here, have more fic
“I think the fangirls hate me.”
Jared just stops buttering his waffles (no, that is not a metaphor for anything) and stares blankly at Jensen, who’s sitting in front of his laptop with a mournful look on his face.
“And why do you think the fangirls hate you?” Jared asks.
“Because I’m always the one with some sort of fucked-up emotional trauma,” Jensen rants, suddenly angry, “or homophobic daddy issues, or, shit, cancer, and-“
“Are you reading fanfiction?” Jared asks incredulously.
“Misha won’t stop sending it to me. He thinks it’s hilarious. Well it’s all well and good for him; the fangirls think he’s some sort of uber-flexible hippie stoner with a perfect, sexually liberating marriage-“
“But Misha is an uber-flexible hippie stoner with a perfect, sexually liberating marriage.”
Jensen shoots Jared a sour look before continuing.
“Meanwhile, you’re a twelve-year-old girl with a candy addiction in the body of a fucking tree, and oh, guess what? Apparently you’re fucking proportional. More than! AND! You’re always top! The fangirls think I’m some sort of pussy!”
“Dude. You wore eyeliner and a kilt for Ten Inch Hero.”
“But still! I can’t remember the last time I read a fic that didn’t reference/make fun of the fact that you have some sort of obsessive desire to wear only floral or pink shirts, and I’m still the one that gets fucked in the ass!”
“Maybe it’s just because I’m bigger than you.”
Jensen’s eyebrows go up and his eyes drift slowly to Jared’s crotch.
“Not that kind of bigger!” Jared says quickly, shifting so he’s standing behind the island in the middle of their kitchen.
“I mean, like, taller. It’s probably the fact that you used to be a twink,” Jared reiterates.
“So did you!” Jensen argues, starting to blush.
Jared doesn’t really know what to say to that.
“Are we seriously having an argument about why the fangirls think you’re always the bottom?” Jared asks after a minute.
Jensen just sighs and closes his laptop.
~*~
Jared has to admit, he’s curious. So, naturally, he steals Jensen’s computer one weekend when Jensen flies down to Richardson to see Mackenzie graduate.
He starts rifling through Jensen’s tabs and is surprised to see that there’s an entire folder dedicated to just shit from livejournal. He knew what the site was, but he never really looked at it. (Chad went through a phase where he thought it was hilarious to send Jared as much gay porn about Jared and Jensen as humanly possible, until one day he found a fic about Jared and himself, and then they had an unspoken agreement to never talk about it ever again).
He takes a deep breath, and clicks the first link in the folder. He can feel his eyes go wide and quietly says, “holy shit,” under his breath.
Forty-five minutes later, he’s calling Jensen. Two rings go by before Jensen picks up.
“I feel like I need to personally apologize to your ass.”
There’s a moment of silence.
“Jared, what the fuck are you talking about?” Jensen asks cautiously.
“I think you’re right. The fangirls really do hate you. I mean, it’s flattering that they think my dick is really that big, but. Your poor ass. I don’t even think half the shit I’ve done to you in some of these fics is even legal.”
“Jared, I need you to put away the computer and realize that the stuff in those fanfictions? Didn’t actually happen.”
“Dude, they know our families. Like, their names and shit. They know that you wanted to be a physical therapist. They know my dogs. They know where we grew up. The internet? It’s the place where common sense and boundaries go to die.”
“Jared, put the computer away.”
“Misha actually likes this stuff? He was a serial killer in one of these. And yeah, he’s constantly getting laid, but he’s also usually fucking insane.”
“Jared-“
“And Chris and Steve? Apparently they’re fucking, too-“
“Jared! Put. The computer. Away.”
“But-!”
“Jared.”
“Fine,” Jared pouts, closing the lid of the laptop.
“Why were you reading fanfiction?”
“Well you wouldn’t stop bitching about it, so I thought I’d see what all the fuss was about.”
“I was only bitching because Misha wouldn’t stop sending it to me.”
“Oh yeah - why was Misha sending it to you and not me?” Jared asks, jealous.
“I think he kind of thinks you already read it. Oh, and I think he also thinks you have a big gay crush on me.”
“What?”
“Dude. Remember that time you tried to kiss me when I was getting interviewed before that awards show a few years ago? And let’s not forget The Hug, and… you know what? Don’t go on youtube.”
