Maybe I'm on nobody's side
Title: Nobody's Side 
Rating: PG-13, it'll def go up in coming chapters.
Pairing: Alex/Boone
Word Count: 2182
Summary: After she leaves him the first time, she spends half an hour crying in the bathroom.
Warnings/AN: AU! *gasp* Boone survived the beech craft accident and he is taken to Hydra Island with Jack, Kate and Sawyer.
( Part 1 here)
Having evaluated the results of the previous part, I am continuing.
After she leaves him the first time, she spends half an hour crying in the bathroom.
She feels more sympathy for him than she wants to admit. But the infuriating truth is that she can hardly bear to see him so broken and that for a while after she’s left, his words still sting. She is just as trapped as he is. Except she knows he has much more hope than she has ever had and the fact that it dies with his imprisonment disarms her.
She feels so much more like him than she feels like her father and their people and it makes her feel guilty and cornered. She doesn’t want to like him, but she feels he’s more of a kindred soul than she’s ever had. More than Karl and the thought of that mortifies her. Especially because a kindred soul is way more than Alex can allow herself to have right now, when she’s convinced herself that feeling alone is all she has. Her loneliness feeds her anger, her hate. Loneliness has become her motivation, and she’s afraid if she loses it, she will lose all her rules and plans with it.
She doesn’t want to be Juliet. She sees her sympathizing for Jack, feeling like he understands her, being nicer to him and feeling hope because of it. Alex almost hates her for it, she wants to remind her that she’s been on that island for almost 20 years and nothing about it has changed or ever will.
She has tried for too long to come to terms with the idea of staying trapped in that island to allow Boone or Jack or Juliet to give her hope that she will ever leave. It isn’t happening and the sooner everyone accepts it, the better.
That’s why the next day she has to tell herself she’s only helping Juliet make their lunch because the poor thing can’t cook to save her life, even though she barely speaks to Juliet these days because the idea that she keeps things from her hurts her more than she wants to admit. But the truth is that of all the people she expected to lie to her by omission, Juliet was the last on her list. She cooks in silence even though Juliet is standing next to her the entire time. She only speaks to tell her that the only reason she’ll take the food to him is because Tom is busy. Juliet doesn’t ask about the blanket she puts in the bag and Alex is glad she doesn’t because that’s the thing she doesn’t try to find an explanation for.
The moment she crosses the door he’s tense. He sits up quickly, his eyes very wide and his mouth very tight as he watches her move across the room and lay the food down on the small table. She lays down the bag she carries on the floor next to it before sitting in front of him. All the time she is dreadfully conscious of how his eyes follow her and his silence makes her uncomfortable so she attempts to break it. She forces a small smile for him and speaks.
“It’s chicken salad!” she says. She waits for a reply but he looks at her, his eyes on her but he doesn’t say anything. She looks down and unconsciously tucks her hair behind her ear. “Boone, I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m sure you get bored here alone and I bet you have a lot of questions but really, you are better off here,”
She looks back at him and opens her mouth but he interrupts her.
“Why?” he says. “What are you and I doing here that’s so much better than the alternative, Alex?”
“I...” She hesitates for a moment but then goes on. “I want to give you reasons to feel differently about us.”
“Is that why you’re being nice to me, bringing me lunch and blankets?”
She stays still for a second. She wishes she could snap at him like she does at anyone else, but whatever sympathy she has for him sneaks up on her and she doesn’t.
“No. That’s just because I can.” She looks to her right at the closed door and speaks without looking at him. “Because, there really is no reason for you to be any more trapped than you already feel.” She turns to look at him, making her best effort to keep her expression neutral. “But if you want to move to a bear cage and be forced to work be my guest.”
Whether he trusts her or not, she can’t tell. The look on his eyes doesn’t change but he grabs the bottle of water and removes the cap to take a sip. A moment goes by in silence before he speaks again.
“Does the bear cage come with room service, too?” he says quietly but with a smile.
She chuckles.
“Only if you think of fish biscuits as room service,” she answers. He makes a confused face. “Don’t... ask,” she hurries to add.
