Sam's Town
You know I hadn't thought of it before, but I think that's because the last time I listened to Sam's Town, I had not yet had a religious breakdown.
I'm not proud of the fact that I finally lost my temper with God, late one Friday night about three weeks ago, but I did. I yelled, and I screamed and I couldn't control it. It felt so unfair to me that I spent so much time of my life trying to do the right thing, and please God, and yet, everything I tried to do for myself always seemed to go wrong. Now I realize, it was good for this to happen. I spent so much time trying to hold everything in if I got upset, thinking back to Job, but it wasn't good for me, sometimes its best to just get it out. David did it all the time, so I can't imagine it's an unforgivable action, but still you're probably wondering what Sam's Town has to do with this. Two things
1) Read My Mind ~ I don' know what Brandon meant when he said "Slippin' in my faith until I fall." But I know what it means to me. I tried so hard for so long to be religiously perfect, but I just kept sinking and slipping further and further down until finally I fell and lost my temper.
2) Why Do I Keep Counting ~ For some reason, most people I talk to don't find this to be a religious song...I definitely think it is. But I'll just bold the lyrics that I feel really apply to my current feelings about God, and my place in the world.
There's a plane and I am flying
There's a mountain waiting for me
Oh these years have been so trying
I don't know if I can use them
Am I strong enough
To be the one
Will I live to have some children
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
If I only knew the answer
I wouldn't be bothering you
Father
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get dow
If I only knew the answer
And if all our days are numbered
Then why do I keep counting
My sugar sweet
Is so atainable
This behaviour so unexplainable
The days just slip and slide
Like they always did
The trouble is my head
Won't let me forget
I took one last good look around
So many unusual sounds
I gotta get my feet on the ground
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
If I only knew the answer
I wouldn't be bothering you
Father
Help me get down
I can make
Help me get down
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
If I only knew the answer
And if all our days are numbered
I wouldn't be bothering you
Would you help me get down
If I only knew the answer
If I change my way of living
And If I pave my streets with good times
Will the mountain keep on giving
And if all of our days are numbered
Then why do I keep counting
Mostly I'm just always asking God what it is i should do, and I always feel like "I don't mean to bother you, I just know that if you gave me some direction I could figure it out." And I think that's what Brandon's saying in this song. He doesn't feel the presence in his heart of a response to his pleas to God for an answer, and he keeps asking God what he's got to do to get direction. What's the perfect thing to do? What's the right thing to do? And that's how I feel sometimes. I always ask God what I have to do to find the right person, and I think God HAS answered me and I just don't like it. It's not the time, and it's time to understand that.
I'm not proud of the fact that I finally lost my temper with God, late one Friday night about three weeks ago, but I did. I yelled, and I screamed and I couldn't control it. It felt so unfair to me that I spent so much time of my life trying to do the right thing, and please God, and yet, everything I tried to do for myself always seemed to go wrong. Now I realize, it was good for this to happen. I spent so much time trying to hold everything in if I got upset, thinking back to Job, but it wasn't good for me, sometimes its best to just get it out. David did it all the time, so I can't imagine it's an unforgivable action, but still you're probably wondering what Sam's Town has to do with this. Two things
1) Read My Mind ~ I don' know what Brandon meant when he said "Slippin' in my faith until I fall." But I know what it means to me. I tried so hard for so long to be religiously perfect, but I just kept sinking and slipping further and further down until finally I fell and lost my temper.
2) Why Do I Keep Counting ~ For some reason, most people I talk to don't find this to be a religious song...I definitely think it is. But I'll just bold the lyrics that I feel really apply to my current feelings about God, and my place in the world.
There's a plane and I am flying
There's a mountain waiting for me
Oh these years have been so trying
I don't know if I can use them
Am I strong enough
To be the one
Will I live to have some children
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
If I only knew the answer
I wouldn't be bothering you
Father
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get dow
If I only knew the answer
And if all our days are numbered
Then why do I keep counting
My sugar sweet
Is so atainable
This behaviour so unexplainable
The days just slip and slide
Like they always did
The trouble is my head
Won't let me forget
I took one last good look around
So many unusual sounds
I gotta get my feet on the ground
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
If I only knew the answer
I wouldn't be bothering you
Father
Help me get down
I can make
Help me get down
Help me get down
I can make it
Help me get down
If I only knew the answer
And if all our days are numbered
I wouldn't be bothering you
Would you help me get down
If I only knew the answer
If I change my way of living
And If I pave my streets with good times
Will the mountain keep on giving
And if all of our days are numbered
Then why do I keep counting
Mostly I'm just always asking God what it is i should do, and I always feel like "I don't mean to bother you, I just know that if you gave me some direction I could figure it out." And I think that's what Brandon's saying in this song. He doesn't feel the presence in his heart of a response to his pleas to God for an answer, and he keeps asking God what he's got to do to get direction. What's the perfect thing to do? What's the right thing to do? And that's how I feel sometimes. I always ask God what I have to do to find the right person, and I think God HAS answered me and I just don't like it. It's not the time, and it's time to understand that.