Y Si Fuera Ella
Title: Y Si Fuera Ella
Author: bonamanamina
Genre: Romance, Angst
Pairings: OnKey
Rating: PG
Summary: They met, get to know each other, fall in love and part after...
A/N: I just now remeber...the italic sentence in every start of the chapters (which is also the summary)...is the promt(?) (i think that's what u call that) i got it from the japanese yaoi movie Boys Love it's in the start of the movie..^^v and yeah, this chapter i suggest you to listen to Wasurenaide of DBSK and Forgotten Season by Jaejoong...the lyrics of this two songs fits the story...when I was writing this chapter i was listening to both songs then sudenly got curious of the translation of the lyrics so i searched for it...it really matched the lyrics to the chapter (almost XD)... The Italics is indacating what happened the previous months before Onew found out that Key is sick..^^v
Fine, i'll stop babling and enjoy your reading!^^v
Listen to Wasurenaide
Y Si Fuella Ella
“We meet, come to know eachother, fall in love and part right after.”
Falling In Love and Falling Apart
Part 1
Onew P.O.V
“Onew,”
I heard Key call my name. We’re at the
coffee shop we often go and meet. It’s been two months since we start to go
out. Nope, we’re not lovers…yet. We’re just going out because we’re bored or if
we have too much free time.
“Yeah?”
I replied and looked at him. He’s really beautiful. Though,
he's a little bit pale. I noticed these days that he’s becoming skinnier and
paler. Like, he’s sick or something. I asked him before if he’s sick, he said
that he’s not. He’s always saying that he's just stressed or lack of sleep.
“I want to go to the beach.”
He said looking straight to my eyes with a pout, definitely
trying to be cute. Oh, why is he doing this? He’s just tempting me to kiss him.
I pinched his cheeks and said,
“Okay, let’s finish our coffees then we can go.”
I replied and smiled at him. He returned my smile and
that’s all I need to be happy.
~*^*~
I’m here at the hospital where my
parents are working. My mom told me to bring her patient’s file folder she
forgot at home. On my way to my mom’s department, I saw Key going out of some
department with my uncle Jungsoo, also a doctor, an oncologist. I want to run after Key to embrace him and
tell him that I missed him too much, but I remembered my promise. So, I just
turned around and continued walking to my mom's department. When I turned
around, my uncle saw me and called me.
“What brought you here?” he asked while running to me.
“Mom, forgot these.” I said and lift the file folder
for him to see.
“Ahh, it’s been a long time since we bond together,
and I miss my favorite nephew. Do you mind to have a little chit chat with your
favorite uncle?” he said putting his right arm around my shoulder and his left
hand taking the file folder from my grip and handed it to one of the nurses.
“Bring this to Mrs. Lee Yoonhee of Psychiatry
department. ASAP.” He said coolly and winked at the nurse which blushed madly. My
uncle is not that old. He’s the youngest brother of my father. He’s only 27
years old and still single that’s why he’s a bit flirty.
“You’re mom didn’t told you to sit with her right?” he
asked.
“Yeah, but I’ll be doomed if that file folder didn’t
reach her.” I replied, we both laugh and when we both relaxed, I asked him the
question I want to be answered when I saw Key here.
“Uncle, I’ll ask something, is it okay?”
“Sure!” he replied and we both sat down waiting for
some waiter or waitress to come near us to take our order.
“The boy you’re with awhile ago, his name is Kim Kibum
right?” his face changed from happy to shocked face.
“You know him? Is he your friend?”
“Yeah, he's...he's my friend. I want to know...why he’s
here?” then by the time I admit that Key’s my friend, his face change again in
to a sad face.
~*^*~
“Let’s go to the karaoke!”
Key said cheerfully. Today is the third month that we
knew each other. He said we should celebrate it.
“Okay! Now, I can sing a song for you and you can
dance for me.”
I replied, he nodded and pulled me. After walking like
kilometers, we reached the karaoke bar. He’s still cheerful as usual but he’s
getting weaker. He’s easily getting tired. He’s easily panting even we just
walk slowly.
“Are you okay? I asked when he’s panting too hard.
“Yes, I am okay. Let’s go in!” he said and pulled me
again.
I sang my heart out and he danced his heart out. We
both enjoyed the night but something unexpected happened. In the end of our
party, he suddenly went out of the karaoke room and run to men’s room. I
followed him there and he starts to vomit.