She takes a deep breath and relaxes into the chair as he eats, wondering briefly about how wise it is to sit and watch him eat as opposed to leaving him alone. But when he starts up a conversation she stops dueling upon it.
“Are you the Dharma Initiative?” he asks as he takes a bite of the food. She smiles.
“No,” she answers. “That was a long time ago. Besides, it really doesn’t matter who any of us were, right?” He pauses from eating to look at her and the second their eyes meet she has to remind herself to breathe. “It matters who we are,” she finishes in a whisper.
She always thought he was ridiculously good looking, but as she looks at him she realizes the pictures on his file don’t do him justice. Everything about the way he looks is positively distracting. His cheeks’ natural blush, the strong angular chin, the bright blue on his eyes and his big, thick eyebrows. His hair, messy and dense, colored light brown from the sun. Even the stubble he’s grown in the last 4 days is mildly distracting.
He grimaces and then goes back to his food.
“You say that as if you knew anything about me,” he says quietly.
She debates on whether or not to mention the 20 plus pages on his file upstairs, the one she keeps as bedside reading. She wants to tell him how she’s read about Theresa multiple times, how she read the massive section about Shannon and how she knows about his secret bank account and the money he gave to her boyfriends. About his college education and the work he did for his mother. But she keeps quiet and instead changes the topic.
“I was wondering if you’d like to take a shower,” she says motioning to the bag she carried over there. “There’d be warm water, soap, shampoo, a change of clothes and a towel.”
“What, here?” he asks in between bites. She laughs.
“Of course not here,” she says with a smile. “I would take you.” She pauses. “You’d have to promise not to try and escape, though,”
“What if I promise and try anyway?” he asks, raising one eyebrow. She smirks.
“Sure. Then you, Jack and Ford can exchange the stories of your failed escape attempts.”
“Wow, no Kate?” he asks, genuinely surprised.
“Not yet. But I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.” She sighs. “It’s really up to you. But if we go, please do prove to me that deep down you’re smarter than all of them, and don’t try anything stupid.”
He stays quiet for a moment then nods, his eyes on her. “Sure, deal,” he says.
“Good,” she replies with a small smile. “We’ll go when you’ve eaten.”
She relaxes back on the chair and only looks at him again when he speaks again.
“So, Alex,” he begins. “Why am I here, again? You know, any news about that?”
She takes a deep breath and doesn’t think much before she tells him the truth. She’s always been a terrible liar anyway.
“This is all I know,” she begins. “There’s something we need Jack to do for us. And in exchange for that, we’re offering you a way out of the island. All four of you.”
“What do you want him to do?” he asks, trying to look unaffected by what she’s already said.
“You missed the ‘this is all I know’ part, Boone,” she replies coldly. “That really is all I know.”
She looks away and he doesn’t speak again.
She's positive he doesn't believe her but she tells herself she's honestly stopped caring whether he does or not. She's not going to prove her intentions to him any more than she already is. She puts it down on her mental list of reasons why she shouldn't feel any sympathy for him.
When he's done eating he drinks the water bottle in silence and she stands up.
"Ready?" she asks. He looks at her for a moment before he too stands up. She feels a little intimidated by his height, cause even if he isn't too tall, she's a bit short and she has to look up at him to speak.
"Lead the way," he says.
"Grab the bag," she replies as she turns towards the door and opens it for him.
"Remember the not doing anything stupid part, please," she says.
"I will," he says as he meets her on the door. His expression has changed and he is serious, his eyes fixed on hers. She swallows, then he crosses the door and she closes it after them.
"Follow me,"
They only walk a few steps in silence before he speaks again.
"Is this a Dharma station too?" he asks.
"Yes," she answers, relieved he asks about Dharma. Immediately after she feels relief she is confused, briefly wondering if she was dreading him asking something else. Something she wouldn’t want to answer, or worse, something she would. She breathes. "It's called The Hydra. They used it for animal research, I think"
"You think?" he asks with a small smile.
"Well, I'm not positive it was the only thing they used it for," she answers. "But then again, I wasn't around much when they... well, retired." She bites her lip, hoping he won't focus on the retiring part of her sentence.
