I need some advice
Hi everyone! I know I don’t post very often and I am going to try and change that however I have a problem and I am not sure what to do or who to ask so I am hoping somebody will be able to give me some insight.
My best friend was dating this guy for about 3 years (she is 20 I think he is 25). Anyway they started dating while she and I were still in high school. When they started dating she became less and less available, she was always with him. Over time it just got worse. I always felt that he was too controlling, he was always calling her wanted to know what she was doing who she was with. She pushed all of her friends away. After high school it only got worse I never saw or heard from her in almost a year. Then almost 2 years ago I find out she was having a baby. Although she lived with her parents during the week she stayed at his house every weekend, he lives about 40 minutes away.
I saw her once, at her shower, before the baby was born and 2 times we had dinner after the baby was born. Our mothers are also friends, and her mom is the one who initiated the get together. Last February I find out, again in an e-mail from her mom to mine, that she got engaged. In early June she calls me and she says that they broke up. Her and her son came home. I could hear such a difference in her voice she sounded so much more free. Her ex had no contact with her or his son at all after the first week when he realized she wasn’t coming back.
Now that she was home again we started hanging out more and more. She also told me more about her relationship witch just made me hate the guy more. He has a temper and a bad one not to mention a police record one of them being when he hit his SISTER and when my friend stepped in he hit her also. I don’t know the whole story it is kind of confusing so I am just going to say he is violent.
Last week they finally went to court for the custody hearing, her ex played the I'm so sorry card & I want to be a better father. He even lied about taking a parenting class. This is the same guy who would not go across the street to get the baby milk. He doesn’t live in the best part of town and for my friend to go out at night by herself, even though the convenience store was across the street, wasn’t safe. After an hour of arguing with him because he refused to go get milk for his son, his father ended up going out for it. When she was staying with him he would not even take care of the baby when she was sick. Playing with the baby was all well and good but everything else that was her job. This is the same guy that now wants to take care of him by himself.
Anyway the judge granted him visitation, every Wed. and every other weekend. My friend found out he lied about the parenting class and said to him that she didn’t want their son to sleep over until he took the class. He agreed to that and he is being all nice now and saying how sorry he is… Last weekend she ended up staying at his house with their son. Next weekend she is going to stay their again because of his nieces birthday or something. She says that she doesn’t want to get back with him now but that he has changed and maybe down the line… personally I think he is doing all this trying to win her back and as soon as he reels her back in he will go back to his old ways.
I love my friend dearly but sometimes she can be too, I am not sure what word to use but she is very like whatever go with the flow lody da da. And I am really worried about her I can hear the change in her voice again she is letting her life revolve all around him again. I don’t know what to do. I have told her my concerns and I am trying to talk her through this but sometimes I am not sure she realizes how serious this all is. Am I being paranoid and over reacting? How do I know she is really listening and hearing what I am saying? I can only say things so many times because I don’t want to be the bad guy and have her run away from me. I let it go last time and she got really hurt I don’t want to stand by and see that happen again. I am really scared for her and I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions, comment, insights? Anything will be greatly appreciated.