want that and i am that
i hate myself
i fuckin screw it all up all the time.
im a screw up and no one will ever want me....EVER!
i cant handle this and im torn up and he doesnt see that. he doesnt see that i call my friends crying bout him. he doesnt see that i dont sleep or eat bc of him. he doesnt see i dont sleep.he doesnt see that i dont concentrate in school.all becasue he is the only thing i can think of.he doesnt see it.
im exhausted so bad from lack of sleep and eating and crying all the time.
why doesnt god ever give me a normal realtionship? were in high school and suppose to be having the time of our lives.
no one can fix this heartbreak.
even if we do get back together nothing is going to be the same ever.he wont trust me and will be scared to see the next time i freak out will bee.
he doesnt see that im protecting myself from getting hurt again bc i know what its like to get hurt. i know the signs of someone doing shit behind my back or cheating on me. i dont want that to happen again and if there one thing im sure if its that im madly in love with him and i know that for sure.
i dont know what to do. all i can do is curl in a ball and cry my eyes out till theres nothing left of me and then cry some more.
i wont him so bad but i dont want him to hurt me and make me jealous. but not being with him is tearing my whole soul and heart apart. that bpy has my heart in his palm and right now he is sqeezing it and throwing it on the ground and stomping all over it.
im got fucked up and pissed off and now my constaquince(whatever i catn spell)is to deal with a broken heart and i have to be the one to call him!!
what should i do?
i wanna jump off a cliff...do something to hide this pain buried within me and let it be gone forever.
im goin try to sleep bc i can barely see bc my eyes are really swollen and i can barely see and my body is so weak.
i miss him more than he would ever know.....
i always fuckin mess everything up.its always my fault.no one ever wants me i want ever be good enough for anyone or find "that one". i thought i did but now its over till i make my decision. i cant handle the tears he gives me all the time without knowing it and how bad he is hurting me lately. but i cant handle not being with him.i miss him...if only he could see.
he hasnt tried to even save our realtionship or cared he has made me cry so much lately. that fuckin bitch seems to have more of a meaning 2 him than i do.
OH MY FUCKING GOSH THIS HURTS SO BAD AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!
when we got off the phone i tried to stand up to go talk to my friends bc we were at my friend joshs house and i collasped and curled into a ball and lost it all out right there.they thought i was on the phone still but then realized it was quiet and they didnt see me in the room and went to go look for me an came back and saw me by the desk curled up shaking and crying so hard and i didnt know they were there till they put there hand on my back and i lost it harder. my makeup was all over me and i was snotting and couldnt breath, i almost had an asthma attack it was that bad.
i dont even know why we fell apart and i miss him so much. i want MY chris back. the chris i know.the chris who did eveything to give me what i would need. the chris who protected me from people and made sure i didnt get hurt. the chris who hated to see or hear me cry. the chris who sent random texts and wrote notes. the chris who would want to see me soo bad for just and hour. the chris who held my hand, hugged and kissed me like he means it. the chris who made more than enough time for me. the chris who bought me random things. the chris who would say sweet things to me that made me feel so good bout myself. the chris who would get jealous every once and a while.
i want that chris back
and now i cant
he doesnt want someone who gets jealous and cant trurt him.he dont want someone who throws evil comments. he doesnt want that and i am that
i hate myself
i fuckin screw it all up all the time.
im a screw up and no one will ever want me....EVER!
i cant handle this and im torn up and he doesnt see that. he doesnt see that i call my friends crying bout him. he doesnt see that i dont sleep or eat bc of him. he doesnt see i dont sleep.he doesnt see that i dont concentrate in school.all becasue he is the only thing i can think of.he doesnt see it.
im exhausted so bad from lack of sleep and eating and crying all the time.
why doesnt god ever give me a normal realtionship? were in high school and suppose to be having the time of our lives.
no one can fix this heartbreak.
even if we do get back together nothing is going to be the same ever.he wont trust me and will be scared to see the next time i freak out will bee.
he doesnt see that im protecting myself from getting hurt again bc i know what its like to get hurt. i know the signs of someone doing shit behind my back or cheating on me. i dont want that to happen again and if there one thing im sure if its that im madly in love with him and i know that for sure.
i dont know what to do. all i can do is curl in a ball and cry my eyes out till theres nothing left of me and then cry some more.
i wont him so bad but i dont want him to hurt me and make me jealous. but not being with him is tearing my whole soul and heart apart. that bpy has my heart in his palm and right now he is sqeezing it and throwing it on the ground and stomping all over it.
im got fucked up and pissed off and now my constaquince(whatever i catn spell)is to deal with a broken heart and i have to be the one to call him!!
what should i do?
i wanna jump off a cliff...do something to hide this pain buried within me and let it be gone forever.
im goin try to sleep bc i can barely see bc my eyes are really swollen and i can barely see and my body is so weak.
i miss him more than he would ever know.....