Complaining/Sadnezz/Happy Early Phagwah
I'm depressed....is that what you guys wanna hear....well be happy cuz I said it...god...in the past week or 2 I feel like I've lost "touch" with everyone close to me. I feel like I don't talk to anyone anymore....and if I do...it's 5 mins here....3 mins there...never a real and proper conversations. Sometimes I just wish someone would have more then 5 mins to listen to me as conceited as that may sound but it's true. Who listens to me these days? No one....strangers become the ones who actually have time to listen and that makes me sad. Why do we have to turn to people we barely know to express ourselves when the ones we love and who love us should be the ones there for us. It makes me wonder....so they even love me as much as I love them. I'm not talking anyone in general here....I'm talking about a couple of people so don't feel as your the target here when I say these things. These days I feel so abandoned....which causes me to feel lonely...and what does loneliness lead to? Of course....the answer is depression.
I dunno...enough of that...I've just been tense lately also....grades are worrying me....especially AP History....my relationship with Nawaz seems like I'm always walking on eggshells with him....just current situations at hand with Amrita and Chris....not so much Shawn because he chooses not to get involved but he stills feels the same way as us....I dunno. Maybe we are just all growing up. It is inevitable that we would grow apart....but because of a girl? I always thought it would be because of age and our schedules, maybe even distance...but never a girl...and he wonder why we don't like her. She hates us...it's not hard to tell...she has no consideration for us....she knows we are around....yet she calls every day....and asks everyday who is around....people with consideration would say I'll call you back....because they know others are around.....she's just blah....the end....forget it.....
Since I can't complain to him....I will complain to myself and all the other LJ readers....I miss my babez....badly....counting the days makes me feel even worst because I know exactly how long its been, but of course I still do it because I'm stubborn....I think I just count the days because it makes me feel some what better deep down inside...I feel as though the more days that pass the sooner he'll come back. But that's just a lie I trick myself into believing...it's not true....It makes me more mad then anything else when people complain about not seeing their bf and gf for couple days...or even a week. I feel like to strangle them and be like well at least you see them. I haven't seen my sweetheart in 3 months! Especially Chris...god sometimes he just pisses me off....he complains about not talking to that girl for a couple hours....he sees her every week...if not more....cuz sometimes it 2 or 3 times a week....and then spends all flippin day on the phone with her! I'm lucky if I even talk to Nawaz for more than 20 mins....I need to change the topic cuz I'm starting to cry now....see how much I miss him....I'm crying....god....
Well I don't feel like updating tomorrow so Happy Early Phagwah to everyone celebrating. I really wanna go to the phagwah parade on Sunday. I hopeeeee it's nice cuz that's the only way we are gonna get to go *crosses fingers*. I didn't get to go last yr cuz of the rain....but the year b4 was hella fun. Oh man it was Chris, Shawn and me....and then we meet up with Tiffany there....shuckz buddday....funezz 4 funezz even though it was hella cold. I remember this one kid came up to me....he couldn't even past my waist with a super soaker filled with abeer and he was like happppy phagwah....and spray purple abeeer on my jeans....lol I was like rass....it took like 2 washes to get all that crap out....and I remember when I got home I had to wash my hair for like 45 mins to get all that color out....I was like "bleeding" pink and green and purple and blue....lol it was soo worth it though. I have no complains about that. Oh man...phagwah is the best holiday....the best had to be the one at Forest Street....I think that was 2 years ago too....I remember we chase Paul all the way down Forest and onto Walnut just to cathc him cuz he wanna play sweet bai and think he gonna walk in without getting powder on him.
Newayz I'm done reminiscing....what's done is done....time for new memories....
I dunno...enough of that...I've just been tense lately also....grades are worrying me....especially AP History....my relationship with Nawaz seems like I'm always walking on eggshells with him....just current situations at hand with Amrita and Chris....not so much Shawn because he chooses not to get involved but he stills feels the same way as us....I dunno. Maybe we are just all growing up. It is inevitable that we would grow apart....but because of a girl? I always thought it would be because of age and our schedules, maybe even distance...but never a girl...and he wonder why we don't like her. She hates us...it's not hard to tell...she has no consideration for us....she knows we are around....yet she calls every day....and asks everyday who is around....people with consideration would say I'll call you back....because they know others are around.....she's just blah....the end....forget it.....
Since I can't complain to him....I will complain to myself and all the other LJ readers....I miss my babez....badly....counting the days makes me feel even worst because I know exactly how long its been, but of course I still do it because I'm stubborn....I think I just count the days because it makes me feel some what better deep down inside...I feel as though the more days that pass the sooner he'll come back. But that's just a lie I trick myself into believing...it's not true....It makes me more mad then anything else when people complain about not seeing their bf and gf for couple days...or even a week. I feel like to strangle them and be like well at least you see them. I haven't seen my sweetheart in 3 months! Especially Chris...god sometimes he just pisses me off....he complains about not talking to that girl for a couple hours....he sees her every week...if not more....cuz sometimes it 2 or 3 times a week....and then spends all flippin day on the phone with her! I'm lucky if I even talk to Nawaz for more than 20 mins....I need to change the topic cuz I'm starting to cry now....see how much I miss him....I'm crying....god....
Well I don't feel like updating tomorrow so Happy Early Phagwah to everyone celebrating. I really wanna go to the phagwah parade on Sunday. I hopeeeee it's nice cuz that's the only way we are gonna get to go *crosses fingers*. I didn't get to go last yr cuz of the rain....but the year b4 was hella fun. Oh man it was Chris, Shawn and me....and then we meet up with Tiffany there....shuckz buddday....funezz 4 funezz even though it was hella cold. I remember this one kid came up to me....he couldn't even past my waist with a super soaker filled with abeer and he was like happppy phagwah....and spray purple abeeer on my jeans....lol I was like rass....it took like 2 washes to get all that crap out....and I remember when I got home I had to wash my hair for like 45 mins to get all that color out....I was like "bleeding" pink and green and purple and blue....lol it was soo worth it though. I have no complains about that. Oh man...phagwah is the best holiday....the best had to be the one at Forest Street....I think that was 2 years ago too....I remember we chase Paul all the way down Forest and onto Walnut just to cathc him cuz he wanna play sweet bai and think he gonna walk in without getting powder on him.
Newayz I'm done reminiscing....what's done is done....time for new memories....