(no subject)
I have been trying to talk to Billy about stuff and he won't talk to me. The past few times that I have been going over to visit, has been with Chris also, so it wasn't like we had any alone time. Not to mention, when we are alone, he just watches TV and doesn't want to talk. So I just sit there looking at him like "hey" and he goes "hello." Useless.
I asked him yesterday "if you were me, would you believe you?" [About him wanting to change]
And he goes "yes, because I said I was going to be better, and I would believe someone if they told me that."
I was like... "you would seriously believe someone that lied to you for 3 years?"
I just feel like this "boundary" thing he is doing is pushing me away. Like, I can't touch his leg, but we can hug and we cuddle. We don't kiss, do nothing seriously physical, but what bothers me is that he can do things to me (kiss my forehead, cuddle me, rub my back, and crap) but if I do something, he reminds me that I am crossing the line. I am like... what? You are being a hypocrite. You can touch me, but I can't touch you. Sometimes he doesn't mind, but sometimes he does. And he has been acting like a jerk about stupid things off and on. Like everything will be fine, and then I will do or say something, and he gets that tone with me that pisses me off or hurts me. I am like what the fuck did I do??
I told him the way he has been acting has been putting me off and is making me rethink everything about "us." He is already taking too long to figure out his shit, he still doesn't have a job, and I am still basically taking care of him. BUT... the bright side is, I have been selling some of his crap, mainly these Heroscape toys, and have been taking the money from that to support him on. I just sold the rest on ebay for $160, so I am taking like $100 and giving him the rest. Well, I gave it to him already. lol. But whatever, I can't afford to take care of him anymore. I am living on my last $100 til payday this week.
I am also thinking about taking off my promise ring. I put it back on when we first broke up, because I went and spent the stupid $70 to get it resized. Now I feel like I have nothing to promise to him. I have been talking to a guyfriend of mine in a less than innocent way (nothing will come of it, and it isn't explicit or anything, just talking about stuff and flirting lol).
I mean, I will only be able to wait so long for him. I have my own needs, and just wanting to be loved and have physical contact with someone I love doesn't seem like it is going to happen anytime soon. I just can't take it.
I asked him yesterday "if you were me, would you believe you?" [About him wanting to change]
And he goes "yes, because I said I was going to be better, and I would believe someone if they told me that."
I was like... "you would seriously believe someone that lied to you for 3 years?"
I just feel like this "boundary" thing he is doing is pushing me away. Like, I can't touch his leg, but we can hug and we cuddle. We don't kiss, do nothing seriously physical, but what bothers me is that he can do things to me (kiss my forehead, cuddle me, rub my back, and crap) but if I do something, he reminds me that I am crossing the line. I am like... what? You are being a hypocrite. You can touch me, but I can't touch you. Sometimes he doesn't mind, but sometimes he does. And he has been acting like a jerk about stupid things off and on. Like everything will be fine, and then I will do or say something, and he gets that tone with me that pisses me off or hurts me. I am like what the fuck did I do??
I told him the way he has been acting has been putting me off and is making me rethink everything about "us." He is already taking too long to figure out his shit, he still doesn't have a job, and I am still basically taking care of him. BUT... the bright side is, I have been selling some of his crap, mainly these Heroscape toys, and have been taking the money from that to support him on. I just sold the rest on ebay for $160, so I am taking like $100 and giving him the rest. Well, I gave it to him already. lol. But whatever, I can't afford to take care of him anymore. I am living on my last $100 til payday this week.
I am also thinking about taking off my promise ring. I put it back on when we first broke up, because I went and spent the stupid $70 to get it resized. Now I feel like I have nothing to promise to him. I have been talking to a guyfriend of mine in a less than innocent way (nothing will come of it, and it isn't explicit or anything, just talking about stuff and flirting lol).
I mean, I will only be able to wait so long for him. I have my own needs, and just wanting to be loved and have physical contact with someone I love doesn't seem like it is going to happen anytime soon. I just can't take it.