(no subject)
I have such a hard time getting around the idea of suicide. It's not like C was such a good friend of mine...it was more the thought that he was somehow so miserable, even for the 5 minutes it took him to load the gun, that he just couldn't deal with life anymore. It's a terrible thought...that life could be so bad. And it saddens me beyond belief to know that he is one of TWO people that have done this to themselves in a two week period. It's makes me worry for the world...
I did, however, watch a strange shift online yesterday. The viral nature of catastrophe's fascinates me more and more as we get deeper into the world of computer-land. I watched a group of individuals, who as of late have been using the list to complain and point fingers at eachother, post email upon email about their feelings and concerns regarding the death. This rough and tumble group of misfits showed more emotion yesterday than I have ever seen. And I read it through their email...every single one as it dripped into my inbox throughout the day. It was amazing...and, now, of course, I am already questioning my decision not to attend BM this year. If there was any hook to me going, this was it. And as F stated in her previous post, I miss my home...the one in SF and the one on the playa.
I still believe in this community, despite it sometimes feeling a bit like a sinking ship. I think the world is super fucked up right now and people are struggling beyond what they can often handle. But I have hope...and lately it seems to show up in little pink envelopes with $2 coming to me to support a rabbit foot project. Or my friends coming to Portland and dressing me up as a doll and taking me out for amazing dinners. Or small delicate paintings that make no sense but seem to tell me so much. Or old cruiser bikes fixed up for me and left as a gift. Or just even a phone call to check in and see how things are going.
This is an extra special time right now, where we need to be extra delicate and caring to one another. We are still free-falling...haven't even hit the bottom yet with our economy or the state of the union. So let's stick together...and for God's sake, talk to one another and make sure everything is okay. I don't want this happening anymore.
I did, however, watch a strange shift online yesterday. The viral nature of catastrophe's fascinates me more and more as we get deeper into the world of computer-land. I watched a group of individuals, who as of late have been using the list to complain and point fingers at eachother, post email upon email about their feelings and concerns regarding the death. This rough and tumble group of misfits showed more emotion yesterday than I have ever seen. And I read it through their email...every single one as it dripped into my inbox throughout the day. It was amazing...and, now, of course, I am already questioning my decision not to attend BM this year. If there was any hook to me going, this was it. And as F stated in her previous post, I miss my home...the one in SF and the one on the playa.
I still believe in this community, despite it sometimes feeling a bit like a sinking ship. I think the world is super fucked up right now and people are struggling beyond what they can often handle. But I have hope...and lately it seems to show up in little pink envelopes with $2 coming to me to support a rabbit foot project. Or my friends coming to Portland and dressing me up as a doll and taking me out for amazing dinners. Or small delicate paintings that make no sense but seem to tell me so much. Or old cruiser bikes fixed up for me and left as a gift. Or just even a phone call to check in and see how things are going.
This is an extra special time right now, where we need to be extra delicate and caring to one another. We are still free-falling...haven't even hit the bottom yet with our economy or the state of the union. So let's stick together...and for God's sake, talk to one another and make sure everything is okay. I don't want this happening anymore.