“Key! My God, are you okay?” I asked as I rub his
back.
“I-I’m fine. Maybe I just ate something bad.” He
replied when he recovered.
“Are you sure? You look pale and…oh my God! Your nose
is bleeding!” I said panicking. He immediately grabbed a tissue and starts to
wipe his nose.
“No! I-I am fine. I accidentally hit my nose on the
toilet door. My nose is kind of sensitive. It bleeds easily. And I’m pale because
I feel sick. That’s all. Don’t worry about me and don’t take me to the hospital
please? I am definitely fine.” He said. I actually don’t want to believe him. I
just wanted to carry him and run to the nearest hospital but then he keep insisting
he’s fine and that he just need some rest. I let him go this time. But he’ll
never run away from me next time.
~*^*~
“Then, don’t you know that’s he’s been visiting the
hospital?” my uncle asked me while lifting his cup of coffee and sip from it.
“No, I don’t know…Is he sick? Is he alright?” I asked
nervously. My uncle just looked at me sadly. I don’t like these kinds of looks,
the one that doctors in the dramas giving when the love of their lives dies.
“I don’t know if I’m in the position to tell this. I
guess we should walk outside for some fresh air.”
“Just tell me, uncle. I’m being so worried sick about
him these past months. Every time I’m asking him if he’s sick or something, he’s
always saying he’s fine and he’s not sick. I know he’s hiding something from me
and I’m dying to know it. I’m getting crazy worrying about him. I, I… I just
want to know, if he’s alright.” I said the last sentence in a whisper. He didn’t
say anything but pulled me out of the hospital.
We’re now walking at the hospital’s garden. He turns
around and said,
“Jinki…” my uncle holds my hand and shuffle my hair
like how he used to do when I was small to relax me. And as usual, it’s
working. “I want you to calm down.” He said and tightened his hold on my fist.
“He, he came to have checkups, that's it." He
replied not looking to my eyes.
"Then why is he with yo-... don't tell me he have
cancer." I said looking at him. He then gave me a weak nod. I gasped my
mouth agape. My breath hitched, my knees weaken, my eyes stings, tears wanted
to fall. Then realization hits me, my heart breaks.
~*^*~
“Why don’t you just tell me where you live, so that I’ll
just visit you?” I asked over the phone. He called me today an hour before our
meeting to tell me that he can't make it because he have to do something. These
past few days, he’s always saying that he have some important errands to do
that’s why he can't come to meet me. But I don’t think so, by the way he
speaks, I can guess that he’s sick.
“No! You can't! I mean, you can but not today. Don’t
worry, I’ll bring you here one day. For now, I have to go. Bye bye!” He said
and closed the phone. I know he’s hiding from me something. I just have to find
out what it is.
The fourth month came, and as he promised, he brought me to his home. But not the home I am expecting. This is just one of their vacation houses, and what I am expecting is the house where he is currently living. It’s still near Seoul, but still, what I want to visit is the home he stays. But once I went in, I forgot about his real house and just
amazed by this house. This is so nice and cozy.
“This is my favorite house. I like to stay here. Every
school vacation or weekends, I am staying here to relax.” He said and pulled me
to the glass wall. I observed the view in front of me and this is just amazing.
I can truly understand why he’s comfortable here. The fresh air, clear sky, and
the bright sun, this is really the best place to relax.
“I’m always playing here and running from there to
there!” he said and pointing from his left to right. “And over there, I and
Jonghyun hyung always playing hide and seek.” I am looking at him the whole
time and I still notice the paleness in his face even though he’s using make-up,
blusher and lipstick to hide them. Really, something is definitely wrong with
him. But why doesn’t he just tell me?
“Jinki!” I guess I lost at my thoughts for a long
time, because I didn’t hear him calling me.
“What is it again?”
“I said, let’s go shopping today. And my brother is coming
tonight with your brother and your bestfriend. So, we have to shop and prepare
dinner for them.”
“Really? Taemin’s coming with Minho, and Jonghyun?”
“Yup! That’s why we should go now, shall we?”
“Sure!”
~*^*~
“What kind of cancer?" I asked after I pulled myself
together.
"Leukemia." Now, I'm more afraid. There's
not much patients survived from leukemia.
"Since when?" I asked weakly.
“He’s diagnosed with leukemia 3 years ago."