"How long have you been here, Alex?" he asks. No smile. He seems genuinely curious.
"19 years, almost 20. I was born here," She says. "My mother died when I was a baby and my father raised me here."
"Alex," he says quietly at the same time he stops walking. She turns to him, he's serious but relaxed when he speaks again. "Is there really a way out of this island?"
"Of course there is," she replies quickly but before she can go on he interrupts her.
"How do I know you're not lying to me? Because you see, I find that hard to believe." he continues. "If you can leave, why are you still here?"
"But that's really the question, isn't it?" She says with a smile. "Why are we here?"
He looks surprised for a moment, like he didn’t expect her answer. Her smile widens and she turns on her heels to keep walking, very pleased to notice that it takes him a moment to catch up with her. A few steps ahead, she opens a door for him.
“This way,” she says. “I’ll wait for you here, but take your time and-” she stops at the sound of her walkie going off
“Alex pick up, it’s Tom!” she hears. She pauses and grabs the walkie, Boone’s eyes on her the whole time.
“Yeah?”
“Are you with the Carlyle boy?” Tom asks, he is talking in a rush and his voice is worried.
“Yes,”
“Move away so he can’t hear you.”
She looks up at Boone and signals to the door.
“Go in, I’ll wait for you here like I said.” she says. He makes a face, like he wants to ask her what’s up and stay to hear what Tom is going to say, but he doesn’t say anything and just goes in.
“He’s gone, what is it?” she asks.
As soon as she’s closed the door and spoken into the walkie she sees them. Tom and Danny are carrying her and Juliet is looking over her, Ben is trying to talk them into something but all Alex’s eyes can stare at is is the unconscious body of Colleen on the stretcher.
“Step away, Alex!” Juliet yells and she pushes herself against the wall to make room for them to walk through the hallway. As they pass her, her eyes widen and she opens her mouth in shock, panic runs through her and she stops feeling her hands.
It takes her a moment to recover. She sees them walk past her and her mouth is still open.
That afternoon, Colleen dies and it changes everything.
( Part 3)
Rating: PG-13, it'll def go up in coming chapters.
Pairing: Alex/Boone
Word Count: 2182
Summary: After she leaves him the first time, she spends half an hour crying in the bathroom.
Warnings/AN: AU! *gasp* Boone survived the beech craft accident and he is taken to Hydra Island with Jack, Kate and Sawyer.
( Part 1 here)
Having evaluated the results of the previous part, I am continuing.
After she leaves him the first time, she spends half an hour crying in the bathroom.
She feels more sympathy for him than she wants to admit. But the infuriating truth is that she can hardly bear to see him so broken and that for a while after she’s left, his words still sting. She is just as trapped as he is. Except she knows he has much more hope than she has ever had and the fact that it dies with his imprisonment disarms her.
She feels so much more like him than she feels like her father and their people and it makes her feel guilty and cornered. She doesn’t want to like him, but she feels he’s more of a kindred soul than she’s ever had. More than Karl and the thought of that mortifies her. Especially because a kindred soul is way more than Alex can allow herself to have right now, when she’s convinced herself that feeling alone is all she has. Her loneliness feeds her anger, her hate. Loneliness has become her motivation, and she’s afraid if she loses it, she will lose all her rules and plans with it.
She doesn’t want to be Juliet. She sees her sympathizing for Jack, feeling like he understands her, being nicer to him and feeling hope because of it. Alex almost hates her for it, she wants to remind her that she’s been on that island for almost 20 years and nothing about it has changed or ever will.
She has tried for too long to come to terms with the idea of staying trapped in that island to allow Boone or Jack or Juliet to give her hope that she will ever leave. It isn’t happening and the sooner everyone accepts it, the better.
That’s why the next day she has to tell herself she’s only helping Juliet make their lunch because the poor thing can’t cook to save her life, even though she barely speaks to Juliet these days because the idea that she keeps things from her hurts her more than she wants to admit. But the truth is that of all the people she expected to lie to her by omission, Juliet was the last on her list. She cooks in silence even though Juliet is standing next to her the entire time. She only speaks to tell her that the only reason she’ll take the food to him is because Tom is busy. Juliet doesn’t ask about the blanket she puts in the bag and Alex is glad she doesn’t because that’s the thing she doesn’t try to find an explanation for.
