Energy Level: 35%
Aunt Karen passed away on Wednesday morning at 1:15 am. She went peacefully with my mom and Aunt Linda by her side.
We all surrounded her on Tuesday and just sat with her as she allowed her body to shut down. Morphine was administered every hour and truly, I don't think it was enough. (Her tolerance to drugs was much higher than most people -- Hospice said every hour or two hours should be fine, but I really think she should have had more.)
I had my chance to say good-bye, and it was extremely sad and heart-wrenching to do so. I've never had to tell anyone good-bye before -- not like that.
I've also never sat bedside with someone who was passing away. I feel like this is something that is going to stick with me for a very long time. It's not something you'd forget, watching someone die.
Over the past week, I've occasionally felt a heaviness. Especially on Saturday, when we were all heading to Deltaville to celebrate my Aunt Karen's life. My niece, my mom and I all got car-sick. I never get car-sick, or at least I haven't since I was very young. I can't help but wonder if the spirit of my aunt was prominent, and because of the ties to the three of us, our energy levels were affected.
My own energy level feels very low. I was by my mom's side every day since Wednesday morning, giving her my strength and love. I'm not a religious person or even very spiritual... I wish I was, so I could turn to something like God and pray for strength. But I don't believe in an all-powerful being that grants wishes. I believe that God is a very strong idea, much like that of Ra, the Sun God. And there is power in belief and ideas...
But the fact that I believe God is different than many people, it doesn't afford me the same benefits.
Rambling helps. I'm sure crying more would probably help too. I just have to keep telling myself I'm a rechargeable battery -- give me enough time and sleep and I will be alright.
In other news, I really need to get back on the dieting wagon. The past week, I've eaten so poorly. Granted, I had some good excuses, but excuses are still that. People tell me I should just wait until the beginning of the year, but I don't need official starts. So today is a new day. I haven't lost 60 lbs to just quit now.
We all surrounded her on Tuesday and just sat with her as she allowed her body to shut down. Morphine was administered every hour and truly, I don't think it was enough. (Her tolerance to drugs was much higher than most people -- Hospice said every hour or two hours should be fine, but I really think she should have had more.)
I had my chance to say good-bye, and it was extremely sad and heart-wrenching to do so. I've never had to tell anyone good-bye before -- not like that.
I've also never sat bedside with someone who was passing away. I feel like this is something that is going to stick with me for a very long time. It's not something you'd forget, watching someone die.
Over the past week, I've occasionally felt a heaviness. Especially on Saturday, when we were all heading to Deltaville to celebrate my Aunt Karen's life. My niece, my mom and I all got car-sick. I never get car-sick, or at least I haven't since I was very young. I can't help but wonder if the spirit of my aunt was prominent, and because of the ties to the three of us, our energy levels were affected.
My own energy level feels very low. I was by my mom's side every day since Wednesday morning, giving her my strength and love. I'm not a religious person or even very spiritual... I wish I was, so I could turn to something like God and pray for strength. But I don't believe in an all-powerful being that grants wishes. I believe that God is a very strong idea, much like that of Ra, the Sun God. And there is power in belief and ideas...
But the fact that I believe God is different than many people, it doesn't afford me the same benefits.
Rambling helps. I'm sure crying more would probably help too. I just have to keep telling myself I'm a rechargeable battery -- give me enough time and sleep and I will be alright.
In other news, I really need to get back on the dieting wagon. The past week, I've eaten so poorly. Granted, I had some good excuses, but excuses are still that. People tell me I should just wait until the beginning of the year, but I don't need official starts. So today is a new day. I haven't lost 60 lbs to just quit now.