"Is he fine? Is he going to be fine?" ‘Please,
God, let him tell me he's fine.'
"We performed a bone marrow transplant for him 3
years ago. But 2 years ago, he’s leukemia started again. We are just giving
medication for him, and chemotherapy which temporarily cured him. 6 months ago,
his sickness got worst, and this time, we can't cure him. We can't help him
again. I told them that maybe another operation will help him, but it can only
remove the old cancer cells and stop the growth of the cancer for a while. So, he
gave up. He said, he’ll never heal from this sickness.”
“How much? How many?” I asked. I’m still looking at
him, my sight blurs because of tears. My tears are falling down one by one. I suddenly
feel weak, my knees suddenly feels weak. They are shaking. Like my heart,
shaking, breaking and scattering into pieces.
“Based on his condition now, he still has 7 months or
less.”
I turned
around. 7 months…or less. This is crazy. My uncle is kidding me right? I turned
again to face my uncle, asked him with my shaky voice.
“You’re kidding me right uncle? He’s not dying. Key’s
not dying. He’ll never leave me.” I fall down on my knees, finally giving up. My
uncle tried to pick me up, to let me stand up. But I think all of my energy was
drained. I just ended looking at the ground as if the answers or solutions are
on it. I cried silently while convincing myself that this is just a dream.
“I…wished that too. Kibum, he’s a nice kid. Let’s just
pray for miracle.”
~*^*~
“Happy Birthday Key! I said and hand him a small box.”
“Thank you Onew!” he said and took the box from me. He
opened it excitedly with a lovely smile on his face. His eyes glistened when he
saw my gift. He lifted it and the moon shone on it making it shinning and more
beautiful.
“Wow! This is so beautiful! It’s simple but beautiful.”
He said with a happy smile on his face. I suddenly felt relieved and proud of
myself. His next move sent me to heaven, he suddenly hugged me tight. I hugged
him too in return. I’m in my total bliss until I heard him crying. I pushed him
away a little to see that he’s really crying.
“What’s wrong?” I asked and wiped the tears on his pale
cheeks.
“Nothing…I’m just happy.” He said and still smiled
even though his tears didn’t stop him from crying.
“Aw, come on! It’s not that I’m the only person that
giving you gifts.” I said and continued on wiping his cheeks.
“Yours is special.”
“Anyway…” I said and took the necklace from his hand. I
turned him to face me so that I can wear him his necklace. “Do you know why I
bought you a key necklace?”
“Come to think of it…because it’s the nickname you
give me?” I return to my old position and I hold both his cheeks and said,
“Because, this” I pointed at the pendant, “is the key
to my heart. I locked it and now I am giving you the key. You are the only
person who can open it. Actually, you’re the one who opened it before. I just
returned the key back to you. It’s yours to keep.”
“B-but… what do you mean?”
“The very first time I met you,” I looked at his pale
hands and take them to my hold, my thumbs automatically playing at the back of
his hands and looked back at his eyes. “I knew that I want to be with you, to
know you and I want to make you mine. I fell in love with you the very first
time I see you.”
“J-Jinki…” he looked at me, tears flowing again
uncontrollable.
“I love you Kim Kibum. Can you be mine?”
“I-I…I…don’t know…” oh my god! Is it a wrong move? Didn’t
he like me? Or is he straight?
“What do you mean I don’t know?” I asked softly, and trying
to calm him down.
“I-I love you too. I’m so happy to know that this isn’t
just a one sided love. But I don’t think what we wanted will work out. We will
just be hurt at the end.” What does he mean by that? Why?
“Why? Why did you say so? Is it because we’re both
guys?”
“No! No! It’s not what you think. It’s just, it will
not work out. Believe me.”
-+-
After calming down, I decided to leave
the hospital. My uncle didn't want to let me go at first, but then he let me go
when I assured him that I'm fine. I walk to the parking lot to ride my car and
there sat for a while. I'm thinking about everything that happens from the last
months. My tears are flowing again endlessly when I understand everything. I
rest my head on the steering wheel and cried again for the second time. The
thoughts of Key leaving me forever, where the chance of meeting each other
again is impossible is keep on repeating in my mind. I'm so scared. I don't
want to lose him that way. What should I do? I start my car and left the
hospital. I decided to go to his house. I smiled bitterly and cursed myself. I
forgot that I don't have his address here in Seoul. So I decided to just go in
their rest house, wishing to find him there. I want to see him. I want to
embrace him and never let go of him again. I want to hold him and keep him near
me forever. I want him, I love him, and I don't think I still can live without
him. 'Key, wait for me, and don't leave me.'
