(no subject)
do you know how many times i considered greeting the knife to save you? or how often i thought of choking you, strangling you, after your last sigh of relief, of sin, to save you from the next; cause it won't ever get any better than that. that one fucking moment. it slipped.
[]
i finally seem to understand the difference between body and mind, now those two are fighting each other and all i can do is lay down and pray. not to god, but to myself, to, ohforgodssakeplease, come to my senses.
i still enjoy the small things, the small talk, i'm just a little absent. i remember when i was little i used to drive myself crazy by realizing the fact that i could see. that when i opened my eyes, the whole world was there and it was gone when i closed them. seeing things and touching them, seeing depth and seeing warmth and movement. sometimes it was just too much and i almost fainted just because of the fact that i could see.
this whole life is so fucking breath taking. i should numb my mind more often and sit back and relax, enjoy. i'm too awake, too aware.
[]
i finally seem to understand the difference between body and mind, now those two are fighting each other and all i can do is lay down and pray. not to god, but to myself, to, ohforgodssakeplease, come to my senses.
i still enjoy the small things, the small talk, i'm just a little absent. i remember when i was little i used to drive myself crazy by realizing the fact that i could see. that when i opened my eyes, the whole world was there and it was gone when i closed them. seeing things and touching them, seeing depth and seeing warmth and movement. sometimes it was just too much and i almost fainted just because of the fact that i could see.
this whole life is so fucking breath taking. i should numb my mind more often and sit back and relax, enjoy. i'm too awake, too aware.