Life, or something like it.
So, I had this whole long thing started, and my computer overheated, and consequently crashed. I hate that, not only because it sucks when my computer crashes, but my second try at writing something out never quite works as well.
--It's been a while since I've had a proper update, something that wasn't just a few lines here and there. There are a number of circumstances causing this, some of which I'll get into in a separate bullet point. But a lot of it comes down to the fact that I don't like to make other people unhappy. I will sacrifice my own happiness for that of someone I care about. And I know that there are people who would prefer that I dropped completely off the face of the earth right now. So, I've been keeping quiet. But I've decided that I can't live like this. I can't go on forever putting others' happiness above my own. So I'm coming out of the shell I've been in, and I'll let the chips fall where they may.
--The rest of the reason that I haven't been posting: I'm more or less homeless right now. My mother was angry with me for some reason or another, and she told me to "get out of [her] fucking house." So I did. That was probably over a month ago now. I haven't seen or spoken to her since. I did get an email from her the other day, but that was just to tell me that the Red Cross had called to beg for my blood again. I've only spoken to my father because he showed up in the store while I was working last week. Apparently, he didn't realize that my mother kicked me out, and told me that I should stop home, at the very least, because my sister really misses me. I miss her, but I'm not ready to deal with all of the bullshit that my parents will hand me if I come home. Fortunately, I had someone who was willing to take in a stray, but I'm not sure for how much longer that will last. I've got access to a computer, and I check my email every so often, but it's just strange to me to sit down and write and not use my own computer. I have my computer with me, but the ethernet cable isn't long enough to reach anywhere but where it's plugged into.
--I've been avoiding writing this for a while, for reasons mentioned above, but I can't keep it in forever. It didn't happen under the best of circumstances, but it happened, and I'm incredibly glad it did, despite the angst it caused for a while there. I'm speaking in riddles, I know, but I can't help it. The long and the short of it is, I'm in love. I've never been so in love in my life. And I never expected it. I never expected to find someone who would make me so incredibly happy, who would appreciate me for me, including all of my quirks and idiosyncracies. And I definitely never expected to find it where I did. For the few of you who are out of the loop [which is probably everyone reading this - I think the people in the loop will probably be the ones ignoring this]: there's this girl I work with. That's where we met, and until just recently, that was the only way we knew each other. We started working more closely together, and got to know each other better, and I found her incredibly intriguing. Without going into all of the details [which I could rehash without a problem], we started hanging out outside of work, and each of us realized that the attraction and the intrigue were mutual. At the time, love was the last thing I was looking for, because I had a girlfriend already. I desperately tried to backpedal my way out of the situation, but quickly realized that I couldn't. Despite the fact that I didn't want to hurt the woman I was with, I knew that what I was getting into was so, so much more. We complete each other's sentences without even having to try. We can be completely silly one minute, and completely serious the next, without it seeming at all odd. I've never met someone who was so much like me. It's reassuring and terrifying, all at the same time. I suppose I could be slightly less expository here, and give some details. It's not that I'm avoiding them, it's just that the story is less about her, and more about what she does to me. Her name is Christine [yes, the Christine I've occasionally mentioned in the past]. She's my age; in fact, she's seventeen days older than I am. She's taller than me, although not too tall, green eyes, hair that's red at the moment, but is always subject to change without notice. [If you're feeling particularly stalker-ish, check out her MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/kincaidcharade] She's everything I ever wanted, even though I didn't know it when we met. I can't even begin to describe how happy she makes me. And it's even harder to try and explain how in love I am with her. Even a couple of hours without her makes me crazy. I've never felt like this about anyone before, to the point where I'm questioning if I've ever really loved anyone before. Not that it really matters, because I know that this is real. I wish that the road to get where I am now wasn't as bumpy, but I have no regrets about getting here. Because I'm happier than I've been in many, many years. I think it's been long enough that I'm allowed to be a little selfish.
--I had more to say, but the aforementioned computer crash made me forget exactly what it was.
--This is entirely random, but I want to stick it in here anyway: I have become completely obsessed with a local musician in my area. Her name is Erin Harkes [http://www.erinharkes.com], and she's incredible. Christine actually introduced me to her. [Both literally and figuratively. She was the one who introduced me to her music, but she also introduced me to Erin and Blaze after a gig we went to.] We were listening to Matt Caplan, specifically to On Your Way, which contains the line, "You could not see the forest for the trees." Erin used the same line in one of her songs [although, I can't remember which one], which led to that one being put on, and I fell instantly in love with her music. She writes her own stuff, plays guitar and occasionally piano, and sings. She gets compared to Janis Joplin, and it's not too hard to see why. I've only seen her perform with her guitarist, Blaze, who is a real trip. She also performs with a full band, Erin Harkes and the Rebound, although I've not seen them, as they don't have the opportunity to get together all that often. I'll upload some of her stuff at some point - I've got some live tracks I'm still working on. She does her own stuff, but also some covers. The last time I saw her, she did Not an Addict by K's Choice, You Can Sleep While I Drive by Melissa Etheridge, and Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver, just to give you an idea. Unless you find yourselves in the greater Albany, NY area, it's unlikely you'll get to see her [although, she does apparently play the occasional show in NYC], but she's definitely worth a listen.
