I broke the bad habits too
Golly, am I out of practice.
I was sad to learn yesterday that Mack Strong has sustained a career ending injury. In an interview he says that he is actually a bit grateful to be prodded into retirement, what a great attitude! This Seahawk fan wishes him well and will miss him out on the field. Reminded of the pure suckiness of football injuries, I'm reconsidering the "Throw Rocky On 'Em" tattoo.
I love football season.
I haven't made a real post on here in ages, largely because I have been poor company to keep. I'm that person who has one sad story after another, with just enough really great days thrown in to convince anyone I'm whacked. For that sake, I'll be brief.
It's really been 2 years or so since I've posted regularly, I think. Around that time I quit smoking and sitting at my computer drove me nuts for a time. It was the beginning of the journalling end. I am happy to say that Scott and I are still non-smokers and very comfortable about it.
When I was comfortable and out of craving range, I sold my soul to a MMORPG, which still has partial claim. I have real life friends who call me nothing but Jade and I sometimes forget to notice how odd that is.
Last summer, my sister and I took a trip to Hawaii for her 40th birthday. What a beautiful place! I'd go back for the delicious papaya alone. I've got lots of photos but total crap for photo software. My camera takes gianormous photos and the only way I have to edit their size is in paint. If anyone knows of a cheap resizing program, please holler.
I almost drowned on Waikiki Beach. Seriously, I swear I only got back to shore because I was determined not to ruin my sister's vacation. See, there is this walled portion of beach and I was swimming out to the wall. It didn't seem too risky, there were people sitting on the wall but every now and then a wave would crest over. I was just about to reach it and looked up in time to see a wave in a perfect curl a couple of feet above me. It shoved me with this amazing weight down, flipped me so I had no idea what way was up. It was black, bottomless salt water. My hair was yanked out of its tie and covered my face and water was way up in my sinuses. I felt calm though and eventually I popped up and swam back to shore. I was so exhausted. Pam and I swam around a few minutes in the shoulder deep area and then headed back to our room. While I showered this water started literally flowing out of my nose. It was bizarre. Pam was concerned when she saw me disappear until I came back up, but I know I got lucky.
The rest of the trip was amazing. Oddly, one of my favorite times there was when we locked the keys of the rental car in the trunk while we were up on Haleakala. Try as we might we could find no way to penetrate the trunk of a convertible with the top down. It cost us a lot of bucks to have a locksmith rescue us but the ride down sitting on a wheeled office chair in the back of a work van was something I'll never forget. Wheee!
Soon after I got back, my feline friend of 16 years, Sabbatha, was killed by a coyote. I felt so much like I let her down, such a senior cat to meet such a tragic end, like tripping at the finish line. Still, she herself was a fierce hunter and we would often find a half of a mouse here and there. Though I'm sure she didn't appreciate it at the time, I think that she, maybe, was okay with being a part of the food chain in the end.
Unfortunately, the badness must continue for just a bit more, getting a little worse. Hopefully, it will soon cease and give me time to adapt to the changes.
In September of last year, my Mom went to the hospital with chest pain. She was having a heart attack and they transferred her to the hospital a few blocks from my home. She called me from her cell phone as they were putting her in the ambulance completely terrified and hysterical. I called my sister and we were there waiting when they brought her into the ER, we waved and I know she saw us there. They intubated her for testing and she had told me how scared she was to be intubated, but I saw her shaking signature scrawled on the papers later. She must have been so scared. :(
They left her like that for two weeks while discussing whether or not she was a candidate for bypass, double, triple, experimental stent bypass - everything was plugged up. They wanted to get her off the respirator each day saying her chance of infection was going up, that her lungs might never heal from the tubes. They pulled her off after 2 weeks and she was amazing. I sat by her hours every day begging her to breathe. And she did.
Twice during her last days she told me that she saw my daughter, long deceased. I told her that I was jealous. She asked me why we had so many troubles the last few years and she was so sad about it. She seemed so very distant, like she was barely here. On Halloween, Jordan and I visited her for just a few minutes before I took him out with some of his friends. She told us that she loved us and that she was proud of Jordan for being such a good boy. We stayed just a few minutes, and passed my stepdad on our way out. He was passing out candy to all of the nurses and staff.
November 1st, we got the call to get up to the hospital now and I was flying around getting dressed and just stopped and cried. I knew she was gone. I'm only a few blocks from the hospital so I got there first and had the terrible task of telling my family as they arrived. I miss her.
A couple of days after her service, I started having pain by my navel, something very odd. I told Scott I'd watch it and by the next day it had moved to the lower right. I went to see my doctor and she sent me for a catscan. Sure enough it was appendicitis and I was in ER waiting for an apendectomy. You can imagine how well that sat with me days after my Mom's passing.