+-+
"What did you say?" Did I hear it right?
He's telling me to stop meeting him? But why?
"You heard me right, let's stop meeting each
other. This will be the last time we will see each other." I looked at
him, searching for evidence that he's just joking, that he's just pulling a
prank, but I saw in his eyes that he's serious.
"You’re joking right?" I said and hoping
that he'll say yes, but he looked at me with his sad eyes and say that he's not
joking.
"Why? Why the all of the sudden Key? Did I do
something wrong?"
"No! No, you didn't do something wrong. You know
that I love you right? I really love you that's why I'm doing this. I don't
want to hurt you, please trust me." I get down of the car and slammed the
door. After I go down, I heard the other door open which means Key go out of
the car too.
"Onew, don't make this difficult for the both of
us." Key said behind me. I turn around I feel anger getting over my
sadness. Not long after I started shouting at him.
"You're the one making it difficult for the both
of us!"
"Onew-" I saw his precious tears starting
fall on his pale cheeks. Another knife stabs my heart. I went near him and
wiped the tears on his cheeks and I softly said,
"If you really love me, why did you reject me? If
you really love me, why are you leaving me?"
"I told you, I don't want to hurt you."
"But you are hurting me now."
"I don't want to hurt you more."
"You’re not making any sense. I can't understand
anything." He took me in his arms and said,
"Let's just make the remaining minutes that we're
together special. I want to have a good memory of you before we part."
"Who said I'll let you go?" I replied tightening
my embrace to him afraid that he'll vanish by the time I'll let him go.
"Onew, please I'm begging you let me go and go on
with your life."
"No!"
"I'm sorry, but please..."
"No!"
"Onew-"
"Give me a good reason." I don't know why I
said that. I heard him sighed, burying his face to my chest.
"I- I"
"At least, give me a good reason to let you
go." I'm insane! Saying this to him, I'm stupid aren't I? But seeing those
hurtful and pleading eyes, my heart says otherwise. I think...I just love him.
"I...I'm leaving, and I'll never be coming
back."
+-+
It's already
dark when I reached Key's rest house. I go down of the car and run my way to
the house. My tears are still rolling down my cheeks unable to stop falling. I smiled
and sighed in relief when I saw the light of the house open. I immediately run
and knock the door.
One
Two
Three knocks
Still nobody opened the door.
I looked at the windows searching for someone inside but I found nobody. I
tried again my luck and knocked the door louder.
"Key! Are you there?
Please open the door!" I shouted repeatedly wishing for Key to go down and
open the door for me.
Why is he not answering? Is he
here and he's avoiding me, or he really isn't here? I sat down on the floor of
the doorway leaning my back on the door. I looked at the stars remembering the
happy memories we made here; memories that I will never forget even if I
die.
+_+
"Where are you going?
Maybe I can visit you." I asked pushing him a little so that I can cup his
pale but beautiful face with my hands. He looked at me in the eyes and said,
"You can't visit me in
the place I am going to, unless it's the proper time...maybe?" A tear
escaped from his eyes, which followed by more tears. I wiped them off and
kissed his lips. He was shocked at first, not replying to my kiss. But later on,
he wrapped his arms around my neck to deepen the kiss.
"I love you Onew..."
"I love you
too...Key."
+_+
How many hours
am I sitting here? Is he gone? Is he away? I shake my head to get rid of the
negative thoughts in my head and pulled my knees to my chest and buried them
there. I will wait here for him. I will wait for him. I know, I just know that
he's here. My heart tells me that he's here.
After some
moments, when my eyes gave up, wanting to close to drift me to sleep, I heard
the voice of my love, my life, calling my name. I immediately look up, I am not
dreaming right? I'm not hallucinating right? He's here in front of me. I stood
up, walk closer and touched his still pale cheeks.
"Key..."
~*^*~
Forgotten Season
I still remember the last night of October,
We separated after leaving indefinable words,
Was your gloomy face, the truth?
Will I have to forget you without even trying to
explain?
