a very rough draft of some dubious ramblings
i have been communicating as little as possible with everyone for the past month or so.
i'm better now, though. hi!
this summer i did everything i disagree with. i pushed limits and i rendered myself apathetic so that i could coast blithely through horrifying things. i allowed myself to be molded by my surroundings into someone i hate.
always on the back burner, there were the fervent protests from the steam on the stove:
you're something you're not.
you don't mean that.
why are you doing this?
that's not true.
this is against everything you stand for.
and i pushed it aside. i was miserable, but somewhere i told myself it was for a reason.
i doubted that until now.
in the long run, i think it did me good.
now i know exactly why i stand for what i stand for, and i've found new things to be passionate about, too.
i've grown as a person without permanently deadening myself to everything, as my peers are so apt to do.
instead of smiling in a detached way while i chameleon myself into my current surroundings, i am confident enough in my beliefs and in my worth to be able to develop my own ideals.
i no longer need to cling to extremism to feel like i'm doing everything that i can, and i know that there are ways to make things that seem fundamentally wrong work for me, so that i get the best of both worlds without fucking anyone over.
i feel somewhat like i've become an adult without discontinuing my subscription to childhood, which is a goal i've always had in mind.
dictated but not read.
yours very truly.
i'm better now, though. hi!
this summer i did everything i disagree with. i pushed limits and i rendered myself apathetic so that i could coast blithely through horrifying things. i allowed myself to be molded by my surroundings into someone i hate.
always on the back burner, there were the fervent protests from the steam on the stove:
you're something you're not.
you don't mean that.
why are you doing this?
that's not true.
this is against everything you stand for.
and i pushed it aside. i was miserable, but somewhere i told myself it was for a reason.
i doubted that until now.
in the long run, i think it did me good.
now i know exactly why i stand for what i stand for, and i've found new things to be passionate about, too.
i've grown as a person without permanently deadening myself to everything, as my peers are so apt to do.
instead of smiling in a detached way while i chameleon myself into my current surroundings, i am confident enough in my beliefs and in my worth to be able to develop my own ideals.
i no longer need to cling to extremism to feel like i'm doing everything that i can, and i know that there are ways to make things that seem fundamentally wrong work for me, so that i get the best of both worlds without fucking anyone over.
i feel somewhat like i've become an adult without discontinuing my subscription to childhood, which is a goal i've always had in mind.
dictated but not read.
yours very truly.