The moment she crosses the door he’s tense. He sits up quickly, his eyes very wide and his mouth very tight as he watches her move across the room and lay the food down on the small table. She lays down the bag she carries on the floor next to it before sitting in front of him. All the time she is dreadfully conscious of how his eyes follow her and his silence makes her uncomfortable so she attempts to break it. She forces a small smile for him and speaks.
“It’s chicken salad!” she says. She waits for a reply but he looks at her, his eyes on her but he doesn’t say anything. She looks down and unconsciously tucks her hair behind her ear. “Boone, I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m sure you get bored here alone and I bet you have a lot of questions but really, you are better off here,”
She looks back at him and opens her mouth but he interrupts her.
“Why?” he says. “What are you and I doing here that’s so much better than the alternative, Alex?”
“I...” She hesitates for a moment but then goes on. “I want to give you reasons to feel differently about us.”
“Is that why you’re being nice to me, bringing me lunch and blankets?”
She stays still for a second. She wishes she could snap at him like she does at anyone else, but whatever sympathy she has for him sneaks up on her and she doesn’t.
“No. That’s just because I can.” She looks to her right at the closed door and speaks without looking at him. “Because, there really is no reason for you to be any more trapped than you already feel.” She turns to look at him, making her best effort to keep her expression neutral. “But if you want to move to a bear cage and be forced to work be my guest.”
Whether he trusts her or not, she can’t tell. The look on his eyes doesn’t change but he grabs the bottle of water and removes the cap to take a sip. A moment goes by in silence before he speaks again.
“Does the bear cage come with room service, too?” he says quietly but with a smile.
She chuckles.
“Only if you think of fish biscuits as room service,” she answers. He makes a confused face. “Don’t... ask,” she hurries to add.
She takes a deep breath and relaxes into the chair as he eats, wondering briefly about how wise it is to sit and watch him eat as opposed to leaving him alone. But when he starts up a conversation she stops dueling upon it.
“Are you the Dharma Initiative?” he asks as he takes a bite of the food. She smiles.
“No,” she answers. “That was a long time ago. Besides, it really doesn’t matter who any of us were, right?” He pauses from eating to look at her and the second their eyes meet she has to remind herself to breathe. “It matters who we are,” she finishes in a whisper.
She always thought he was ridiculously good looking, but as she looks at him she realizes the pictures on his file don’t do him justice. Everything about the way he looks is positively distracting. His cheeks’ natural blush, the strong angular chin, the bright blue on his eyes and his big, thick eyebrows. His hair, messy and dense, colored light brown from the sun. Even the stubble he’s grown in the last 4 days is mildly distracting.
He grimaces and then goes back to his food.
“You say that as if you knew anything about me,” he says quietly.
She debates on whether or not to mention the 20 plus pages on his file upstairs, the one she keeps as bedside reading. She wants to tell him how she’s read about Theresa multiple times, how she read the massive section about Shannon and how she knows about his secret bank account and the money he gave to her boyfriends. About his college education and the work he did for his mother. But she keeps quiet and instead changes the topic.
“I was wondering if you’d like to take a shower,” she says motioning to the bag she carried over there. “There’d be warm water, soap, shampoo, a change of clothes and a towel.”
“What, here?” he asks in between bites. She laughs.
“Of course not here,” she says with a smile. “I would take you.” She pauses. “You’d have to promise not to try and escape, though,”
“What if I promise and try anyway?” he asks, raising one eyebrow. She smirks.
“Sure. Then you, Jack and Ford can exchange the stories of your failed escape attempts.”
“Wow, no Kate?” he asks, genuinely surprised.
“Not yet. But I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.” She sighs. “It’s really up to you. But if we go, please do prove to me that deep down you’re smarter than all of them, and don’t try anything stupid.”
He stays quiet for a moment then nods, his eyes on her. “Sure, deal,” he says.