The returning seasons give me dreams,
Yet, impossible dreams are sad; they make me cry
-Forgotten Season (Ihyojingyejol)
Hero Jaejoong
~to be continued~
Author: bonamanamina
Genre: Romance, Angst
Pairings: OnKey
Rating: PG
Summary: They met, get to know each other, fall in love and part after...
A/N: I just now remeber...the italic sentence in every start of the chapters (which is also the summary)...is the promt(?) (i think that's what u call that) i got it from the japanese yaoi movie Boys Love it's in the start of the movie..^^v and yeah, this chapter i suggest you to listen to Wasurenaide of DBSK and Forgotten Season by Jaejoong...the lyrics of this two songs fits the story...when I was writing this chapter i was listening to both songs then sudenly got curious of the translation of the lyrics so i searched for it...it really matched the lyrics to the chapter (almost XD)... The Italics is indacating what happened the previous months before Onew found out that Key is sick..^^v
Fine, i'll stop babling and enjoy your reading!^^v
Listen to Wasurenaide
Y Si Fuella Ella
“We meet, come to know eachother, fall in love and part right after.”
Falling In Love and Falling Apart
Part 1
Onew P.O.V
“Onew,”
I heard Key call my name. We’re at the
coffee shop we often go and meet. It’s been two months since we start to go
out. Nope, we’re not lovers…yet. We’re just going out because we’re bored or if
we have too much free time.
“Yeah?”
I replied and looked at him. He’s really beautiful. Though,
he's a little bit pale. I noticed these days that he’s becoming skinnier and
paler. Like, he’s sick or something. I asked him before if he’s sick, he said
that he’s not. He’s always saying that he's just stressed or lack of sleep.
“I want to go to the beach.”
He said looking straight to my eyes with a pout, definitely
trying to be cute. Oh, why is he doing this? He’s just tempting me to kiss him.
I pinched his cheeks and said,
“Okay, let’s finish our coffees then we can go.”
I replied and smiled at him. He returned my smile and
that’s all I need to be happy.
~*^*~
I’m here at the hospital where my
parents are working. My mom told me to bring her patient’s file folder she
forgot at home. On my way to my mom’s department, I saw Key going out of some
department with my uncle Jungsoo, also a doctor, an oncologist. I want to run after Key to embrace him and
tell him that I missed him too much, but I remembered my promise. So, I just
turned around and continued walking to my mom's department. When I turned
around, my uncle saw me and called me.
“What brought you here?” he asked while running to me.
“Mom, forgot these.” I said and lift the file folder
for him to see.
“Ahh, it’s been a long time since we bond together,
and I miss my favorite nephew. Do you mind to have a little chit chat with your
favorite uncle?” he said putting his right arm around my shoulder and his left
hand taking the file folder from my grip and handed it to one of the nurses.
“Bring this to Mrs. Lee Yoonhee of Psychiatry
department. ASAP.” He said coolly and winked at the nurse which blushed madly. My
uncle is not that old. He’s the youngest brother of my father. He’s only 27
years old and still single that’s why he’s a bit flirty.
“You’re mom didn’t told you to sit with her right?” he
asked.
“Yeah, but I’ll be doomed if that file folder didn’t
reach her.” I replied, we both laugh and when we both relaxed, I asked him the
question I want to be answered when I saw Key here.
“Uncle, I’ll ask something, is it okay?”
“Sure!” he replied and we both sat down waiting for
some waiter or waitress to come near us to take our order.
“The boy you’re with awhile ago, his name is Kim Kibum
right?” his face changed from happy to shocked face.
“You know him? Is he your friend?”
“Yeah, he's...he's my friend. I want to know...why he’s
here?” then by the time I admit that Key’s my friend, his face change again in
to a sad face.
~*^*~
“Let’s go to the karaoke!”
Key said cheerfully. Today is the third month that we
knew each other. He said we should celebrate it.
“Okay! Now, I can sing a song for you and you can
dance for me.”
I replied, he nodded and pulled me. After walking like
kilometers, we reached the karaoke bar. He’s still cheerful as usual but he’s
getting weaker. He’s easily getting tired. He’s easily panting even we just
walk slowly.
“Are you okay? I asked when he’s panting too hard.
“Yes, I am okay. Let’s go in!” he said and pulled me
again.
I sang my heart out and he danced his heart out. We
both enjoyed the night but something unexpected happened. In the end of our
party, he suddenly went out of the karaoke room and run to men’s room. I
followed him there and he starts to vomit.