My surgery went very well, except that I was unable to pee and they sent me home with a catheter for 3 days, what fun that was.
Are you hoping I wait 2 more years to post again? I hope not. I'm STILL an optimist. Maybe more than ever.
At Christmas time, Scott let me pursue a new cat friend. I was missing both my Mom and Sabbatha terribly. Sabbatha and I shared a special bond for cat and pal. I got her when I was 19, we grew together from boisterous giggling girls into wiser old gals who just want a nice nap in a sunbeam. I spotted a promising feline on Craigslist, the gift recipient was allergic to "Frosty" (renamed to spare him the fate of such a festive name). I sent off an email and got back the answer that I was picked from a hundred requests!
It was love at first sight. I named him Lofa after Lofa Tatupu, the Seahawks middle linebacker. He's just an awesome cat. He was the most kittenist (pardon word creation) kitten I've ever had, super playful (i.e. kept us up all night), very friendly and sweet. he's the most well rounded cat I've ever had, just an awesome guy. The mice have yet to brave our house after Sabbatha's reign of terror, but Lofa is great at stalking the giant spiders that have invaded this fall, (I shudder, catch and release).
Lofa had "kennel cough" soon after he arrived in our home. We brought him into the vet and he was put on antibiotics, but not before my other cat Burbon caught the bug AND fell out of the window and hurt his leg. For a month it was pills and eyedrops, and get the cat off of the windowsill before he falls again. I have pictures of Squinty and Pegleg, maybe I can get them posted sometime.
Both of them are quite healthy now, except Burbon has a terrible flea allergy that leaves him a sweet but crusty cat.
In the spring, my stepdad decided to sell the family home. We wondered where my brother Adam, the basement dwelling 40-something meth user would go, but decided he would have to grow up. My sister and I encouraged Ed, my stepdad, to sell and buy a smaller home. Adam would simply have to grow up and face the consequences of his actions, the family decided.
Adam has had just rotten luck in life. Some of you may remember that his longtime partner passed away unexpectedly two years back. Maybe it is being born on Friday the 13th, but more likely it is poor life choices.
Not long after Ed sold the house to an investment group. Adam went into the doctor for back pain. He was admitted, ironically, the day his MRI came back- he has stage 4 lung cancer. So suddenly, my brother who has been needing to get his crap together is suffering from an incurable illness that will eventually kill him and is homeless to boot. He hasn't had a job, a plan, a path- for 20 years. His new girlfriend is twice the meth-head crack whore he ever was and now what are we to do with him?
By the time Adam went to the hospital, his pain was unbearable. His cancer has spread to his bones, mostly around his hips and spine. Because he is a drug user, they have had to put him on INSANE amounts of medication to keep the pain down. The nerves that most meds would affect to block pain have been interfered with by meth.
Adam came to live with us for awhile. One day he was having breathing problems and I ran to his medicine bag to get his inhaler, and he had needles in it. Even Jordan would have gone to his bag to help him. We told him he could not bring drugs into our home, outside of his medicinal marijuana, and that had to be outside. I no longer inhale anything, my lungs are my healing babies, but I know that it helps him with his chemo side effects.
I could have overlooked Adam's needles, except that it was a risk to my linage. I simply cannot stand by and allow Jordan to be exposed to something I so very much oppose. A tiny poke and you are off being tested for years, the chance of viruses that can ruin your life. It was not okay. Adam had to go.
That hurt.
Am I letting my Mom down?
Or did she let us down?
It's just Adam's choice, isn't it?
This summer, just before we told Adam he couldn't stay with us anymore, we went out for a walk. Scott, Jordan and I were coming across a parking lot near our house when Scott stopped. I paused and heard what he did, a tiny meow.
We live right by a plant nursery that is well known to take in and feed the local strays. This little gal was so black that she seemed to absorb light. I picked her up and we brought her home. She's Scott's cat for sure. She follows him around and waits for him to return home from work. We named her Sihlouette because that's all she is in front of a wall or window. We placed ads and had a few responses, but not from her people so we've got another cat. She's a sassy gal, all of 3 pounds and whips the boys into place.
Not long after Silly came to us, and before Adam left, Scott's dad got out of jail and came to live with us.
Oh
My
....
Will we ever just be us?
I like Irv, I really do, but wow. I miss privacy.
I have more to say but my brief had become very long. If you stayed this long, thank you for listening. I have more to tell. In ending this evening, Adam had gotten his first really positive result from chemo this past week, (shrinkage!). I go to his appointments even though he can't live with us.
