(no subject)
Fuck Sharon. Fuck my dad. Fuck the rain that never stops and the wind that blows right through my sweater. Fuck eating rice and beans for every meal. Fuck living in the middle of nowhere. Fuck not being able to talk to anyone ever. Fuck isolated insect places in the middle of the mountains. Fuck tourists who go on tours even when they don't care about butterflies. Fuck fake peanut butter. Fuck gaining weight. Fuck should-be-prescription diet pills that don't make me stop eating. Fuck not having hot water. Fuck not having any friends. Fuck dealing with cockroaches in my bedroom and spiders on my wall. Fuck mold, especially when I find it on my weed. Fuck traveling, learning and sobriety. Fuck only writing when things don't seem so great. Fuck Flint. Fuck Michigan. Fuck Costa Rica. Fuck not wanting to be here. Fuck not wanting to be anywhere. Fuck six hour long bus rides at six in the morning. Fuck not being able to go home when you go home. Fuck not having all the people you had when you left. Fuck forgetting how bad situations really are because you haven't dealt with them for two months. Fuck hating your family. Fuck caring what month your mom died. Fuck flashbacks of crackhouses when you were 7. Fuck trying not to cry in front of strangers when you have them. Fuck the tears that make me have to wipe my glasses off to see the screen. Fuck waiting for something to happen. Fuck always being discontent. Fuck wishing it was the past because when it was you wished it was the next day. Fuck not having the figure I used to when I was 15. Fuck not being able to quit smoking. Fuck having a million bug bites. Fuck thanksgiving, fuck christmas, fuck winter. Fuck it.
Things aren't always this bad. And I'm sure they'll be better even tomorrow. This is just the present.
Things aren't always this bad. And I'm sure they'll be better even tomorrow. This is just the present.