the strangeness of kind friends
I saw a lot of people I haven't seen since like grade school today. I usually hate that, but maybe because everyone was kind of toned down, it was nice. Considering people probably had max 48 hours notice and the vast majority of my dad's friends don't live in this state, we saw a good number of people and the actual hall was brimming with flowers.
The funeral itself was interesting. There was a reverend and there was a wake beforehand and the casket was open the whole time. The reverend had a well-rehearsed Christian-ness speech. Other people talked. I don't know where or how I developed my view of death and the afterlife but it's not Christian and I couldn't help but think the service itself had little to do with my father and everything to do with the people coming to terms with his death. When I think about it not being about him, it feels pretty light.
I very much value strength and coolness and I wanted to stay solid the whole time. I didn't quite manage, but I did all right. I wasn't really affected by seeing his body, though, partly because he looks so different now both post-illness and post-funeral makeup. Further, I don't think that once you die, you're somehow trapped and aware of that immobile body... I couldn't think of it as him anymore. We'll see if I change my tune come cremation time, although I'm still thinking about whether I'm going to go.
I have memories of him telling me about what to do when he dies from when I was a child, though, and I remembered hating it because I was probably not even ten and really uninterested in thinking about a parent's death. Considering how strong an impact these left, it seems like I have to be there.
The scene reminded me a bit of This Is Where I Leave You In that book, the personalities in the family that gather for the funeral are so strong, so weird, so varied. At the visitation and wake, where everyone who came was basically left to their own devices to mourn as they saw fit, it seemed like maybe that's true to life. Everyone does something completely different.
The funeral itself was interesting. There was a reverend and there was a wake beforehand and the casket was open the whole time. The reverend had a well-rehearsed Christian-ness speech. Other people talked. I don't know where or how I developed my view of death and the afterlife but it's not Christian and I couldn't help but think the service itself had little to do with my father and everything to do with the people coming to terms with his death. When I think about it not being about him, it feels pretty light.
I very much value strength and coolness and I wanted to stay solid the whole time. I didn't quite manage, but I did all right. I wasn't really affected by seeing his body, though, partly because he looks so different now both post-illness and post-funeral makeup. Further, I don't think that once you die, you're somehow trapped and aware of that immobile body... I couldn't think of it as him anymore. We'll see if I change my tune come cremation time, although I'm still thinking about whether I'm going to go.
I have memories of him telling me about what to do when he dies from when I was a child, though, and I remembered hating it because I was probably not even ten and really uninterested in thinking about a parent's death. Considering how strong an impact these left, it seems like I have to be there.
The scene reminded me a bit of This Is Where I Leave You In that book, the personalities in the family that gather for the funeral are so strong, so weird, so varied. At the visitation and wake, where everyone who came was basically left to their own devices to mourn as they saw fit, it seemed like maybe that's true to life. Everyone does something completely different.