Goodnight.
I was sad to learn yesterday that Mack Strong has sustained a career ending injury. In an interview he says that he is actually a bit grateful to be prodded into retirement, what a great attitude! This Seahawk fan wishes him well and will miss him out on the field. Reminded of the pure suckiness of football injuries, I'm reconsidering the "Throw Rocky On 'Em" tattoo.
I love football season.
I haven't made a real post on here in ages, largely because I have been poor company to keep. I'm that person who has one sad story after another, with just enough really great days thrown in to convince anyone I'm whacked. For that sake, I'll be brief.
It's really been 2 years or so since I've posted regularly, I think. Around that time I quit smoking and sitting at my computer drove me nuts for a time. It was the beginning of the journalling end. I am happy to say that Scott and I are still non-smokers and very comfortable about it.
When I was comfortable and out of craving range, I sold my soul to a MMORPG, which still has partial claim. I have real life friends who call me nothing but Jade and I sometimes forget to notice how odd that is.
Last summer, my sister and I took a trip to Hawaii for her 40th birthday. What a beautiful place! I'd go back for the delicious papaya alone. I've got lots of photos but total crap for photo software. My camera takes gianormous photos and the only way I have to edit their size is in paint. If anyone knows of a cheap resizing program, please holler.
I almost drowned on Waikiki Beach. Seriously, I swear I only got back to shore because I was determined not to ruin my sister's vacation. See, there is this walled portion of beach and I was swimming out to the wall. It didn't seem too risky, there were people sitting on the wall but every now and then a wave would crest over. I was just about to reach it and looked up in time to see a wave in a perfect curl a couple of feet above me. It shoved me with this amazing weight down, flipped me so I had no idea what way was up. It was black, bottomless salt water. My hair was yanked out of its tie and covered my face and water was way up in my sinuses. I felt calm though and eventually I popped up and swam back to shore. I was so exhausted. Pam and I swam around a few minutes in the shoulder deep area and then headed back to our room. While I showered this water started literally flowing out of my nose. It was bizarre. Pam was concerned when she saw me disappear until I came back up, but I know I got lucky.
The rest of the trip was amazing. Oddly, one of my favorite times there was when we locked the keys of the rental car in the trunk while we were up on Haleakala. Try as we might we could find no way to penetrate the trunk of a convertible with the top down. It cost us a lot of bucks to have a locksmith rescue us but the ride down sitting on a wheeled office chair in the back of a work van was something I'll never forget. Wheee!
Soon after I got back, my feline friend of 16 years, Sabbatha, was killed by a coyote. I felt so much like I let her down, such a senior cat to meet such a tragic end, like tripping at the finish line. Still, she herself was a fierce hunter and we would often find a half of a mouse here and there. Though I'm sure she didn't appreciate it at the time, I think that she, maybe, was okay with being a part of the food chain in the end.
Unfortunately, the badness must continue for just a bit more, getting a little worse. Hopefully, it will soon cease and give me time to adapt to the changes.
In September of last year, my Mom went to the hospital with chest pain. She was having a heart attack and they transferred her to the hospital a few blocks from my home. She called me from her cell phone as they were putting her in the ambulance completely terrified and hysterical. I called my sister and we were there waiting when they brought her into the ER, we waved and I know she saw us there. They intubated her for testing and she had told me how scared she was to be intubated, but I saw her shaking signature scrawled on the papers later. She must have been so scared. :(
They left her like that for two weeks while discussing whether or not she was a candidate for bypass, double, triple, experimental stent bypass - everything was plugged up. They wanted to get her off the respirator each day saying her chance of infection was going up, that her lungs might never heal from the tubes. They pulled her off after 2 weeks and she was amazing. I sat by her hours every day begging her to breathe. And she did.
Twice during her last days she told me that she saw my daughter, long deceased. I told her that I was jealous. She asked me why we had so many troubles the last few years and she was so sad about it. She seemed so very distant, like she was barely here. On Halloween, Jordan and I visited her for just a few minutes before I took him out with some of his friends. She told us that she loved us and that she was proud of Jordan for being such a good boy. We stayed just a few minutes, and passed my stepdad on our way out. He was passing out candy to all of the nurses and staff.
November 1st, we got the call to get up to the hospital now and I was flying around getting dressed and just stopped and cried. I knew she was gone. I'm only a few blocks from the hospital so I got there first and had the terrible task of telling my family as they arrived. I miss her.
A couple of days after her service, I started having pain by my navel, something very odd. I told Scott I'd watch it and by the next day it had moved to the lower right. I went to see my doctor and she sent me for a catscan. Sure enough it was appendicitis and I was in ER waiting for an apendectomy. You can imagine how well that sat with me days after my Mom's passing.
