even when the world is falling on top of me, pessimism is an emotion, not a philosophy.
got caught up in a moment yesterday that won't leave my head. i was overwhelmed by such explosive emotion i could hardly keep my car in between the white lines on the pitch black pavement. i've never cried like that before, never felt such elation. the feeling was inexplicable, but i'm going to try anyway because i never want to forget it. i felt beside myself, looking over at a person bursting with life and with love, despite all of the misery and loss that has infested my soul and those around me for the past year.. actually, it was IN spite of it. i felt more alive than i ever have and what really overpowered me was the gratitude that i felt for my life.
and it makes me realize that experiencing the death of people around me, watching my brother move from psych ward to psych ward, seeing a friend in a coma hooked up to a respirator.. it all lead up to that moment. that one moment that finally permits me to say, without doubt or guilt, that i am truly grateful for everything that has been given to me. my life, my health, my family, my soulmate, my friends, and most of all, the strength that wills me to keep moving forward. because without that, all the pain and suffering wouldn't be worth it. and i never ever ever want to forget that.