i'll be around the bend
warning: somewhat long.
so lately i've been down randomly. i don't really understand why.
Sunday was great. i hung out with my friend Chris for awhile until i hung out with Jacobo (the guy i met at the concert) and i thought we had a great time. so i called him on Monday twice but didn't leave a message, so i have no idea if he called. on Monday i then played pool with Noelle and that was cool. so yesterday i called him again and left a message this time. i proceeded to hang out with Shane and Jennifer at Fun Club (i got a hug from Kochie!) he didn't call me back at all. and today i'm going to be working on the German movie script with my friend Lee. then we're going to get Japanese food and that will be awesome.
so considering that the past few days have been pretty allright, i don't understand why i'm so down. perhaps i'm down because this guy hasn't called me back. i mean, i thought he was pretty cool. i had a great time, and he even agreed to hanging out again. so maybe i'm just being weird. or perhaps i read vibes wrong? i'm so bad at this dating thing.
school on the other hand has been good to me. i haven't been getting lots of homework which is wonderful because i'm suffering from senioritis hardcore. and even Mrs. P is being nice to me again! that makes me happy.
i've been getting a lot of temptations not to go to Germany now. =\ i'm trying to avoid them. there have already been two occasions when i decided to not do what i want with my life (live in Europe) due to men. no matter how much i may want to not go to Germany because i meet a guy i really like, i can't let myself get weakened like that. if it's meant to be, it will happen. i don't want to have another long distance relationship, but *shrug*. we'll see. we'll see. i'm tired of trying to control my life. there are some things that you need to make happen (such as living in Germany for a year), but sometimes other things needs to just...happen. like relationships. you can't just make it happen. you can't control anybody to do something. just like this thing with Jacobo. i can't just sit around and hope he calls me. what's that gonna do? i can't make him do it. i'm still going to be my ambitious self. that will never fade again. i promise you guys that. i won't let my ambition disappear again the way i let it when i was dating Kevin. but i don't want to try to control things that i cannot anymore. i can't let things like that bring me down so much. i want to let things flow. things happen for a reason, and i want to learn how to just let them happen and let them slide. the world is not going to end if Jacobo doesn't call me. the apocalypse will not occur because i don't have a boyfriend. i'm not going to die just because a long distance relationship may not work or is not possible.
just breathe and let it flow. whatever happens, happens.
so lately i've been down randomly. i don't really understand why.
Sunday was great. i hung out with my friend Chris for awhile until i hung out with Jacobo (the guy i met at the concert) and i thought we had a great time. so i called him on Monday twice but didn't leave a message, so i have no idea if he called. on Monday i then played pool with Noelle and that was cool. so yesterday i called him again and left a message this time. i proceeded to hang out with Shane and Jennifer at Fun Club (i got a hug from Kochie!) he didn't call me back at all. and today i'm going to be working on the German movie script with my friend Lee. then we're going to get Japanese food and that will be awesome.
so considering that the past few days have been pretty allright, i don't understand why i'm so down. perhaps i'm down because this guy hasn't called me back. i mean, i thought he was pretty cool. i had a great time, and he even agreed to hanging out again. so maybe i'm just being weird. or perhaps i read vibes wrong? i'm so bad at this dating thing.
school on the other hand has been good to me. i haven't been getting lots of homework which is wonderful because i'm suffering from senioritis hardcore. and even Mrs. P is being nice to me again! that makes me happy.
i've been getting a lot of temptations not to go to Germany now. =\ i'm trying to avoid them. there have already been two occasions when i decided to not do what i want with my life (live in Europe) due to men. no matter how much i may want to not go to Germany because i meet a guy i really like, i can't let myself get weakened like that. if it's meant to be, it will happen. i don't want to have another long distance relationship, but *shrug*. we'll see. we'll see. i'm tired of trying to control my life. there are some things that you need to make happen (such as living in Germany for a year), but sometimes other things needs to just...happen. like relationships. you can't just make it happen. you can't control anybody to do something. just like this thing with Jacobo. i can't just sit around and hope he calls me. what's that gonna do? i can't make him do it. i'm still going to be my ambitious self. that will never fade again. i promise you guys that. i won't let my ambition disappear again the way i let it when i was dating Kevin. but i don't want to try to control things that i cannot anymore. i can't let things like that bring me down so much. i want to let things flow. things happen for a reason, and i want to learn how to just let them happen and let them slide. the world is not going to end if Jacobo doesn't call me. the apocalypse will not occur because i don't have a boyfriend. i'm not going to die just because a long distance relationship may not work or is not possible.
just breathe and let it flow. whatever happens, happens.