“Key! My God, are you okay?” I asked as I rub his
back.
“I-I’m fine. Maybe I just ate something bad.” He
replied when he recovered.
“Are you sure? You look pale and…oh my God! Your nose
is bleeding!” I said panicking. He immediately grabbed a tissue and starts to
wipe his nose.
“No! I-I am fine. I accidentally hit my nose on the
toilet door. My nose is kind of sensitive. It bleeds easily. And I’m pale because
I feel sick. That’s all. Don’t worry about me and don’t take me to the hospital
please? I am definitely fine.” He said. I actually don’t want to believe him. I
just wanted to carry him and run to the nearest hospital but then he keep insisting
he’s fine and that he just need some rest. I let him go this time. But he’ll
never run away from me next time.
~*^*~
“Then, don’t you know that’s he’s been visiting the
hospital?” my uncle asked me while lifting his cup of coffee and sip from it.
“No, I don’t know…Is he sick? Is he alright?” I asked
nervously. My uncle just looked at me sadly. I don’t like these kinds of looks,
the one that doctors in the dramas giving when the love of their lives dies.
“I don’t know if I’m in the position to tell this. I
guess we should walk outside for some fresh air.”
“Just tell me, uncle. I’m being so worried sick about
him these past months. Every time I’m asking him if he’s sick or something, he’s
always saying he’s fine and he’s not sick. I know he’s hiding something from me
and I’m dying to know it. I’m getting crazy worrying about him. I, I… I just
want to know, if he’s alright.” I said the last sentence in a whisper. He didn’t
say anything but pulled me out of the hospital.
We’re now walking at the hospital’s garden. He turns
around and said,
“Jinki…” my uncle holds my hand and shuffle my hair
like how he used to do when I was small to relax me. And as usual, it’s
working. “I want you to calm down.” He said and tightened his hold on my fist.
“He, he came to have checkups, that's it." He
replied not looking to my eyes.
"Then why is he with yo-... don't tell me he have
cancer." I said looking at him. He then gave me a weak nod. I gasped my
mouth agape. My breath hitched, my knees weaken, my eyes stings, tears wanted
to fall. Then realization hits me, my heart breaks.
~*^*~
“Why don’t you just tell me where you live, so that I’ll
just visit you?” I asked over the phone. He called me today an hour before our
meeting to tell me that he can't make it because he have to do something. These
past few days, he’s always saying that he have some important errands to do
that’s why he can't come to meet me. But I don’t think so, by the way he
speaks, I can guess that he’s sick.
“No! You can't! I mean, you can but not today. Don’t
worry, I’ll bring you here one day. For now, I have to go. Bye bye!” He said
and closed the phone. I know he’s hiding from me something. I just have to find
out what it is.
The fourth month came, and as he promised, he brought me to his home. But not the home I am expecting. This is just one of their vacation houses, and what I am expecting is the house where he is currently living. It’s still near Seoul, but still, what I want to visit is the home he stays. But once I went in, I forgot about his real house and just
amazed by this house. This is so nice and cozy.
“This is my favorite house. I like to stay here. Every
school vacation or weekends, I am staying here to relax.” He said and pulled me
to the glass wall. I observed the view in front of me and this is just amazing.
I can truly understand why he’s comfortable here. The fresh air, clear sky, and
the bright sun, this is really the best place to relax.
“I’m always playing here and running from there to
there!” he said and pointing from his left to right. “And over there, I and
Jonghyun hyung always playing hide and seek.” I am looking at him the whole
time and I still notice the paleness in his face even though he’s using make-up,
blusher and lipstick to hide them. Really, something is definitely wrong with
him. But why doesn’t he just tell me?
“Jinki!” I guess I lost at my thoughts for a long
time, because I didn’t hear him calling me.
“What is it again?”
“I said, let’s go shopping today. And my brother is coming
tonight with your brother and your bestfriend. So, we have to shop and prepare
dinner for them.”
“Really? Taemin’s coming with Minho, and Jonghyun?”
“Yup! That’s why we should go now, shall we?”
“Sure!”
~*^*~
“What kind of cancer?" I asked after I pulled myself
together.
"Leukemia." Now, I'm more afraid. There's
not much patients survived from leukemia.
"Since when?" I asked weakly.
“He’s diagnosed with leukemia 3 years ago."
"Is he fine? Is he going to be fine?" ‘Please,
God, let him tell me he's fine.'
