My 30th birthday
Oh my god. 30. Tell me it's not coming already. I'm not a grownup yet! I can't be turning 30! Every time I think about it, it makes me want to cry. Mainly because I consider this the biggest birthday I've had so far, and I can't afford to do anything, let alone Brandon get me a birthday present or anything, or even go out to a nice dinner. I might have to work anyway, so this one is probably going to pass with barely a whimper. I want a huge blowout. I want the biggest birthday bash I've ever had. I want to feel like it matters that I'm turning 30 and that it's not that bad. I want to feel like *I* matter. But that's just not going to happen. I'm glad I'm on the path to doing something with my life, but 30 just seems like I should have accomplished something by now. Most of all, it sucks that I'm so far away from most of the people I love (not all, but Raven, Morgan, Sean, Jen, Carolyn, Tom, etc... will be very very missed) and I'm hoping I'll get to see my loved ones around here. I don't know when, since my schedule is going to keep getting crazier and crazier, but I won't let 30 come and go without a solid fight. I still think one of the best birthdays I ever had was my 16th, when we had the 70's disco party. That was so much fun. Aside from that, I have a hard time remembering what I did every year (and not from alcohol-related memory loss either). Anyway, sorry if this entry is a little depressing, but I wanted to vent a bit. I love you all, miss you tons, and hope everyone is doing well.