My surgery went very well, except that I was unable to pee and they sent me home with a catheter for 3 days, what fun that was.
Are you hoping I wait 2 more years to post again? I hope not. I'm STILL an optimist. Maybe more than ever.
At Christmas time, Scott let me pursue a new cat friend. I was missing both my Mom and Sabbatha terribly. Sabbatha and I shared a special bond for cat and pal. I got her when I was 19, we grew together from boisterous giggling girls into wiser old gals who just want a nice nap in a sunbeam. I spotted a promising feline on Craigslist, the gift recipient was allergic to "Frosty" (renamed to spare him the fate of such a festive name). I sent off an email and got back the answer that I was picked from a hundred requests!
It was love at first sight. I named him Lofa after Lofa Tatupu, the Seahawks middle linebacker. He's just an awesome cat. He was the most kittenist (pardon word creation) kitten I've ever had, super playful (i.e. kept us up all night), very friendly and sweet. he's the most well rounded cat I've ever had, just an awesome guy. The mice have yet to brave our house after Sabbatha's reign of terror, but Lofa is great at stalking the giant spiders that have invaded this fall, (I shudder, catch and release).
Lofa had "kennel cough" soon after he arrived in our home. We brought him into the vet and he was put on antibiotics, but not before my other cat Burbon caught the bug AND fell out of the window and hurt his leg. For a month it was pills and eyedrops, and get the cat off of the windowsill before he falls again. I have pictures of Squinty and Pegleg, maybe I can get them posted sometime.
Both of them are quite healthy now, except Burbon has a terrible flea allergy that leaves him a sweet but crusty cat.
In the spring, my stepdad decided to sell the family home. We wondered where my brother Adam, the basement dwelling 40-something meth user would go, but decided he would have to grow up. My sister and I encouraged Ed, my stepdad, to sell and buy a smaller home. Adam would simply have to grow up and face the consequences of his actions, the family decided.
Adam has had just rotten luck in life. Some of you may remember that his longtime partner passed away unexpectedly two years back. Maybe it is being born on Friday the 13th, but more likely it is poor life choices.
Not long after Ed sold the house to an investment group. Adam went into the doctor for back pain. He was admitted, ironically, the day his MRI came back- he has stage 4 lung cancer. So suddenly, my brother who has been needing to get his crap together is suffering from an incurable illness that will eventually kill him and is homeless to boot. He hasn't had a job, a plan, a path- for 20 years. His new girlfriend is twice the meth-head crack whore he ever was and now what are we to do with him?
By the time Adam went to the hospital, his pain was unbearable. His cancer has spread to his bones, mostly around his hips and spine. Because he is a drug user, they have had to put him on INSANE amounts of medication to keep the pain down. The nerves that most meds would affect to block pain have been interfered with by meth.
Adam came to live with us for awhile. One day he was having breathing problems and I ran to his medicine bag to get his inhaler, and he had needles in it. Even Jordan would have gone to his bag to help him. We told him he could not bring drugs into our home, outside of his medicinal marijuana, and that had to be outside. I no longer inhale anything, my lungs are my healing babies, but I know that it helps him with his chemo side effects.
I could have overlooked Adam's needles, except that it was a risk to my linage. I simply cannot stand by and allow Jordan to be exposed to something I so very much oppose. A tiny poke and you are off being tested for years, the chance of viruses that can ruin your life. It was not okay. Adam had to go.
That hurt.
Am I letting my Mom down?
Or did she let us down?
It's just Adam's choice, isn't it?
This summer, just before we told Adam he couldn't stay with us anymore, we went out for a walk. Scott, Jordan and I were coming across a parking lot near our house when Scott stopped. I paused and heard what he did, a tiny meow.
We live right by a plant nursery that is well known to take in and feed the local strays. This little gal was so black that she seemed to absorb light. I picked her up and we brought her home. She's Scott's cat for sure. She follows him around and waits for him to return home from work. We named her Sihlouette because that's all she is in front of a wall or window. We placed ads and had a few responses, but not from her people so we've got another cat. She's a sassy gal, all of 3 pounds and whips the boys into place.
Not long after Silly came to us, and before Adam left, Scott's dad got out of jail and came to live with us.
Oh
My
....
Will we ever just be us?
I like Irv, I really do, but wow. I miss privacy.
I have more to say but my brief had become very long. If you stayed this long, thank you for listening. I have more to tell. In ending this evening, Adam had gotten his first really positive result from chemo this past week, (shrinkage!). I go to his appointments even though he can't live with us.
Goodnight.