*in her handwritten diary*
Things are exceptionally bad right now. Bad enough that I can't even explain to others how bad it is for fear of seeing those looks on their faces.
I'm not sure I can do this. 3 months of not running, but... I don't know. That need to run is growing. I don't WANT to run. I want to stay safe and warm in this little family we're all creating. I just don't know that i have the energy, or the ability, to do it.
How is it I can tell Caz over and over that he can do it when I don't believe it of myself?
Merlin, let me make it through this. Please.
I don't think I could face everyone if I didn't. I couldn't stand the look on everyone's face... The disappointment from everyone.
The very thought makes me want to die.
I'm shaking so hard I almost can't write. I hide it when everyone's awake... I put on a smile and act like I'm fine, but I'm not. I can feel the push of heroin into my vein, and I haven't had it in OVER three months. My body is fevered in ways it hasn't been until now. It has to stop. I can't make it through days like this.
So fucking tired.
Tired of fighting.
(ooc: at which point she fell asleep with the book on the desk, head falling onto her arms. Should someone wake up and go to move her and catch what she wrote, feel free to react. If not, it is what it is.)
I'm not sure I can do this. 3 months of not running, but... I don't know. That need to run is growing. I don't WANT to run. I want to stay safe and warm in this little family we're all creating. I just don't know that i have the energy, or the ability, to do it.
How is it I can tell Caz over and over that he can do it when I don't believe it of myself?
Merlin, let me make it through this. Please.
I don't think I could face everyone if I didn't. I couldn't stand the look on everyone's face... The disappointment from everyone.
The very thought makes me want to die.
I'm shaking so hard I almost can't write. I hide it when everyone's awake... I put on a smile and act like I'm fine, but I'm not. I can feel the push of heroin into my vein, and I haven't had it in OVER three months. My body is fevered in ways it hasn't been until now. It has to stop. I can't make it through days like this.
So fucking tired.
Tired of fighting.
(ooc: at which point she fell asleep with the book on the desk, head falling onto her arms. Should someone wake up and go to move her and catch what she wrote, feel free to react. If not, it is what it is.)