September 5, 2007 a date to treasure
I've been meaning to post about this for quite some time. God has been working in my life in the most amazing ways this past month, and He has taught me even more.
Lately I have been taking an online course that many people on cf recommended me called the Lord's Table, put out by the setting captives free ministries. The course is 60 days long and is designed to help people with eating disorders such as anorexia, bullemia, or gluttony. Students have lost hundreds of pounds on this program. Within a couple days, my focus completely shifted. I realized that my purpose was not to lose weight, but rather to glorify God in in all that I eat, drink, and do. I began to look at myself differently.I realized that even if I didn't lose weight, that would be ok with me because God would still be glorified with whatever shape my body was in. Little by little, I learned to give up every aspect of this sin up to God and He continued to humble me into seeing my sin for what it really was: abominable.
My biggest eye-opener was on day six: two kinds of food. This lesson was about the Bread of Life. As I studied, a certain verse caught my attention and hit me hard:
John 6:35-
"Then Jesus declared, ?I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty?"
I realized something: all my life I hadn't come to Christ, because I was still hungry! I attempted to supress my spiritual hunger for all these years with stale bread, and never even tasted the Bread of Life. What a wake-up! I really thought I was saved for these past 21 years. I wasn't.
That morning was a joyous one. For the first time I came to Jesus and found the Living water, for the first time in my life I placed my stale bread and sewer water aside.
There's even more to the story. As fast as possible I left for my father-in-law's house to tell Kenny. He seemed unmoved about the subject, far different from the reaction I expected. This was pretty troubling for me, we discussed it later that evening. The next few evenings would begin and end the same way: start with a fight, and then end in some spiritual discussion that would somehow run us both in circles. Finally, five days later Kenny came to the same conclusion and was saved Monday, September 10.
For the past couple of months Kenny and I have been in a rut. We weren't fighting but we weren't getting along to well either. The situation was quite stressful for both of us, it even seemed like we lost interest in one another. After that night, everything changed. It's almost as if we're newlyweds all over again.
God has truely been blessing us these past couple of weeks. We're still learning, still stumbling, but we're improving with each step.
Over the past month people have been telling me, "wow you look awesome, did you lose any more weight." I just smile and say, "No, I'm satisfying my spiritual appetite with Jesus Christ and He freed me from these extra pounds as a blessing." This is an exciting thing for me, in the past month I've lost almost ten pounds, and I have another month to go. If that wasn't testimony enough of the change in my life, there's much more. I'm a more active person, I'm less lazy, and I actually work at reflecting Christ in my life.
To those of you who believed I was saved all these years: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied, I'm sorry I led you to believe I was something I'm not. I thought I was too. This has been a reminder of Jeremiah 17:9 for me. My heart fooled me into thinking something was there all these years, until God got inside of it, and spoke loud enough that I could hear Him over the lies my heart was telling me.
Lately I have been taking an online course that many people on cf recommended me called the Lord's Table, put out by the setting captives free ministries. The course is 60 days long and is designed to help people with eating disorders such as anorexia, bullemia, or gluttony. Students have lost hundreds of pounds on this program. Within a couple days, my focus completely shifted. I realized that my purpose was not to lose weight, but rather to glorify God in in all that I eat, drink, and do. I began to look at myself differently.I realized that even if I didn't lose weight, that would be ok with me because God would still be glorified with whatever shape my body was in. Little by little, I learned to give up every aspect of this sin up to God and He continued to humble me into seeing my sin for what it really was: abominable.
My biggest eye-opener was on day six: two kinds of food. This lesson was about the Bread of Life. As I studied, a certain verse caught my attention and hit me hard:
John 6:35-
"Then Jesus declared, ?I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty?"
I realized something: all my life I hadn't come to Christ, because I was still hungry! I attempted to supress my spiritual hunger for all these years with stale bread, and never even tasted the Bread of Life. What a wake-up! I really thought I was saved for these past 21 years. I wasn't.
That morning was a joyous one. For the first time I came to Jesus and found the Living water, for the first time in my life I placed my stale bread and sewer water aside.
There's even more to the story. As fast as possible I left for my father-in-law's house to tell Kenny. He seemed unmoved about the subject, far different from the reaction I expected. This was pretty troubling for me, we discussed it later that evening. The next few evenings would begin and end the same way: start with a fight, and then end in some spiritual discussion that would somehow run us both in circles. Finally, five days later Kenny came to the same conclusion and was saved Monday, September 10.
For the past couple of months Kenny and I have been in a rut. We weren't fighting but we weren't getting along to well either. The situation was quite stressful for both of us, it even seemed like we lost interest in one another. After that night, everything changed. It's almost as if we're newlyweds all over again.
God has truely been blessing us these past couple of weeks. We're still learning, still stumbling, but we're improving with each step.
Over the past month people have been telling me, "wow you look awesome, did you lose any more weight." I just smile and say, "No, I'm satisfying my spiritual appetite with Jesus Christ and He freed me from these extra pounds as a blessing." This is an exciting thing for me, in the past month I've lost almost ten pounds, and I have another month to go. If that wasn't testimony enough of the change in my life, there's much more. I'm a more active person, I'm less lazy, and I actually work at reflecting Christ in my life.
To those of you who believed I was saved all these years: I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied, I'm sorry I led you to believe I was something I'm not. I thought I was too. This has been a reminder of Jeremiah 17:9 for me. My heart fooled me into thinking something was there all these years, until God got inside of it, and spoke loud enough that I could hear Him over the lies my heart was telling me.