still bad... working slowly
Flattered
He’s flattered
He’s always sought out the attention of…
Those who would pay attention
lived in an avatar of himself
lived a fantasy of who he wanted to be
who he thought others wanted him to be
on the stage
so far away from me
And me
I was one of the broken few
bored with my own broken life
and all i could do was stare
he saw a fan
someone interested in his choreography
saw me as blind
far sighted
but it flattered him
and he liked that
enough to have me around
when
he could practice lines drunkenly
blind in many ways maybe
but my eyes saw him
ran past his eyes to distant shores where waters go from fake versions of blue. Like the blue you see in postcards or the water that really just reflects the changing grey clouds or the green of the pollution and seaweed.. they ran past those to the shores of distant islands with water so clear you see through it. and because you could see through it - you knew that you were seeing the color of the water itself. and the color - it's so blue - so truly blue- that you feel that you've barred witness to something profound - so pure and authentic. the real color of beauty.
i watched him
perfectly
but he never wanted me
He wanted
He needed the people who were
Like me
but he wanted my eyes to be broken
to believe the fake color of water.
he needed ones so broken
so broken that
That they lived underneath him
Praying
Wishing
For just another chance
And as much as I hated it
I felt it
Understood it
I couldn’t hide from
the palpability of the truth
blaring through his walls
I lied to myself
But I knew
How you could love someone
so much
that you would live underneath him
after he left the picture
just to be near him
love him so much that you
would
listen to him Fall in love
But i saw that fear
The fear that
being without him
Would be even emptier
Than ears filled with disappointment.
He’s flattered
He’s always sought out the attention of…
Those who would pay attention
lived in an avatar of himself
lived a fantasy of who he wanted to be
who he thought others wanted him to be
on the stage
so far away from me
And me
I was one of the broken few
bored with my own broken life
and all i could do was stare
he saw a fan
someone interested in his choreography
saw me as blind
far sighted
but it flattered him
and he liked that
enough to have me around
when
he could practice lines drunkenly
blind in many ways maybe
but my eyes saw him
ran past his eyes to distant shores where waters go from fake versions of blue. Like the blue you see in postcards or the water that really just reflects the changing grey clouds or the green of the pollution and seaweed.. they ran past those to the shores of distant islands with water so clear you see through it. and because you could see through it - you knew that you were seeing the color of the water itself. and the color - it's so blue - so truly blue- that you feel that you've barred witness to something profound - so pure and authentic. the real color of beauty.
i watched him
perfectly
but he never wanted me
He wanted
He needed the people who were
Like me
but he wanted my eyes to be broken
to believe the fake color of water.
he needed ones so broken
so broken that
That they lived underneath him
Praying
Wishing
For just another chance
And as much as I hated it
I felt it
Understood it
I couldn’t hide from
the palpability of the truth
blaring through his walls
I lied to myself
But I knew
How you could love someone
so much
that you would live underneath him
after he left the picture
just to be near him
love him so much that you
would
listen to him Fall in love
But i saw that fear
The fear that
being without him
Would be even emptier
Than ears filled with disappointment.