“Good,” she replies with a small smile. “We’ll go when you’ve eaten.”
She relaxes back on the chair and only looks at him again when he speaks again.
“So, Alex,” he begins. “Why am I here, again? You know, any news about that?”
She takes a deep breath and doesn’t think much before she tells him the truth. She’s always been a terrible liar anyway.
“This is all I know,” she begins. “There’s something we need Jack to do for us. And in exchange for that, we’re offering you a way out of the island. All four of you.”
“What do you want him to do?” he asks, trying to look unaffected by what she’s already said.
“You missed the ‘this is all I know’ part, Boone,” she replies coldly. “That really is all I know.”
She looks away and he doesn’t speak again.
She's positive he doesn't believe her but she tells herself she's honestly stopped caring whether he does or not. She's not going to prove her intentions to him any more than she already is. She puts it down on her mental list of reasons why she shouldn't feel any sympathy for him.
When he's done eating he drinks the water bottle in silence and she stands up.
"Ready?" she asks. He looks at her for a moment before he too stands up. She feels a little intimidated by his height, cause even if he isn't too tall, she's a bit short and she has to look up at him to speak.
"Lead the way," he says.
"Grab the bag," she replies as she turns towards the door and opens it for him.
"Remember the not doing anything stupid part, please," she says.
"I will," he says as he meets her on the door. His expression has changed and he is serious, his eyes fixed on hers. She swallows, then he crosses the door and she closes it after them.
"Follow me,"
They only walk a few steps in silence before he speaks again.
"Is this a Dharma station too?" he asks.
"Yes," she answers, relieved he asks about Dharma. Immediately after she feels relief she is confused, briefly wondering if she was dreading him asking something else. Something she wouldn’t want to answer, or worse, something she would. She breathes. "It's called The Hydra. They used it for animal research, I think"
"You think?" he asks with a small smile.
"Well, I'm not positive it was the only thing they used it for," she answers. "But then again, I wasn't around much when they... well, retired." She bites her lip, hoping he won't focus on the retiring part of her sentence.
"How long have you been here, Alex?" he asks. No smile. He seems genuinely curious.
"19 years, almost 20. I was born here," She says. "My mother died when I was a baby and my father raised me here."
"Alex," he says quietly at the same time he stops walking. She turns to him, he's serious but relaxed when he speaks again. "Is there really a way out of this island?"
"Of course there is," she replies quickly but before she can go on he interrupts her.
"How do I know you're not lying to me? Because you see, I find that hard to believe." he continues. "If you can leave, why are you still here?"
"But that's really the question, isn't it?" She says with a smile. "Why are we here?"
He looks surprised for a moment, like he didn’t expect her answer. Her smile widens and she turns on her heels to keep walking, very pleased to notice that it takes him a moment to catch up with her. A few steps ahead, she opens a door for him.
“This way,” she says. “I’ll wait for you here, but take your time and-” she stops at the sound of her walkie going off
“Alex pick up, it’s Tom!” she hears. She pauses and grabs the walkie, Boone’s eyes on her the whole time.
“Yeah?”
“Are you with the Carlyle boy?” Tom asks, he is talking in a rush and his voice is worried.
“Yes,”
“Move away so he can’t hear you.”
She looks up at Boone and signals to the door.
“Go in, I’ll wait for you here like I said.” she says. He makes a face, like he wants to ask her what’s up and stay to hear what Tom is going to say, but he doesn’t say anything and just goes in.
“He’s gone, what is it?” she asks.
As soon as she’s closed the door and spoken into the walkie she sees them. Tom and Danny are carrying her and Juliet is looking over her, Ben is trying to talk them into something but all Alex’s eyes can stare at is is the unconscious body of Colleen on the stretcher.
“Step away, Alex!” Juliet yells and she pushes herself against the wall to make room for them to walk through the hallway. As they pass her, her eyes widen and she opens her mouth in shock, panic runs through her and she stops feeling her hands.
It takes her a moment to recover. She sees them walk past her and her mouth is still open.
That afternoon, Colleen dies and it changes everything.
( Part 3)