“I’m a touchy-feely guy! It doesn’t mean I’m like, in love with you! I’m like that with everyone! Hell, I let Misha bend me over so he could sign my shirt!”
“Oh, there are a few fics about that, too. Most of the fangirls think I went into some kind of jealous rage after that con and fucked you senseless to remind you who you belong to.”
There’s a pause, and then Jared says, “Well at least you got to top that time.”
Jensen sighs, and then hangs up.
~*~
Jared’s at the computer when Jensen gets home, a bag of popcorn in his hand.
“Dude, seriously?”
“Why are you always the hooker? I mean, you’re not that much better looking than me.”
“This is unhealthy. I’m cutting you off,” Jensen says, reaching for the laptop.
“No! I need to find out if your crazy-religious, homophobic parents are able to overcome their prejudice and support our epic gay love!”
“Sick, Jared. This is sick.”
“This is completely your fault. If you hadn’t-“
“Hey! If this is anyone’s fault, it’s Misha’s!”
Jared just shrugs and goes back to reading.
Jensen shakes his head and leaves the room.
~*~
Jared reads fanfiction like it’s his job when they aren’t filming. It used to make him sick to his stomach, but now he’s just genuinely interested in it.
Jensen puts up with it, for the most part. That is, until he catches Jared doing a fist pump in front of the computer one morning and cheering.
“What? Did you find one where you’re finally the hooker?” Jensen asks, not even looking up from the newspaper he’s skimming.
“Mournthewicked posted a new fic!”
Jensen slowly looks up from the newspaper.
“Excuse me?”
“Mournthewicked! She’s like, my favorite author, and she just posted this new fic where we’re in college, and-“
“Jared. Shut the fuck up.”
“Wha-“
“No.”
Jensen stands up and very deliberately turns off the laptop. He shushes Jared’s angry protests with a look, and carries his takes the laptop away.
“But I was-“
“No.”
“But-“
“No.”
Jensen walks upstairs with the computer and doesn’t come back downstairs for the rest of the day.
--
thanks for reading! Btw, yes, I shameless pimped the fact that _mournthewicked is awesome. If you don't know who she is, or you've never read her stuff, I would highly recommend checking her out. :)
comments are loved!
Jared just stops buttering his waffles (no, that is not a metaphor for anything) and stares blankly at Jensen, who’s sitting in front of his laptop with a mournful look on his face.
“And why do you think the fangirls hate you?” Jared asks.
“Because I’m always the one with some sort of fucked-up emotional trauma,” Jensen rants, suddenly angry, “or homophobic daddy issues, or, shit, cancer, and-“
“Are you reading fanfiction?” Jared asks incredulously.
“Misha won’t stop sending it to me. He thinks it’s hilarious. Well it’s all well and good for him; the fangirls think he’s some sort of uber-flexible hippie stoner with a perfect, sexually liberating marriage-“
“But Misha is an uber-flexible hippie stoner with a perfect, sexually liberating marriage.”
Jensen shoots Jared a sour look before continuing.
“Meanwhile, you’re a twelve-year-old girl with a candy addiction in the body of a fucking tree, and oh, guess what? Apparently you’re fucking proportional. More than! AND! You’re always top! The fangirls think I’m some sort of pussy!”
“Dude. You wore eyeliner and a kilt for Ten Inch Hero.”
“But still! I can’t remember the last time I read a fic that didn’t reference/make fun of the fact that you have some sort of obsessive desire to wear only floral or pink shirts, and I’m still the one that gets fucked in the ass!”
“Maybe it’s just because I’m bigger than you.”
Jensen’s eyebrows go up and his eyes drift slowly to Jared’s crotch.
“Not that kind of bigger!” Jared says quickly, shifting so he’s standing behind the island in the middle of their kitchen.
“I mean, like, taller. It’s probably the fact that you used to be a twink,” Jared reiterates.
“So did you!” Jensen argues, starting to blush.
Jared doesn’t really know what to say to that.
“Are we seriously having an argument about why the fangirls think you’re always the bottom?” Jared asks after a minute.
Jensen just sighs and closes his laptop.
~*~
Jared has to admit, he’s curious. So, naturally, he steals Jensen’s computer one weekend when Jensen flies down to Richardson to see Mackenzie graduate.