"We performed a bone marrow transplant for him 3
years ago. But 2 years ago, he’s leukemia started again. We are just giving
medication for him, and chemotherapy which temporarily cured him. 6 months ago,
his sickness got worst, and this time, we can't cure him. We can't help him
again. I told them that maybe another operation will help him, but it can only
remove the old cancer cells and stop the growth of the cancer for a while. So, he
gave up. He said, he’ll never heal from this sickness.”
“How much? How many?” I asked. I’m still looking at
him, my sight blurs because of tears. My tears are falling down one by one. I suddenly
feel weak, my knees suddenly feels weak. They are shaking. Like my heart,
shaking, breaking and scattering into pieces.
“Based on his condition now, he still has 7 months or
less.”
I turned
around. 7 months…or less. This is crazy. My uncle is kidding me right? I turned
again to face my uncle, asked him with my shaky voice.
“You’re kidding me right uncle? He’s not dying. Key’s
not dying. He’ll never leave me.” I fall down on my knees, finally giving up. My
uncle tried to pick me up, to let me stand up. But I think all of my energy was
drained. I just ended looking at the ground as if the answers or solutions are
on it. I cried silently while convincing myself that this is just a dream.
“I…wished that too. Kibum, he’s a nice kid. Let’s just
pray for miracle.”
~*^*~
“Happy Birthday Key! I said and hand him a small box.”
“Thank you Onew!” he said and took the box from me. He
opened it excitedly with a lovely smile on his face. His eyes glistened when he
saw my gift. He lifted it and the moon shone on it making it shinning and more
beautiful.
“Wow! This is so beautiful! It’s simple but beautiful.”
He said with a happy smile on his face. I suddenly felt relieved and proud of
myself. His next move sent me to heaven, he suddenly hugged me tight. I hugged
him too in return. I’m in my total bliss until I heard him crying. I pushed him
away a little to see that he’s really crying.
“What’s wrong?” I asked and wiped the tears on his pale
cheeks.
“Nothing…I’m just happy.” He said and still smiled
even though his tears didn’t stop him from crying.
“Aw, come on! It’s not that I’m the only person that
giving you gifts.” I said and continued on wiping his cheeks.
“Yours is special.”
“Anyway…” I said and took the necklace from his hand. I
turned him to face me so that I can wear him his necklace. “Do you know why I
bought you a key necklace?”
“Come to think of it…because it’s the nickname you
give me?” I return to my old position and I hold both his cheeks and said,
“Because, this” I pointed at the pendant, “is the key
to my heart. I locked it and now I am giving you the key. You are the only
person who can open it. Actually, you’re the one who opened it before. I just
returned the key back to you. It’s yours to keep.”
“B-but… what do you mean?”
“The very first time I met you,” I looked at his pale
hands and take them to my hold, my thumbs automatically playing at the back of
his hands and looked back at his eyes. “I knew that I want to be with you, to
know you and I want to make you mine. I fell in love with you the very first
time I see you.”
“J-Jinki…” he looked at me, tears flowing again
uncontrollable.
“I love you Kim Kibum. Can you be mine?”
“I-I…I…don’t know…” oh my god! Is it a wrong move? Didn’t
he like me? Or is he straight?
“What do you mean I don’t know?” I asked softly, and trying
to calm him down.
“I-I love you too. I’m so happy to know that this isn’t
just a one sided love. But I don’t think what we wanted will work out. We will
just be hurt at the end.” What does he mean by that? Why?
“Why? Why did you say so? Is it because we’re both
guys?”
“No! No! It’s not what you think. It’s just, it will
not work out. Believe me.”
-+-
After calming down, I decided to leave
the hospital. My uncle didn't want to let me go at first, but then he let me go
when I assured him that I'm fine. I walk to the parking lot to ride my car and
there sat for a while. I'm thinking about everything that happens from the last
months. My tears are flowing again endlessly when I understand everything. I
rest my head on the steering wheel and cried again for the second time. The
thoughts of Key leaving me forever, where the chance of meeting each other
again is impossible is keep on repeating in my mind. I'm so scared. I don't
want to lose him that way. What should I do? I start my car and left the
hospital. I decided to go to his house. I smiled bitterly and cursed myself. I
forgot that I don't have his address here in Seoul. So I decided to just go in
their rest house, wishing to find him there. I want to see him. I want to
embrace him and never let go of him again. I want to hold him and keep him near
me forever. I want him, I love him, and I don't think I still can live without
him. 'Key, wait for me, and don't leave me.'
