(no subject)
So I have switched to alcohol as a pain killer over my meds, mostly due to the fact that I have more control when I am drinking. I legitimately feel less pain, but there is still the unpleasant side effect. I am hyper focusing on the past again. This time it is thankfully on no one specific, but rather on my worth as a human being. I am questioning whether I should even try to date, as all the women I am attracted to seem to never want the same from me. Quite the opposite in fact, they just want a friend. Worse yet, I don't think they are in the wrong for it all. I see no redeeming factors in myself. Sure I try to help everyone but is that really a redeeming trait or just spawned from guilt, remorse, and loneliness? If someone can get something useful from me, why should I be upset?
I know it is primarily just this month that gets to me. Logically I realize that not everything that has happened is my fault and not everyone hates me, but why does it still feel like the only thing people feel for me is pity?
I know it is primarily just this month that gets to me. Logically I realize that not everything that has happened is my fault and not everyone hates me, but why does it still feel like the only thing people feel for me is pity?