Drag
Sittin' here watching the tail end of AC 360 (keep your comments to yourself; he really doesn't have much of an ass) and was suddenly overtaken by the need for a cigarette.
WTF?
I haven't had a cigarette in almost three years now. Used to get cravings for them almost constantly. I'd even dream about smoking.
But that hasn't happened in a while. Wonder why it happened now?
I miss the hand to mouth aspect of smoking. The way smoking and drinking fit together so well. The huddling together on a cold day outside the workplace.
But I miss the pleasure of nicotine hitting my brain most. A sweet rush it was, the way the drug struck when you'd first wake up in the morning. Almost like an orgasm.
I miss that high.
I do not, however, miss the stink of smoke on my clothes or in my hair (which I wasn't even aware of until I'd quit) or in my car, although every once in a while I catch a whiff of leftover smoke in my car. At least, I think it's in my car. Probably in the upholstery and in the vents.
But don't worry. I won't succumb to the desire and buy some ciggies. I'll just dream about them tonight; dream of sitting out on a balcony in Paris, a pack next to my glass of wine, and Bono sitting across from me...his wicked smile enough to make the world stop spinning for just a moment.
****
There's this website called Etsy.com where one can sell handmade stuff. I'm thinking about setting up shop over there. I make soap, lotion (or at least, I'm going to try to make lotion) and other bath stuff. I also started making scrapbooks and I'd like to sell them. Gonna get a business plan together for that and get started soon. Will post a link here so you can take a look at my stuff.
(and maybe buy some?)
Current iPod playlist:
Fairytale of New York by The Pogues
Regret by New Order
1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins
Big Time Sensuality by Bjork
Hey Ya by Outkast
Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
Crystal by New Order
Blue Dress by Depeche Mode (I ADORE this song)
Bus Stop by The Hollies
Closer by Nine Inch Nails
Downloaded some stuff from iTunes today. That shit is addicting.
(didn't work today, so I didn't get to see my dude. Won't get to see him Thursday either. Am verra, verra sad.)
My dude. Why do I keep calling him that? His name's Jason.
****
Been thinking about drinking a lot lately, too. Wonder why.
Okay, gonna admit something here. I used to have something of a drinking problem. I drank to get drunk. I drank alone and with people--but always to get trashed. I liked being drunk, I liked the person I was when drunk, and I loved the feeling of being drunk. That weightless feeling. The drifting, aimless, floating, careless feeling. The belief I could do anything and be anyone I wanted and everyone loved me that way. The ultimate buzz, the way the alcohol hit my brain and made me coast.
My God. It's a good thing I never tried heroin or meth. I'd probably be dead by now.
But yeah, been thinking about drinking lately. I miss it. I bought a bottle of wine a few weeks ago and drank it slowly. Too slowly for my taste. I wanted to drink the whole thing in one go, take it all in and lose sense of the world if only for a while. But I didn't. Drank it two glasses at a time per night until the bottle was empty.
If I lived alone, I'd have finished the bottle in one night.
And I'm not depressed right now. I swear it.
Maybe in this case it's a good thing I'm not living alone.
WTF?
I haven't had a cigarette in almost three years now. Used to get cravings for them almost constantly. I'd even dream about smoking.
But that hasn't happened in a while. Wonder why it happened now?
I miss the hand to mouth aspect of smoking. The way smoking and drinking fit together so well. The huddling together on a cold day outside the workplace.
But I miss the pleasure of nicotine hitting my brain most. A sweet rush it was, the way the drug struck when you'd first wake up in the morning. Almost like an orgasm.
I miss that high.
I do not, however, miss the stink of smoke on my clothes or in my hair (which I wasn't even aware of until I'd quit) or in my car, although every once in a while I catch a whiff of leftover smoke in my car. At least, I think it's in my car. Probably in the upholstery and in the vents.
But don't worry. I won't succumb to the desire and buy some ciggies. I'll just dream about them tonight; dream of sitting out on a balcony in Paris, a pack next to my glass of wine, and Bono sitting across from me...his wicked smile enough to make the world stop spinning for just a moment.
****
There's this website called Etsy.com where one can sell handmade stuff. I'm thinking about setting up shop over there. I make soap, lotion (or at least, I'm going to try to make lotion) and other bath stuff. I also started making scrapbooks and I'd like to sell them. Gonna get a business plan together for that and get started soon. Will post a link here so you can take a look at my stuff.
(and maybe buy some?)
Current iPod playlist:
Fairytale of New York by The Pogues
Regret by New Order
1979 by the Smashing Pumpkins
Big Time Sensuality by Bjork
Hey Ya by Outkast
Californication by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
Crystal by New Order
Blue Dress by Depeche Mode (I ADORE this song)
Bus Stop by The Hollies
Closer by Nine Inch Nails
Downloaded some stuff from iTunes today. That shit is addicting.
(didn't work today, so I didn't get to see my dude. Won't get to see him Thursday either. Am verra, verra sad.)
My dude. Why do I keep calling him that? His name's Jason.
****
Been thinking about drinking a lot lately, too. Wonder why.
Okay, gonna admit something here. I used to have something of a drinking problem. I drank to get drunk. I drank alone and with people--but always to get trashed. I liked being drunk, I liked the person I was when drunk, and I loved the feeling of being drunk. That weightless feeling. The drifting, aimless, floating, careless feeling. The belief I could do anything and be anyone I wanted and everyone loved me that way. The ultimate buzz, the way the alcohol hit my brain and made me coast.
My God. It's a good thing I never tried heroin or meth. I'd probably be dead by now.
But yeah, been thinking about drinking lately. I miss it. I bought a bottle of wine a few weeks ago and drank it slowly. Too slowly for my taste. I wanted to drink the whole thing in one go, take it all in and lose sense of the world if only for a while. But I didn't. Drank it two glasses at a time per night until the bottle was empty.
If I lived alone, I'd have finished the bottle in one night.
And I'm not depressed right now. I swear it.
Maybe in this case it's a good thing I'm not living alone.