And I've been holding out for love ever since I had a heart
i left all my friends at the morning bus stop shaking their heads.
"what kind of life you dream of? you're allergic to love."
--know your onion!, the shins
I've decided that since March 2005 to now has officially been the most emotional year of my life. I didn't think it could be possible to cram that many events and emotions into one year, but it was. Ever since Caswell died, life as I thought I knew it turned upside down. Which isn't to say that it was a bad thing, in fact, it quite possibly was a very necessary thing.
So since then, I've experienced loss in a way I thought I would never have to; found it difficult to end what I thought, at the time, was an amazing school year; went to an extremely beautiful wedding, which I blame as the cause for me later being a little to eager to jump, head first I might add, into love; made my first truly independent move by going to California for most of the summer; learned more about myself in the course of a month and a half than I thought possible; met some of the most amazing young people who had a much bigger influence on me than they could even imagine; added to the number of people I can call my close friends; fell in love with nature, with some incredible friends, and into some sort of love; got depressed over some silly, and some not-so-silly reasons; tried to open up more; learned to trust three beautiful girls who I am incredibly grateful for; spent a beautiful winter break with my extended family and got to see some of my most favorite people and one boy who causes me more confusion and heartache than he knows; shied away from most of the boys I'm friends with for too many reasons, but which proved to be beneficial; and made some kind of decision about where I thought my life should be headed.
I could keep going but enough with the listing. Life never turns out the way you expect it to, and that can be a beautiful thing. If you learn to appreciate it. I'm trying to. A few weeks ago I had a feeling that this summer was going to turn out way different than expected, that something big was going to happen. That feeling has faded quite a bit since then, but I'm still certain that something is going to happen that is going to change everything. I'm already starting to settle into a routine that I'm getting tired of quickly. Hopefully once the weather starts brightening up a little, it'll start to feel more like summer. I really just want a magical summer and I'm worried that might be too much to hope for.
"what kind of life you dream of? you're allergic to love."
--know your onion!, the shins
I've decided that since March 2005 to now has officially been the most emotional year of my life. I didn't think it could be possible to cram that many events and emotions into one year, but it was. Ever since Caswell died, life as I thought I knew it turned upside down. Which isn't to say that it was a bad thing, in fact, it quite possibly was a very necessary thing.
So since then, I've experienced loss in a way I thought I would never have to; found it difficult to end what I thought, at the time, was an amazing school year; went to an extremely beautiful wedding, which I blame as the cause for me later being a little to eager to jump, head first I might add, into love; made my first truly independent move by going to California for most of the summer; learned more about myself in the course of a month and a half than I thought possible; met some of the most amazing young people who had a much bigger influence on me than they could even imagine; added to the number of people I can call my close friends; fell in love with nature, with some incredible friends, and into some sort of love; got depressed over some silly, and some not-so-silly reasons; tried to open up more; learned to trust three beautiful girls who I am incredibly grateful for; spent a beautiful winter break with my extended family and got to see some of my most favorite people and one boy who causes me more confusion and heartache than he knows; shied away from most of the boys I'm friends with for too many reasons, but which proved to be beneficial; and made some kind of decision about where I thought my life should be headed.
I could keep going but enough with the listing. Life never turns out the way you expect it to, and that can be a beautiful thing. If you learn to appreciate it. I'm trying to. A few weeks ago I had a feeling that this summer was going to turn out way different than expected, that something big was going to happen. That feeling has faded quite a bit since then, but I'm still certain that something is going to happen that is going to change everything. I'm already starting to settle into a routine that I'm getting tired of quickly. Hopefully once the weather starts brightening up a little, it'll start to feel more like summer. I really just want a magical summer and I'm worried that might be too much to hope for.