Shock...
When it happens a third time, you just essentially feel numb. It's a state of shock that doesn't quite fit with all the others. You think you're home free, that really the whole situation is done, you just have little maintainence moments to maintain. Then it hits you that it's not over, it's never over. Today, I found out that my Dad's brain tumor, yet again, may be back. It may just be radiation damage, which is what they determined the last blip on the MRI was... This time it looks different though. So, my dad will be off to Denver for another test. While I am here, trying to live the way that I always have. But the sadness in me prevails. I asked my Mom why she didn't tell me three days ago when they found out, and she said because that was three more days where I could be happy. I sort of understand. But now, here I am, at work for my Dad, and I can't escape. I can't go hide in my little hole and cry for a while. I have to be strong Heather again, hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. This cycle thing sucks.