He starts rifling through Jensen’s tabs and is surprised to see that there’s an entire folder dedicated to just shit from livejournal. He knew what the site was, but he never really looked at it. (Chad went through a phase where he thought it was hilarious to send Jared as much gay porn about Jared and Jensen as humanly possible, until one day he found a fic about Jared and himself, and then they had an unspoken agreement to never talk about it ever again).
He takes a deep breath, and clicks the first link in the folder. He can feel his eyes go wide and quietly says, “holy shit,” under his breath.
Forty-five minutes later, he’s calling Jensen. Two rings go by before Jensen picks up.
“I feel like I need to personally apologize to your ass.”
There’s a moment of silence.
“Jared, what the fuck are you talking about?” Jensen asks cautiously.
“I think you’re right. The fangirls really do hate you. I mean, it’s flattering that they think my dick is really that big, but. Your poor ass. I don’t even think half the shit I’ve done to you in some of these fics is even legal.”
“Jared, I need you to put away the computer and realize that the stuff in those fanfictions? Didn’t actually happen.”
“Dude, they know our families. Like, their names and shit. They know that you wanted to be a physical therapist. They know my dogs. They know where we grew up. The internet? It’s the place where common sense and boundaries go to die.”
“Jared, put the computer away.”
“Misha actually likes this stuff? He was a serial killer in one of these. And yeah, he’s constantly getting laid, but he’s also usually fucking insane.”
“Jared-“
“And Chris and Steve? Apparently they’re fucking, too-“
“Jared! Put. The computer. Away.”
“But-!”
“Jared.”
“Fine,” Jared pouts, closing the lid of the laptop.
“Why were you reading fanfiction?”
“Well you wouldn’t stop bitching about it, so I thought I’d see what all the fuss was about.”
“I was only bitching because Misha wouldn’t stop sending it to me.”
“Oh yeah - why was Misha sending it to you and not me?” Jared asks, jealous.
“I think he kind of thinks you already read it. Oh, and I think he also thinks you have a big gay crush on me.”
“What?”
“Dude. Remember that time you tried to kiss me when I was getting interviewed before that awards show a few years ago? And let’s not forget The Hug, and… you know what? Don’t go on youtube.”
“I’m a touchy-feely guy! It doesn’t mean I’m like, in love with you! I’m like that with everyone! Hell, I let Misha bend me over so he could sign my shirt!”
“Oh, there are a few fics about that, too. Most of the fangirls think I went into some kind of jealous rage after that con and fucked you senseless to remind you who you belong to.”
There’s a pause, and then Jared says, “Well at least you got to top that time.”
Jensen sighs, and then hangs up.
~*~
Jared’s at the computer when Jensen gets home, a bag of popcorn in his hand.
“Dude, seriously?”
“Why are you always the hooker? I mean, you’re not that much better looking than me.”
“This is unhealthy. I’m cutting you off,” Jensen says, reaching for the laptop.
“No! I need to find out if your crazy-religious, homophobic parents are able to overcome their prejudice and support our epic gay love!”
“Sick, Jared. This is sick.”
“This is completely your fault. If you hadn’t-“
“Hey! If this is anyone’s fault, it’s Misha’s!”
Jared just shrugs and goes back to reading.
Jensen shakes his head and leaves the room.
~*~
Jared reads fanfiction like it’s his job when they aren’t filming. It used to make him sick to his stomach, but now he’s just genuinely interested in it.
Jensen puts up with it, for the most part. That is, until he catches Jared doing a fist pump in front of the computer one morning and cheering.
“What? Did you find one where you’re finally the hooker?” Jensen asks, not even looking up from the newspaper he’s skimming.
“Mournthewicked posted a new fic!”
Jensen slowly looks up from the newspaper.
“Excuse me?”
“Mournthewicked! She’s like, my favorite author, and she just posted this new fic where we’re in college, and-“
“Jared. Shut the fuck up.”
“Wha-“
“No.”
Jensen stands up and very deliberately turns off the laptop. He shushes Jared’s angry protests with a look, and carries his takes the laptop away.
“But I was-“
“No.”
“But-“
“No.”
Jensen walks upstairs with the computer and doesn’t come back downstairs for the rest of the day.
--
thanks for reading! Btw, yes, I shameless pimped the fact that _mournthewicked is awesome. If you don't know who she is, or you've never read her stuff, I would highly recommend checking her out. :)
comments are loved!