rollercoaster (!!)
Oh, the last week has been frenetically up and down. November is such a bipolar month. Dissolving into tears at the slightest thing one minute and then upupup!! the next. Saw Nana on Wednesday - she's looking terribly frail, like if you touched her she might snap, all bones and paper-thin skin on a body that used to be snuggly and buxom and full of hugs at Christmas. Grandad was charming, a real gentleman with his white hair and precise military British accent, and he cooked for us although Nana couldn't eat a bite, and finished her sentences when she didn't have the strength to. I'd cried myself to sleep the night before, real hysterical uncontrollable sobs at the thought that I'd ever given up a chance to see them, and now all the time in the world wasn't enough. Then I was fragile as well on Wednesday night, buffeted by tears and confusion, getting into fights with my friends and leaving them in the street rather than go out drinking, melodramatic as always. Awoke on Thursday still drained but the sun was out, making every remaining autumn leaf luminous, and suddenly it wasn't so bad, you know. Raindrops jewelling everything in sight. I re-watched Some Like It Hot twice just for the sake of the best line ever delivered by Monroe; "oh, it was suicidally beautiful!"
I've been making things again and I feel grounded for the first time in weeks, coming back to it after so long, photoshop and all of that again. I have bits and pieces all ready for uploading but I'm not sure whether to do it all at once, or as it comes. Anyway there's something new at the domain, not much more than an index page right now but I made a new layout for my guestbook and I'm liking it all, I feel like I'm on to something.
One and a half weeks! Roll on Christmas.
...number of people on my lj friends list: 101
...whom I've met in person: 19 - alastores, alwayscrashing, avisandum, calnen, culturedgoat, deathstar42, doris, facsimile, faith_rayne, ladybirdintheuk, latristesse, nevica, si1entdave, sidheblood, spacecat, strangechild, strawpig, zerozero, xtasca
...whom I've met in person more than once: 11 - alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, deathstar42, doris, latristesse, si1entdave, sidheblood, strangechild, zerozero, xtasca
...whose house I've been to: 5 - alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, latristesse, xtasca
...who've been to my house: 8 - alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, latristesse, si1entdave, sidheblood, strangechild, xtasca
...whose full names I know offhand: I was going to write the actual names here but realised I could annoy some people ... so:
(inc middle names) 7 - latristesse, xtasca, alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, si1entdave, sidheblood
(not inc middle names) 15 - wednesdayschild, zerozero, vendelay, ijustdied, aphroditis, nepasavaler, swirling, sopretty, passionetta, oatmeal, paigepoe, lipstickglove, culturedgoat, tohereknowswhen, deathstar42
...whom I've followed/been in touch with for more than 3 years: well, I've only been on lj for a year and a bit myself ... IRL though (or elsewhere online) 6 - alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, sidheblood, si1entdave, xtasca
...whose journal I consider myself "addicted" to: It goes through phases ... but pretty much always latristesse, nevica and letra
...who I've lived with: 2 - latristesse, calnen
...who I've shared a bed with: 5 - latristesse, calnen, alwayscrashing, alastores, xtasca, and I'm trying to remember who I shared with at Patrick's party - was that you, Chris?
...who I've talked to on the phone: 12 - latristesse, calnen, alwayscrashing, alastores, zerozero, wednesdayschild, si1entdave, sidheblood, deathstar42, aestheticdebris (momentarily), strangechild, xtasca
...who I've written to: 6 - latristesse, zerozero, passionetta, nevica, vendelay, alastores
...who have written to me: 8 - letra, latristesse, blacksweater, nepasavaler, vendelay, ijustdied, zerozero, strangechild (I owe a lot of letters right now)
...who I've kissed: 11 (I'll keep this quiet)
...who I'd have sex with: hmmmmm
I know I've missed a lot of people out - don't be offended, I'm sleep-deprived. Love you all though. ♥
I've been making things again and I feel grounded for the first time in weeks, coming back to it after so long, photoshop and all of that again. I have bits and pieces all ready for uploading but I'm not sure whether to do it all at once, or as it comes. Anyway there's something new at the domain, not much more than an index page right now but I made a new layout for my guestbook and I'm liking it all, I feel like I'm on to something.
One and a half weeks! Roll on Christmas.
...number of people on my lj friends list: 101
...whom I've met in person: 19 - alastores, alwayscrashing, avisandum, calnen, culturedgoat, deathstar42, doris, facsimile, faith_rayne, ladybirdintheuk, latristesse, nevica, si1entdave, sidheblood, spacecat, strangechild, strawpig, zerozero, xtasca
...whom I've met in person more than once: 11 - alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, deathstar42, doris, latristesse, si1entdave, sidheblood, strangechild, zerozero, xtasca
...whose house I've been to: 5 - alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, latristesse, xtasca
...who've been to my house: 8 - alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, latristesse, si1entdave, sidheblood, strangechild, xtasca
...whose full names I know offhand: I was going to write the actual names here but realised I could annoy some people ... so:
(inc middle names) 7 - latristesse, xtasca, alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, si1entdave, sidheblood
(not inc middle names) 15 - wednesdayschild, zerozero, vendelay, ijustdied, aphroditis, nepasavaler, swirling, sopretty, passionetta, oatmeal, paigepoe, lipstickglove, culturedgoat, tohereknowswhen, deathstar42
...whom I've followed/been in touch with for more than 3 years: well, I've only been on lj for a year and a bit myself ... IRL though (or elsewhere online) 6 - alastores, alwayscrashing, calnen, sidheblood, si1entdave, xtasca
...whose journal I consider myself "addicted" to: It goes through phases ... but pretty much always latristesse, nevica and letra
...who I've lived with: 2 - latristesse, calnen
...who I've shared a bed with: 5 - latristesse, calnen, alwayscrashing, alastores, xtasca, and I'm trying to remember who I shared with at Patrick's party - was that you, Chris?
...who I've talked to on the phone: 12 - latristesse, calnen, alwayscrashing, alastores, zerozero, wednesdayschild, si1entdave, sidheblood, deathstar42, aestheticdebris (momentarily), strangechild, xtasca
...who I've written to: 6 - latristesse, zerozero, passionetta, nevica, vendelay, alastores
...who have written to me: 8 - letra, latristesse, blacksweater, nepasavaler, vendelay, ijustdied, zerozero, strangechild (I owe a lot of letters right now)
...who I've kissed: 11 (I'll keep this quiet)
...who I'd have sex with: hmmmmm
I know I've missed a lot of people out - don't be offended, I'm sleep-deprived. Love you all though. ♥