lots of back and forth
I left for home convinced that I should withdraw from my program and try to get into a ph.d. program at home. After an incredibly positive meeting with my advisors, I've gone back and forth about what I should do. Some days I've been totally convinced I should stay, other days I've been convinced I should leave in January. First off, my advisors told me there's not really as big a conflict as I thought between finishing my degree in January and expanding that into a ph.d. in the US. I'd have to re-write it, but could still use all my information, and I'd probably want to re-write it anyway. I've absolutely worked my ass off this year, and it turns out I've done 1/2 a ph.d. since January. My professors, who were initially very hesitant, are now enthusiastic about my research and happy to supervise me for ph.d., should I decide to do that. I could potentially finish in only one more year. My bf thinks one year would be the way to go. He also thinks that if it would only take one more year, it's a better idea to keep things long-distance, rather than to quit his job and move here.
So that picture has definitely changed. On the other hand, I'm taking out massive student loans to stay here. Even one year would be $60,000 more, and two years would be at least $120,000 more. When I came here, I owed $30,000 in student loans, so one year is twice the whole amount I owed. That is a LOT. Add to that the fact that as a ph.d. candidate in the US, I wouldn't have to pay ANY tuition, and would be given a stipend for living expenses on top of that. Chris wouldn't have to leave his job behind and start all over again afterwards. We also wouldn't have to put our relationship on hold and keep things long-distance for another 1-2 years. But it would take several more years to finish a degree in the US.
I don't want to put my personal life on hold any longer, I want to get to seriously working on it, and it would be really nice to be able to do that at a more relaxed pace, with pre-marital counseling as we'd planned, as opposed to having to have a rushed marriage while I'm on vacation, then try to work out our differences in another country.
For the past week, I've leaned towards the idea of staying here, but my thoughts have shifted. It would give me more time to complete my work at a more relaxed pace, rather than rushing to finish it in 5 weeks, though if I want to finish in a year, it would be another year of busting my ass. But $60,000+ extra debt (best case scenario), as opposed to $15,000 a year stipend, seems huge. It would clearly be a better decision, from a financial standpoint, to take the second option. Chris could transfer within his company, instead of abandoning every gain he has made there the past 2 1/2 years to come here.
The final piece, for me, was the realization that a US university could afford me such better contacts and employment opportunities, since I do ultimately want to go back home. We're exposed to wonderful contacts and opportunities here, for sure, but they're all targeted towards a career in Britain or Europe. Since I'd rather live in my own country, it's a much better decision, career-wise, to go back there. If I attend a university that published one of the historical journals, I'd have a good chance of getting on their staff, since many of them hire from their pool of graduate students. I'd love an editing position, and could really rock that. Even if I worked at home, I'd most likely look for some sort of editing position. And even if my university isn't one affiliated with one of the journals or magazines, I'd have more exposure to people who work in those circles.
If I get a ph.d. here, I'll go home $60,000 - $120,000 more in debt, with only a degree and lots of contacts in Britain, but none in the US. If I go to a US university, it'll take longer, but it would be sorta like having a guaranteed job all those years while also being able to study for free, make valuable contacts, and have exposure to more pertinent opportunities....not to mention it would be so much easier in my personal life. I could have my cats without having to fly them across the ocean. We could be in an area near one or both of our families. Chris wouldn't have to disrupt his life much, other than moving to another state with a guaranteed job, which he is itching to do anyway.
I've found a really good program at the University of Texas in Arlington, which would be near members of his family and many of my good friends. It would be a 3 hour drive from his family in Oklahoma. Six hours from my family, but that's still much closer than across the Atlantic. There's also a good program at the University of Arkansas, right where my parents are, but I wouldn't be able to get into that for a couple more years, because their application deadline was Dec. 1. I've spoken with professors in both places who are interested and think my topic would be a good fit with their program. I want to apply to both and see what happens. The idea of taking a small break to work on my personal life isn't a bad one anyway. If I get into UT I would have a break of several months, or the other would give me about a year and a half. I hated the idea of taking so much longer to finish, but when I look at it more in the way I set out above - as guaranteed income while I study something I'm interested in, as opposed to coming home with no resources and a ton more debt - I feel much better about it.
So that picture has definitely changed. On the other hand, I'm taking out massive student loans to stay here. Even one year would be $60,000 more, and two years would be at least $120,000 more. When I came here, I owed $30,000 in student loans, so one year is twice the whole amount I owed. That is a LOT. Add to that the fact that as a ph.d. candidate in the US, I wouldn't have to pay ANY tuition, and would be given a stipend for living expenses on top of that. Chris wouldn't have to leave his job behind and start all over again afterwards. We also wouldn't have to put our relationship on hold and keep things long-distance for another 1-2 years. But it would take several more years to finish a degree in the US.
I don't want to put my personal life on hold any longer, I want to get to seriously working on it, and it would be really nice to be able to do that at a more relaxed pace, with pre-marital counseling as we'd planned, as opposed to having to have a rushed marriage while I'm on vacation, then try to work out our differences in another country.
For the past week, I've leaned towards the idea of staying here, but my thoughts have shifted. It would give me more time to complete my work at a more relaxed pace, rather than rushing to finish it in 5 weeks, though if I want to finish in a year, it would be another year of busting my ass. But $60,000+ extra debt (best case scenario), as opposed to $15,000 a year stipend, seems huge. It would clearly be a better decision, from a financial standpoint, to take the second option. Chris could transfer within his company, instead of abandoning every gain he has made there the past 2 1/2 years to come here.
The final piece, for me, was the realization that a US university could afford me such better contacts and employment opportunities, since I do ultimately want to go back home. We're exposed to wonderful contacts and opportunities here, for sure, but they're all targeted towards a career in Britain or Europe. Since I'd rather live in my own country, it's a much better decision, career-wise, to go back there. If I attend a university that published one of the historical journals, I'd have a good chance of getting on their staff, since many of them hire from their pool of graduate students. I'd love an editing position, and could really rock that. Even if I worked at home, I'd most likely look for some sort of editing position. And even if my university isn't one affiliated with one of the journals or magazines, I'd have more exposure to people who work in those circles.
If I get a ph.d. here, I'll go home $60,000 - $120,000 more in debt, with only a degree and lots of contacts in Britain, but none in the US. If I go to a US university, it'll take longer, but it would be sorta like having a guaranteed job all those years while also being able to study for free, make valuable contacts, and have exposure to more pertinent opportunities....not to mention it would be so much easier in my personal life. I could have my cats without having to fly them across the ocean. We could be in an area near one or both of our families. Chris wouldn't have to disrupt his life much, other than moving to another state with a guaranteed job, which he is itching to do anyway.
I've found a really good program at the University of Texas in Arlington, which would be near members of his family and many of my good friends. It would be a 3 hour drive from his family in Oklahoma. Six hours from my family, but that's still much closer than across the Atlantic. There's also a good program at the University of Arkansas, right where my parents are, but I wouldn't be able to get into that for a couple more years, because their application deadline was Dec. 1. I've spoken with professors in both places who are interested and think my topic would be a good fit with their program. I want to apply to both and see what happens. The idea of taking a small break to work on my personal life isn't a bad one anyway. If I get into UT I would have a break of several months, or the other would give me about a year and a half. I hated the idea of taking so much longer to finish, but when I look at it more in the way I set out above - as guaranteed income while I study something I'm interested in, as opposed to coming home with no resources and a ton more debt - I feel much better about it.