1st draft
dear claire: i just read this thing that you wrote and this is DEFINITELY the most pretentious piece of shit i have ever heard out of you ever- really..
update again... ok i revised this and de-dousched it... it is mostly clear of all dousche-like material
This is the first of the newer geodes. I started using a new technique with these. I have been using broken pieces of clay for the outer shell. it was supposed to look like a mozaic. I liked playing with the idea that the outer shell that formed the geode center was not coarse and random and life-like. Before this I was trying to mimic real geodes. I remember when I first came up with the geode idea people laughed and thought I was crazy. I mean really crazy. People acted like I was weird and bizarre.
I was making a project for school and I realized that what i was making actually looked like the geode idea that i had come up with months before. but when i told people asbout it they were like laughing under their breath and i ditched it/ cowardly abandoned.
so At this point everyone thought I was crazy and realizing this- i accepted it and realized it was an opportunity: I was free to make whatever I wanted and not fear other people's opinions. I had made tons of crazy shit. I made a bowl that said "do you really think you're an artist?" and "this looks like shit." I literally scribbled on a bowl every self loathing, angry thing I was thinking about myself trying to be an artist. The deep dark thoughts that haunt you. I made those things because I finally could. I knew it sounded insane. I knew that it would alienate me further. I think I secretly wanted that. I needed that in order to be truly be free as an "artist." cuz im not an artist. I say artist because its the only word I can come up with. I still don't consider myself an artist. I can't draw - everyone that looks at my sketches of my pieces that i made.. laugh.. and I only recently jumped into the art world.. pretty much accidentally.
flashback- I randomly decided to take a ceramics class again after ten years away from it. I was using it as a buffer from the grad classes I was taking that were slowly making me feel like i had brain damage. I wanted an A and I needed an A in the grad classes....so I took ceramics to ensure my ego wouldn't fall apart.
It's like I found myself again. I was awake and alive and doing something that made me feel like I was good at something. Once you go through detox a few times... and realize that you're addicted to something you are sure you need to survive.... you feel like a subhuman. life is never going to satisfy you the way that you want so you start dealing in shades of cat-shit gray... but there is not those super candy crackstyle highs of your drug of choice and you know that..permenantly... especially aa.. aa is like that alter where you go to grieve and constantly recite to yourself that it happened and its over and now youre happy...kind-of
dot... dot..dot
update again... ok i revised this and de-dousched it... it is mostly clear of all dousche-like material
This is the first of the newer geodes. I started using a new technique with these. I have been using broken pieces of clay for the outer shell. it was supposed to look like a mozaic. I liked playing with the idea that the outer shell that formed the geode center was not coarse and random and life-like. Before this I was trying to mimic real geodes. I remember when I first came up with the geode idea people laughed and thought I was crazy. I mean really crazy. People acted like I was weird and bizarre.
I was making a project for school and I realized that what i was making actually looked like the geode idea that i had come up with months before. but when i told people asbout it they were like laughing under their breath and i ditched it/ cowardly abandoned.
so At this point everyone thought I was crazy and realizing this- i accepted it and realized it was an opportunity: I was free to make whatever I wanted and not fear other people's opinions. I had made tons of crazy shit. I made a bowl that said "do you really think you're an artist?" and "this looks like shit." I literally scribbled on a bowl every self loathing, angry thing I was thinking about myself trying to be an artist. The deep dark thoughts that haunt you. I made those things because I finally could. I knew it sounded insane. I knew that it would alienate me further. I think I secretly wanted that. I needed that in order to be truly be free as an "artist." cuz im not an artist. I say artist because its the only word I can come up with. I still don't consider myself an artist. I can't draw - everyone that looks at my sketches of my pieces that i made.. laugh.. and I only recently jumped into the art world.. pretty much accidentally.
flashback- I randomly decided to take a ceramics class again after ten years away from it. I was using it as a buffer from the grad classes I was taking that were slowly making me feel like i had brain damage. I wanted an A and I needed an A in the grad classes....so I took ceramics to ensure my ego wouldn't fall apart.
It's like I found myself again. I was awake and alive and doing something that made me feel like I was good at something. Once you go through detox a few times... and realize that you're addicted to something you are sure you need to survive.... you feel like a subhuman. life is never going to satisfy you the way that you want so you start dealing in shades of cat-shit gray... but there is not those super candy crackstyle highs of your drug of choice and you know that..permenantly... especially aa.. aa is like that alter where you go to grieve and constantly recite to yourself that it happened and its over and now youre happy...kind-of
dot... dot..dot