+-+
"What did you say?" Did I hear it right?
He's telling me to stop meeting him? But why?
"You heard me right, let's stop meeting each
other. This will be the last time we will see each other." I looked at
him, searching for evidence that he's just joking, that he's just pulling a
prank, but I saw in his eyes that he's serious.
"You’re joking right?" I said and hoping
that he'll say yes, but he looked at me with his sad eyes and say that he's not
joking.
"Why? Why the all of the sudden Key? Did I do
something wrong?"
"No! No, you didn't do something wrong. You know
that I love you right? I really love you that's why I'm doing this. I don't
want to hurt you, please trust me." I get down of the car and slammed the
door. After I go down, I heard the other door open which means Key go out of
the car too.
"Onew, don't make this difficult for the both of
us." Key said behind me. I turn around I feel anger getting over my
sadness. Not long after I started shouting at him.
"You're the one making it difficult for the both
of us!"
"Onew-" I saw his precious tears starting
fall on his pale cheeks. Another knife stabs my heart. I went near him and
wiped the tears on his cheeks and I softly said,
"If you really love me, why did you reject me? If
you really love me, why are you leaving me?"
"I told you, I don't want to hurt you."
"But you are hurting me now."
"I don't want to hurt you more."
"You’re not making any sense. I can't understand
anything." He took me in his arms and said,
"Let's just make the remaining minutes that we're
together special. I want to have a good memory of you before we part."
"Who said I'll let you go?" I replied tightening
my embrace to him afraid that he'll vanish by the time I'll let him go.
"Onew, please I'm begging you let me go and go on
with your life."
"No!"
"I'm sorry, but please..."
"No!"
"Onew-"
"Give me a good reason." I don't know why I
said that. I heard him sighed, burying his face to my chest.
"I- I"
"At least, give me a good reason to let you
go." I'm insane! Saying this to him, I'm stupid aren't I? But seeing those
hurtful and pleading eyes, my heart says otherwise. I think...I just love him.
"I...I'm leaving, and I'll never be coming
back."
+-+
It's already
dark when I reached Key's rest house. I go down of the car and run my way to
the house. My tears are still rolling down my cheeks unable to stop falling. I smiled
and sighed in relief when I saw the light of the house open. I immediately run
and knock the door.
One
Two
Three knocks
Still nobody opened the door.
I looked at the windows searching for someone inside but I found nobody. I
tried again my luck and knocked the door louder.
"Key! Are you there?
Please open the door!" I shouted repeatedly wishing for Key to go down and
open the door for me.
Why is he not answering? Is he
here and he's avoiding me, or he really isn't here? I sat down on the floor of
the doorway leaning my back on the door. I looked at the stars remembering the
happy memories we made here; memories that I will never forget even if I
die.
+_+
"Where are you going?
Maybe I can visit you." I asked pushing him a little so that I can cup his
pale but beautiful face with my hands. He looked at me in the eyes and said,
"You can't visit me in
the place I am going to, unless it's the proper time...maybe?" A tear
escaped from his eyes, which followed by more tears. I wiped them off and
kissed his lips. He was shocked at first, not replying to my kiss. But later on,
he wrapped his arms around my neck to deepen the kiss.
"I love you Onew..."
"I love you
too...Key."
+_+
How many hours
am I sitting here? Is he gone? Is he away? I shake my head to get rid of the
negative thoughts in my head and pulled my knees to my chest and buried them
there. I will wait here for him. I will wait for him. I know, I just know that
he's here. My heart tells me that he's here.
After some
moments, when my eyes gave up, wanting to close to drift me to sleep, I heard
the voice of my love, my life, calling my name. I immediately look up, I am not
dreaming right? I'm not hallucinating right? He's here in front of me. I stood
up, walk closer and touched his still pale cheeks.
"Key..."
~*^*~
Forgotten Season
I still remember the last night of October,
We separated after leaving indefinable words,
Was your gloomy face, the truth?
Will I have to forget you without even trying to
explain?
The returning seasons give me dreams,
Yet, impossible dreams are sad; they make me cry
-Forgotten Season (Ihyojingyejol)
Hero Jaejoong
~to be continued~