(no subject)
well im finding it really hard to get on here now that the boy is here. he hasnt gotten a job yet so hes ALWAYS home and i mean yeah i make enuf money to support us but i dont want to. i mean dude smokes a pack a day, and i told him he cant do that and he was all like well how much do you smoke a day and i was like ya know what i smoke over a pack a day but im busting my ass for the money to BUY them so untill you start making money dont question me like that.
FUCKER!
i smoked that gram of crack. oh my god.it was the BEST crack ive ever had.
BUT the wierd thing is that like i started hallucinating again. why do uppesr seem to always make me do that lately i just dont fucking get it..it never used to be like that it used to just be fun now its like i do more than a line or something and i freak out..not as tho that STOPS me..haha...
what pisses me off is that the bf was all like giving me shit for wanting boy then he gave me shit about getting the crack..but the mother fucker always then ends up doing it with me. its like dont knock on me cuz i want to get fucked up and act all mighty then do it with me. fucking hypocrite.
but becides that im still really glad hes here =]
well....the kid who ive been talking to who told me one night that he was falling in love with me-we've been talking alot more and i like him too. but i mean id never do anything about it..i dont think..
i mean i just got over that whole E thing.
hes an ASSHOLE btw..like i always delete my texts(i have the iPhone so it saves sent and received like a chat) except for E's and J's(neighbor who died and i cant get over it) and anyways E was texting me one day and then the next day i re read it and i got SO pissed i fucking deleted it. at first iafter i was like omg whyd i do that thats all i had left ya know? but then i was like fuck him. basically the things he were saying to me in the last time we textedjust proved he only wanted/wants me around to fuck me. SCREW HIM. he knew how i felt and to still do that shit is fucked up.
well i HATE work still but ive had an interview for an ast. manager position at a place and then i talked to the distcrit manager so hopefully that goes well...i cant do the shit im doing now for much longer. like friday they made me work 6 to 6 and the shit i had to do...it was ridicilious..when i got home i basically just fell on my bed. my back hurt SO bad ive never felt pain that strong before and ive always had back problems and stuff cuz of my spine but god damn..i could hardly move all night and next morning...
well my weight has been good ive been not eating much at all. yesterday i think i had a cookie in the morning(purged) lunch i had powerade and dinner i had potatoes and corn(purged) then i smoked all that crack and i had a popsicle. so thats good. today i had gummy bears..BUT i weighed myself and ive hit a new low since i gained back everything..116. ONE POUND away from GW 1. stresssssssssssssfull.
then my mom bought me chocolate. its sitting in the fridge and i dont know what to do a part of me is thinking mmm. but another part of me is just so disgusted with the thought of eating.
well guess i better go..
i need some more fucking heroin.
FUCKER!
i smoked that gram of crack. oh my god.it was the BEST crack ive ever had.
BUT the wierd thing is that like i started hallucinating again. why do uppesr seem to always make me do that lately i just dont fucking get it..it never used to be like that it used to just be fun now its like i do more than a line or something and i freak out..not as tho that STOPS me..haha...
what pisses me off is that the bf was all like giving me shit for wanting boy then he gave me shit about getting the crack..but the mother fucker always then ends up doing it with me. its like dont knock on me cuz i want to get fucked up and act all mighty then do it with me. fucking hypocrite.
but becides that im still really glad hes here =]
well....the kid who ive been talking to who told me one night that he was falling in love with me-we've been talking alot more and i like him too. but i mean id never do anything about it..i dont think..
i mean i just got over that whole E thing.
hes an ASSHOLE btw..like i always delete my texts(i have the iPhone so it saves sent and received like a chat) except for E's and J's(neighbor who died and i cant get over it) and anyways E was texting me one day and then the next day i re read it and i got SO pissed i fucking deleted it. at first iafter i was like omg whyd i do that thats all i had left ya know? but then i was like fuck him. basically the things he were saying to me in the last time we textedjust proved he only wanted/wants me around to fuck me. SCREW HIM. he knew how i felt and to still do that shit is fucked up.
well i HATE work still but ive had an interview for an ast. manager position at a place and then i talked to the distcrit manager so hopefully that goes well...i cant do the shit im doing now for much longer. like friday they made me work 6 to 6 and the shit i had to do...it was ridicilious..when i got home i basically just fell on my bed. my back hurt SO bad ive never felt pain that strong before and ive always had back problems and stuff cuz of my spine but god damn..i could hardly move all night and next morning...
well my weight has been good ive been not eating much at all. yesterday i think i had a cookie in the morning(purged) lunch i had powerade and dinner i had potatoes and corn(purged) then i smoked all that crack and i had a popsicle. so thats good. today i had gummy bears..BUT i weighed myself and ive hit a new low since i gained back everything..116. ONE POUND away from GW 1. stresssssssssssssfull.
then my mom bought me chocolate. its sitting in the fridge and i dont know what to do a part of me is thinking mmm. but another part of me is just so disgusted with the thought of eating.
well guess i better go..
i need some more fucking heroin.