(no subject)
Stress mostly evaporated for the time being. Comfort and contentment in putting my feet up and reading a book, stopping to bask in sunlight or watch people as they walk. Such little joys now genuinely joyful, because they are borne of peace and not procrastination.
Yesterday I got on the treadmill and thought I would have to stop after a couple of miles, my stomach felt like it swelled under my skin and my breathing seemed wrong. But then the pain went away; completely and undeniably, and I ran like a man possessed, longer and faster than I have in a while. I stopped because I was bored more than anything else; no exhaustion, no cramps, no dry mouth. I hit the cool down button at the 43 minute mark after I had run five miles exactly. Why the ease all of a sudden? Where did the energy come from? Perhaps it was excitement and my impending travel. Or was it some trick of my metabolism? The main difference now than before is that the last of my most troublesome stresses have gone.
LSATs, law school applications, waiting for replies, deep dark troubles with Anne, finishing the thesis, nailing requirements, saying goodbye to Trinity, then getting graduation over with. All the things that kept me up at night, that ate at my brain and made my heart beat like a humming bird while I laid motionless in bed; all of them gone, and my body was happy and rewarded me.
But still it never goes away completely. Tiny vessels of pain still linger, dripping into little pools that hurt. People special to me are still far away, or will soon be far away. One special person whom I locked eyes with for one night straight hasn't been talking to me. Another acted dreadfully, and left a stain of dread on me, and I'm afraid of trying to talk to her. And there are other characters, tiny vessels, like I said. For now I'll try to focus on the sun and the paper and the ink.
I'm off to the British Isles tomorrow. Look forward to rolling green hills and winding, cobblestone streets. Come along with me.
Yesterday I got on the treadmill and thought I would have to stop after a couple of miles, my stomach felt like it swelled under my skin and my breathing seemed wrong. But then the pain went away; completely and undeniably, and I ran like a man possessed, longer and faster than I have in a while. I stopped because I was bored more than anything else; no exhaustion, no cramps, no dry mouth. I hit the cool down button at the 43 minute mark after I had run five miles exactly. Why the ease all of a sudden? Where did the energy come from? Perhaps it was excitement and my impending travel. Or was it some trick of my metabolism? The main difference now than before is that the last of my most troublesome stresses have gone.
LSATs, law school applications, waiting for replies, deep dark troubles with Anne, finishing the thesis, nailing requirements, saying goodbye to Trinity, then getting graduation over with. All the things that kept me up at night, that ate at my brain and made my heart beat like a humming bird while I laid motionless in bed; all of them gone, and my body was happy and rewarded me.
But still it never goes away completely. Tiny vessels of pain still linger, dripping into little pools that hurt. People special to me are still far away, or will soon be far away. One special person whom I locked eyes with for one night straight hasn't been talking to me. Another acted dreadfully, and left a stain of dread on me, and I'm afraid of trying to talk to her. And there are other characters, tiny vessels, like I said. For now I'll try to focus on the sun and the paper and the ink.
I'm off to the British Isles tomorrow. Look forward to rolling green hills and winding, cobblestone streets. Come along with me.