(no subject)
yes doctor it hurts. am i perfectly healthy, he asks. look at me, what do you think. what do you recommend. get me out of here. the bleeding boys in the waiting room need you more than i,
i'm sorry for the mess i've made,
surely some day you can pay me back. perhaps some day you'll pass me on the street and think of me what i think of you now. it's all such a bore. even the mice are getting on my nerves. and this heat, this bloody heat, squashing me between the walls like an orange. it's not about making sense anymore. &i doubt if it ever was,
nine days of freedom but never satisfied. poisoning myself while you do the same, until i'm not sure anymore if it has any effect on me. watching gods hands reaching out the same way you reached out to him a few nights earlier. watching him on a screen, the mania he left behind, until the watching becomes experiencing and i become what he has created. no longer trying to differ, no longer kicking. my legs turn numb,
last night the pain woke me. the physical part which is rather easy to ignore, &the mental one which is like a crying baby driving its mother insane so she comes up with ideas how to undo herself from her beloved burden. grab a pillow,
i'm sorry for the mess i've made,
surely some day you can pay me back. perhaps some day you'll pass me on the street and think of me what i think of you now. it's all such a bore. even the mice are getting on my nerves. and this heat, this bloody heat, squashing me between the walls like an orange. it's not about making sense anymore. &i doubt if it ever was,
nine days of freedom but never satisfied. poisoning myself while you do the same, until i'm not sure anymore if it has any effect on me. watching gods hands reaching out the same way you reached out to him a few nights earlier. watching him on a screen, the mania he left behind, until the watching becomes experiencing and i become what he has created. no longer trying to differ, no longer kicking. my legs turn numb,
last night the pain woke me. the physical part which is rather easy to ignore, &the mental one which is like a crying baby driving its mother insane so she comes up with ideas how to undo herself from her beloved burden. grab a pillow,