(no subject)
Life is special. The perceptions of people are incredible to look at. The opinions of other people come in to play whenever we meet and hang out with new people. It all depends on who you ask, what impression you get of someone. No, I'm not referring to specific current events, I'm just thinking about this in general. That's the interesting thing about me I think. I look too much into the psychological aspects of who people are and why they are who they are. That's probably why I give people who are generally looked upon as bad in some way, I end up liking anyway. Even if it does hurt me in the end. Take Keith for example, he has hurt me multiple times and yet I attribute the way he acts to past events, and then that is the reasoning happened. Yes it still hurts, but I can't blame him because he acts this way because he is who he is due to not only personality, but the effects of events on that personality. Hopefully that actually just made some sort of sense because I know it doesn't seem like it did, even to me. I'm just letting fall on the the page what I am thinking. Free writing can be interesting because you don't even really know what you are thinking have the time. Just what ends up coming out onto the page. Who are we? I came to the conclusion that when I'm comfortable in a situation, people in that situation like me, and I don't have any residual crap that comes up in my head. Unfortunately, because I have looked at myself for a long time as someone that no one will like, that I'm flawed to the point of no return, and my self-esteem sucks to high heaven, I almost never feel comfortable in a situation and end up making people dislike me. Last night was interesting but anything that I was feeling about those events came from things about myself, not those events specifically. I decided to look pretty today. Dress in a way I know will make me look good. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know, all I know is that when I feel I look pretty, I gain some sort of confidence and life can move on in a more organized, happier fashion. Not everyone will like me, that's true. But it's those people who could like me for me but don't due to my nervousness is what bothers me. Time to work on that.