I care. But this truth is I don't want too...
Wow? Where to start? So many things have happened this past week. Things I never saw coming. Last Tuesday it felt like I got blind sided by a 16 wheeler when an ex unexpectedly appeared at my place of employment. Excuse me? But isn't that bit*h supposed to be in Oklahoma somewhere??? AND. Oh no. It wasn't a happy feeling. It was primal and rage like. As primitive as it could possibly get. AND. The sickest part of all I felt her presence before I even saw her. Not kidding. As crazy as I sound I felt it. I looked up and there she was.
This single soul. This one person. Who managed to destroy everything that I had been at one point in time. This person whom once swore up and down screaming that she loved me after lying about me to benefit herself and make me look like a piece o shat. She told me that she did it for us. This was the last person on earth that I ever needed to see. EVER.
The funny part? I had finally released my thoughts, objects, memories, of her. Tossed them to universe to sort out and felt at peace with everything. Then bam! There she was in right in front of me. AND. The truth was she still had power over me. Or Else I would have never felt so pissed, and violated that she was even near my personal space. Its funny how circumstance will prove things are actually more askew than you believe.
Enter Wednesday. My best friend of forever and a day decides hey its time to lie to me when I ask a simple question. Proving that my doubts in them lately had been true. And it's all just one f**ked up circle that leads back to this same ex. Then he calls me and asks for money??? Hadn't talked to me in weeks because of rediscovering old 'friends'. So yeah. Now I'm chopped meat until he needs something?? UH NO! I am NOONES BIT*H! So what do I do? I got pissed and told him to pull his head out of his a$$ long enough to catch a breath of fresh air. Via email. Because he hadn't answered my calls until it was convenient for him anyway as of late. He also hadn't answered a single email,myspace comment, yadda yadda in weeks until I typed that beauty of a one liner and sent it to him. I'll be damned if my phone did not ring off the hook. But. I didn't answer. Why should I? To listen to him scream because I struck a nerve?? Nah. Not my deal. ALso. His sudden case of HIA not my problem.
Enter Thursday. I woke up super depressed. Considering all of the current bs I've been experiencing I figured it was just that. Nah. It had nothing to do with that.
Enter Sunday. Turns out I was also 'channeling' another person I was super close too. Yeah. That one is a story that is far too long to tell. But. It boils down to the fact that she was marrying this dude who came between us and our friendship. She wanted my opinion because she wasn't sure this was the right thing for her. Well. She married him on Thursday and Congratulations to the new Happy Couple.
I would be the biggest liar on earth if I said it didn't take everything I had to say congratulations. Because. After all I am only human. AND. When they got engaged she confided to me that she wished someone would have said congratulations and respected her decision. Well. I can be that someone. That's what friends do.
And thats about it. Above all I want more than anything not to care. BUT. Sadly I do. So what can we do?
Enter lyric:
I try to make it through my life
In my way
There is you
I try to make it through these lies
That’s all I do
Just don't deny it
Just don't deny it
And deal with it
Yeah deal with it
Exit Lyric:
Song = Apocalyptica: I don't Care
So if you wonder where I've been you need look no further than my own personal hell. LOL! Seriously though. Doing the typical cheez. Working. Playing xbox and falling to pieces without my wife.
::click::
This single soul. This one person. Who managed to destroy everything that I had been at one point in time. This person whom once swore up and down screaming that she loved me after lying about me to benefit herself and make me look like a piece o shat. She told me that she did it for us. This was the last person on earth that I ever needed to see. EVER.
The funny part? I had finally released my thoughts, objects, memories, of her. Tossed them to universe to sort out and felt at peace with everything. Then bam! There she was in right in front of me. AND. The truth was she still had power over me. Or Else I would have never felt so pissed, and violated that she was even near my personal space. Its funny how circumstance will prove things are actually more askew than you believe.
Enter Wednesday. My best friend of forever and a day decides hey its time to lie to me when I ask a simple question. Proving that my doubts in them lately had been true. And it's all just one f**ked up circle that leads back to this same ex. Then he calls me and asks for money??? Hadn't talked to me in weeks because of rediscovering old 'friends'. So yeah. Now I'm chopped meat until he needs something?? UH NO! I am NOONES BIT*H! So what do I do? I got pissed and told him to pull his head out of his a$$ long enough to catch a breath of fresh air. Via email. Because he hadn't answered my calls until it was convenient for him anyway as of late. He also hadn't answered a single email,myspace comment, yadda yadda in weeks until I typed that beauty of a one liner and sent it to him. I'll be damned if my phone did not ring off the hook. But. I didn't answer. Why should I? To listen to him scream because I struck a nerve?? Nah. Not my deal. ALso. His sudden case of HIA not my problem.
Enter Thursday. I woke up super depressed. Considering all of the current bs I've been experiencing I figured it was just that. Nah. It had nothing to do with that.
Enter Sunday. Turns out I was also 'channeling' another person I was super close too. Yeah. That one is a story that is far too long to tell. But. It boils down to the fact that she was marrying this dude who came between us and our friendship. She wanted my opinion because she wasn't sure this was the right thing for her. Well. She married him on Thursday and Congratulations to the new Happy Couple.
I would be the biggest liar on earth if I said it didn't take everything I had to say congratulations. Because. After all I am only human. AND. When they got engaged she confided to me that she wished someone would have said congratulations and respected her decision. Well. I can be that someone. That's what friends do.
And thats about it. Above all I want more than anything not to care. BUT. Sadly I do. So what can we do?
Enter lyric:
I try to make it through my life
In my way
There is you
I try to make it through these lies
That’s all I do
Just don't deny it
Just don't deny it
And deal with it
Yeah deal with it
Exit Lyric:
Song = Apocalyptica: I don't Care
So if you wonder where I've been you need look no further than my own personal hell. LOL! Seriously though. Doing the typical cheez. Working. Playing xbox and falling to pieces without my wife.
::click::