--I think that's all I've got for now. On the whole, I'm doing well. And I know who to thank for that.
--It's been a while since I've had a proper update, something that wasn't just a few lines here and there. There are a number of circumstances causing this, some of which I'll get into in a separate bullet point. But a lot of it comes down to the fact that I don't like to make other people unhappy. I will sacrifice my own happiness for that of someone I care about. And I know that there are people who would prefer that I dropped completely off the face of the earth right now. So, I've been keeping quiet. But I've decided that I can't live like this. I can't go on forever putting others' happiness above my own. So I'm coming out of the shell I've been in, and I'll let the chips fall where they may.
--The rest of the reason that I haven't been posting: I'm more or less homeless right now. My mother was angry with me for some reason or another, and she told me to "get out of [her] fucking house." So I did. That was probably over a month ago now. I haven't seen or spoken to her since. I did get an email from her the other day, but that was just to tell me that the Red Cross had called to beg for my blood again. I've only spoken to my father because he showed up in the store while I was working last week. Apparently, he didn't realize that my mother kicked me out, and told me that I should stop home, at the very least, because my sister really misses me. I miss her, but I'm not ready to deal with all of the bullshit that my parents will hand me if I come home. Fortunately, I had someone who was willing to take in a stray, but I'm not sure for how much longer that will last. I've got access to a computer, and I check my email every so often, but it's just strange to me to sit down and write and not use my own computer. I have my computer with me, but the ethernet cable isn't long enough to reach anywhere but where it's plugged into.
--I've been avoiding writing this for a while, for reasons mentioned above, but I can't keep it in forever. It didn't happen under the best of circumstances, but it happened, and I'm incredibly glad it did, despite the angst it caused for a while there. I'm speaking in riddles, I know, but I can't help it. The long and the short of it is, I'm in love. I've never been so in love in my life. And I never expected it. I never expected to find someone who would make me so incredibly happy, who would appreciate me for me, including all of my quirks and idiosyncracies. And I definitely never expected to find it where I did. For the few of you who are out of the loop [which is probably everyone reading this - I think the people in the loop will probably be the ones ignoring this]: there's this girl I work with. That's where we met, and until just recently, that was the only way we knew each other. We started working more closely together, and got to know each other better, and I found her incredibly intriguing. Without going into all of the details [which I could rehash without a problem], we started hanging out outside of work, and each of us realized that the attraction and the intrigue were mutual. At the time, love was the last thing I was looking for, because I had a girlfriend already. I desperately tried to backpedal my way out of the situation, but quickly realized that I couldn't. Despite the fact that I didn't want to hurt the woman I was with, I knew that what I was getting into was so, so much more. We complete each other's sentences without even having to try. We can be completely silly one minute, and completely serious the next, without it seeming at all odd. I've never met someone who was so much like me. It's reassuring and terrifying, all at the same time. I suppose I could be slightly less expository here, and give some details. It's not that I'm avoiding them, it's just that the story is less about her, and more about what she does to me. Her name is Christine [yes, the Christine I've occasionally mentioned in the past]. She's my age; in fact, she's seventeen days older than I am. She's taller than me, although not too tall, green eyes, hair that's red at the moment, but is always subject to change without notice. [If you're feeling particularly stalker-ish, check out her MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/kincaidcharade] She's everything I ever wanted, even though I didn't know it when we met. I can't even begin to describe how happy she makes me. And it's even harder to try and explain how in love I am with her. Even a couple of hours without her makes me crazy. I've never felt like this about anyone before, to the point where I'm questioning if I've ever really loved anyone before. Not that it really matters, because I know that this is real. I wish that the road to get where I am now wasn't as bumpy, but I have no regrets about getting here. Because I'm happier than I've been in many, many years. I think it's been long enough that I'm allowed to be a little selfish.
--I had more to say, but the aforementioned computer crash made me forget exactly what it was.
--This is entirely random, but I want to stick it in here anyway: I have become completely obsessed with a local musician in my area. Her name is Erin Harkes [http://www.erinharkes.com], and she's incredible. Christine actually introduced me to her. [Both literally and figuratively. She was the one who introduced me to her music, but she also introduced me to Erin and Blaze after a gig we went to.] We were listening to Matt Caplan, specifically to On Your Way, which contains the line, "You could not see the forest for the trees." Erin used the same line in one of her songs [although, I can't remember which one], which led to that one being put on, and I fell instantly in love with her music. She writes her own stuff, plays guitar and occasionally piano, and sings. She gets compared to Janis Joplin, and it's not too hard to see why. I've only seen her perform with her guitarist, Blaze, who is a real trip. She also performs with a full band, Erin Harkes and the Rebound, although I've not seen them, as they don't have the opportunity to get together all that often. I'll upload some of her stuff at some point - I've got some live tracks I'm still working on. She does her own stuff, but also some covers. The last time I saw her, she did Not an Addict by K's Choice, You Can Sleep While I Drive by Melissa Etheridge, and Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver, just to give you an idea. Unless you find yourselves in the greater Albany, NY area, it's unlikely you'll get to see her [although, she does apparently play the occasional show in NYC], but she's definitely worth a listen.
--I think that's all I've got for now. On the whole, I'm doing well. And I know who to thank for that.