(no subject)
i dont use this much anymore, except to post some writing when im working on it both at school and home, but i had a moment that i had to express, you know.
last night was incredible. only three of my friends showed up to my house. despite that i knew they all had weekends previously planned or just dont like shows, it just hammered in what ive been feeling lately but havent been able to pinpoint. i dont feel like i belong with my friends at hb alot of the time... there are moments when ill catch myself doing something that i would never do, like singing alot to avril's whiney new song or gossiping. but i dont want to be lonely, and its a great skill, learning how to befriend people no matter what. as long as there soul is in the right place, its not about what they listen to, or what they like to do on the weekends. it sounds corny but when i think about it, i cant express it any other way. thats the reason why i have different groups of friends. to cater to the different aspects of my personality. and last night i got to see ficken and marisa again, two people ive missed like hell, specifically ficken. i lost a good best friend in him recently, just because we live fucking 45 minutes away from each other and are both too whacked out most of the time to pick up a phone.
what im trying to say is music is my thing - i love it. i will always trade in a show weekend for a party, for prom, for anything. but hb is my love, and im becoming a better person because of it. ive changed so much in the past couple of weeks, and im really fucking liking wherever it is im going. all i hope is that california will be as an amazing experience as living in arlington is, right now.
last night was incredible. only three of my friends showed up to my house. despite that i knew they all had weekends previously planned or just dont like shows, it just hammered in what ive been feeling lately but havent been able to pinpoint. i dont feel like i belong with my friends at hb alot of the time... there are moments when ill catch myself doing something that i would never do, like singing alot to avril's whiney new song or gossiping. but i dont want to be lonely, and its a great skill, learning how to befriend people no matter what. as long as there soul is in the right place, its not about what they listen to, or what they like to do on the weekends. it sounds corny but when i think about it, i cant express it any other way. thats the reason why i have different groups of friends. to cater to the different aspects of my personality. and last night i got to see ficken and marisa again, two people ive missed like hell, specifically ficken. i lost a good best friend in him recently, just because we live fucking 45 minutes away from each other and are both too whacked out most of the time to pick up a phone.
what im trying to say is music is my thing - i love it. i will always trade in a show weekend for a party, for prom, for anything. but hb is my love, and im becoming a better person because of it. ive changed so much in the past couple of weeks, and im really fucking liking wherever it is im going. all i hope is that california will be as an amazing experience as living in arlington is, right now.